feel like all my dreams have been snatched :-(

7891368

In all seriousness, by the time you actually do the move it's quite likely the young couple will have broken up.

Is there anything you can use to draw her in...for example when I looked at university, I was desperate to live in a city rather than a small town and the hustle and bustle was a lot of appeal.

Are there good facilities? Shopping centres/cinemas/bowling etc or does she like horse riding or something she can't do where you currently live but could do there?

balletshoes

We've discussed moving 400 miles back to near my home town recently, for several reasons. My DD is starting secondary school this year, she's never wanted to move away from her friends, that feeling has only increased the older she has got, and I understand that. Bottom line for me (and I know lots of folk won't agree and thats fine) is that her welfare and happiness is more important to us at the moment than moving to another location (something dreadful has happened recently in my extended family, which I am aware has affected my opinion on moving my daughter so far away from her friends, and I'm just not prepared to risk it). We are resigned to staying put until she's at uni/left school and working. Right now my OH is working away that 400 plus miles away (and he has been for just under a year now), so we do the long-distance thing. But I don't hate my present house, location, job, friends etc.

I think you have to do whats right for you and your children. Have you had a proper discussion with your daughter since the boyfriend came on the scene, about how much you'll miss her, and would she really prefer to stay with her Dad, if she decides she won't move away with you? Can you give her positives about the move that would help outweigh what she has now?

*max*

Just my two cents...Just because your daughter will turn 16 in two years doesn't mean she will magically need you less, or move out and get her own place. She'll still be a teenager and need you. So the two year thing isn't really an argument in your favour.

I also think that if your children have lived there all their lives, it would be a very big upheaval for them to move away just because you want to live with your boyfriend, especially since they will be living with him as well all of a sudden.

I understand you had made plans, but I don't think you are being fair to your daughter. She will see her own relationship as being just as important as the one you have with your own boyfriend, no matter what you or anyone else think.

As for there being "no point" continuing with the relationship, why would you think that? There is just as much point as there has been so far, it's just that your living together will be delayed. If you really cannot bear to stay, then you will have to let your daughter stay with her father or risk completely alienating her. It isn't an unreasonable decision all round and is actually a possible solution.

I would advise you to wait a while though - at her age relationships are generally fickle, and hers could well fizzle out sooner than she thinks, and she might want to move again, making all the above a moot point.

balletshoes

19lottie82 wrote: »

Sorry OP, I have to agree with the others. She's a child and you're the adult.

i agree with everyone who's said that - but at 14, with a Dad who is willing to have her and her younger brother live with him, she'd have the choice to move with either parent wouldn't she? thats not what you want, is it OP?

There_Goes_Trouble

Rikki wrote: »

Do you think your daughters relationship is likely to last? I wouldn't be letting a fourteen year old dictate my future happiness.

It's rare, but happens. My parents met at around that age and are still happily married. My niece met her boyfriend at age 14, they're now 19 and still together.

It's a tough choice OP. How honest have you been with your daughter about how desperately you want to move? Does she genuinely understand what she's asking of you? Tough again because you don't want her to end up feeling pressured.

Sorry, not sure any if that is much help!

Elle7

Have you actually talked to her? Told her how her life will be better, and given her a set plan for visiting her boyfriend - it probably won't last, so you won't need to do it, but at the moment he is probably the most important person in her life.

How has their dad reacted to you moving away? Would he support you in telling your children its for the best, or would he see it as a chance to get them to live with him?

pyjamadays

the place where we would be moving to has brillian opportunities compared to where we live now, she was desperate to move there until the BF was on the scene. she's been there with me loads of times since she was 6 weeks old so knows the area well, although she doesn't know anyone her own age, just family.
the original plan was for us all to go on a 6 month trial incase both kids didn't like it ectm but now she's saying she's worried that if she comes back her friends might have moved on and forgotten about her.

balletshoes

pyjamadays wrote: »

the place where we would be moving to has brillian opportunities compared to where we live now, she was desperate to move there until the BF was on the scene. she's been there with me loads of times since she was 6 weeks old so knows the area well, although she doesn't know anyone her own age, just family.
the original plan was for us all to go on a 6 month trial incase both kids didn't like it ectm but now she's saying she's worried that if she comes back her friends might have moved on and forgotten about her.

if she does her absolute best to stay in contact with her friends for 6 months they won't forget her, if they're good friends.

victory

pyjamadays wrote: »

the place where we would be moving to has brillian opportunities compared to where we live now, she was desperate to move there until the BF was on the scene. she's been there with me loads of times since she was 6 weeks old so knows the area well, although she doesn't know anyone her own age, just family.
the original plan was for us all to go on a 6 month trial incase both kids didn't like it ectm but now she's saying she's worried that if she comes back her friends might have moved on and forgotten about her.

They could come and visit, stay over, she could go there for half term, they could spend some summer hols together? Facebook, twitter, emails, texts, phones, it does not have to be the end

pmlindyloo

balletshoes wrote: »

if she does her absolute best to stay in contact with her friends for 6 months they won't forget her, if they're good friends.

I thought that's what the famous Facebook is for!