feel like all my dreams have been snatched :-(

pyjamadays

there dad wouldn't be helpful, he would want them with him. she does have the choice to live with either of us but she hardly ever visitis him so in reality she wouldn't like living with him. i don't think at 16 she will magically not need me but more that legally it's her choice where she lives and i can't stop her. i really want her to come with me. i have explained it all to her but she's a teenager, all they think about is themselves lol! i think she does understand what it means to me and i do think she'd be happy there, but i don't want to guilt trip her into it either. i'll talk to her about it again later.

Elle7

pyjamadays wrote: »

the place where we would be moving to has brillian opportunities compared to where we live now, she was desperate to move there until the BF was on the scene. she's been there with me loads of times since she was 6 weeks old so knows the area well, although she doesn't know anyone her own age, just family.
the original plan was for us all to go on a 6 month trial incase both kids didn't like it ectm but now she's saying she's worried that if she comes back her friends might have moved on and forgotten about her.

Ah, now its sounding more like typical teenage nerves! Could you compromise in some way - offer to arrange events with her friends every few weeks, or have a friend to sleep over, or increase the credit on her phone so she can stay in touch?

She will be nervous, it's natural to be - she will be effectively starting again, and thats a scary thought at any age, but more during the teenage years.

I think with some support and compromise, she'll be okay. Have you asked her what would make her more comfortable with moving? Something like horse riding lessons could help her meet new people, and encourage her to go if she can't do them where you are now.

Lotus-eater

Guilt trip her if you can, get her to agree in any way.
Once she's there, that will be it, she'll get on with her life and forget about what happened

pyjamadays

i have told her that during the 6 month trial she will be back here visiting her friends and dad twice as there will be 2 lots of holidays (october & xmas) and also if we can afford it she can come the odd weekend inbetween. it won't really be possible to arrange for her friends to come and stay very often because where we live now isn't classed as the mainland she there's quite a lot of traveling involved.

pyjamadays

i had also been in contact with the school to find out what kind of out of school clubs and stuff there are that she could join. i know that once we're there and she's met a couple of friends that everything will be fine, it's just trying to convince a stubborn teenager to give it a go!! the more she fusses about not going then my son whose 10 starts worrying about it to and having doubts!!
the other thing she's worrying about is that she'll be in 4th year and starting exams, but surely every school has the same ciriculum so all exams will be the same, the upheaval may cause a bit of a problem to be begin with but it shouldn't interefere to much would it??

Gillyx

I can see this from both sides of the coin.

My parents split up when I was 18, which is obviously a lot older than your children are now, and I stayed with my Dad. I got the impression from my mum that all she cared about was her boyfriend, she'd arrange to see me, and then at the last minute (sometimes even after I'd arrived at her house) she'd decide to go and visit her boyfriend, leaving me alone. Our relationship has went from being really good to being pretty much non existent.

If you do decide to make the move, please stress to her how much you care for her and love her, and how much she's always welcome, as you know probably 4 months down the line, she'l be coming to live with you as things with her boyfriend have went pear shaped.

I also think you're underestimating how easy it is for a 14 year old to walk into a brand new school. Teenagers, girls in particular, are not nice people. They're not friendly and open to newbies, I speak from experience. If she's in 4th year (I presume you're Scottish?) this is a big year for her with Standard Grades etc, so be wary of that.

Lotus-eater

pyjamadays wrote: »

i had also been in contact with the school to find out what kind of out of school clubs and stuff there are that she could join. i know that once we're there and she's met a couple of friends that everything will be fine, it's just trying to convince a stubborn teenager to give it a go!! the more she fusses about not going then my son whose 10 starts worrying about it to and having doubts!!
the other thing she's worrying about is that she'll be in 4th year and starting exams, but surely every school has the same ciriculum so all exams will be the same, the upheaval may cause a bit of a problem to be begin with but it shouldn't interefere to much would it??

Don't talk about it in front of your son then!

She should be able to understand that at 14.

pyjamadays

thats exactly how i don't want her to feel. if i did move there would be a room waiting for her as i think she would come down in a couple of months too. im going to talk to her about it later but she ends up getting annoyed and going off in a strop. i really don't want to go without her-or either of them. the plan to move isn't for another 6 months yet, so i have plenty time to get around her, but you've all made me feel a bit better and that all is not lost yet. a lot can happen in 6 months, but it'll just be typical she splits with this bf and finds another!!!

balletshoes

pyjamadays wrote: »

i had also been in contact with the school to find out what kind of out of school clubs and stuff there are that she could join. i know that once we're there and she's met a couple of friends that everything will be fine, it's just trying to convince a stubborn teenager to give it a go!! the more she fusses about not going then my son whose 10 starts worrying about it to and having doubts!!
the other thing she's worrying about is that she'll be in 4th year and starting exams, but surely every school has the same ciriculum so all exams will be the same, the upheaval may cause a bit of a problem to be begin with but it shouldn't interefere to much would it??

is it the same country ie England and Wales, that you're technically in now, and would be moving to? if so, yes the curriculum should be roughly the same. if she's moving from England to Scotland for example, or the other way around, it could be markedly different.

pyjamadays

no its' the same part of the country-scotland