How to handle dating a high earner

catch_me_if_you_can

time2deal wrote: »

OH is actually still linked financially to his ex as they own a house together, so i'd rather keep things seperate until he has at least untangled that!

snap!

hoping this year that will be resolved, finally...

Bluemeanie_2

I had this problem with a friend a few years ago. I was on 18k and she was on £25k. She used to want to go town every weekend and out to restaurants and shopping all the while. For a short while I tried to keep up, but as I refuse to get in debt (other than my mortgage) I struggled. I started saying I couldn't afford things and she dumped me lol.

Now I earn £30k and I have quite a few friends on £18kish. Luckily though, as I am OP my mortgage so much and saving I probably have the same disposable income. It can become apparent when we are discussing things etc. However, I try never to mention money as despise 10 bob millionaires!

FBaby

I still find it odd that someone who earns such a salary and expect to go out to eat all the time doesn't ever suggest that he pays the full bill. I went on quite a number of dates before meeting my partner, I dated some not too well off, and some with ok salaries (or I guessed from their jobs). My attitude was always to get my wallet out when it was time to pay, but if the man insisted to pay, I didn't argue with them but showed that I was very grateful for the gesture. All but one insisted to pay. The one who didn't, as it came out after the second date did have an issue with money as this is how he was brought up (his parents agree to pay for his son's private schooling, but as a loan to him even though they could more than afford to pay).

To me, offering to pay is really a sign of generosity. I have always tried to be fair, so would always offer to pay the bill for a second date when there was one but I have to say that I would seriously question a man's generosity or commitment if the man I was dating expected the bill to always be shared, despite knowing that I earn significantly less, and that after months together.

skintchick

I haven;t read all the replies, but I read your Op as him being happy to pay but when you offer to pay haf he probably doesn;t want to say no as it would be rude. So stop offering!! He earns loads more than you I'm sure he won;t mind paying, and if he does, he will say.

I think you're building this up when it isn;t anything. You are obsessed with the pay gap but it doesn;t sound like he is. So get over it. And enjoy! HE can treat you, how lovely (not feminist or modern, but hey, who cares if he can afford it?!).

But if you don;t want to go out all the time just offer an alterantive as Scheming Gypsy said earlier. If he's a high earner then he is probably used to just going out. My brother's salary is so large none of us know what it is any more, but suffice to say he thinks a 70k bonus is an insult (I'd love a 70k salary let alone bonus!) and he eats otu all the time, buys whatever he wants without thinking, sticks £300 behind the bar for all his mates on a night out, that kind of thing, money just isn;t an issue to him because he has so much of it. If your bf is like this then just take it for what it is and don;t obsess over the pay gap.

How much you earn is not a reflection of your worth, and your bf probably hasn;t given it much of a thought since you last spoke about it.

Spirit_2

OP can you suggest outings that do not cost a lot of money?

A weekend walk and a drink in a country pub?
Visit a gallery or Museum
Meet up with friends
Invite him over for supper & a movie.

For more expensive outing that he suggests then a "good idea but my budgte does'nt stretch to that this month" is a friendly but true response.

It may also feel equal if you treat him to things you can afford (cook supper, the cinema etc) and then let him treat you to things he suggests but are within his financial reach.

It is still 'going dutch' - 100% consideration of each other, transparent and openly understood but a proportionate monetary balance.

ladylouise62

My OH earns shedloads more than me, is a caring man who does understand, but he is a bloke and so doesn't always remember. As a previous psoter said, they appreciate straight to the point. Make it simple and work out how much you can spend per month on eating out and tell him, then if he suggests going out once you've hit the limit, remind him that you can't afford anymore - that gives him the option of offering or not.
I also make up for his extra costs by cooking nice meals when at home, investing my time and effort.. and as they say 'time is money'

Steel_2

OP, you might find eating out is s psychological thing with him.

You said he was poor when he was younger? To him eating in and cooking may be associated with extreme poverty and eating out as a measure of success.

That might be a very difficult one to break through.

JournalGirl

Sit him down and explain that you are living beyond your means. Say that you would love some quiet nights in cooking for him.

ALso, rather than offering to pay half, perhaps suggest that when he asks you to go out in future, you will let him pay, but that on occasion you would like to take him out and foot the whole bill.

hostertlady

we dont eat out much but if i do i am often disappointed in what i have to eat!!
and dont get me started on take away sandwiches??
whats that all about?? cost loads and the filling is rubbish... i can make a much better sandwich at home( and i do!) and it is crammed with filling..
just my opinion......
i dont really enjoy cooking and i do it cos i have to but i can throw together some lovely and tasty meals..

OP what are you like at cooking? i am sure you can temp him with your culinary delights.......... then he will save moeny and then he can take you on a very very expensive holiday in the sun somewhere:rotfl::rotfl: