How to handle dating a high earner

Chakani

I disagree too MMW, my OH is a clever guy, but that doesn't make him any better at mindreading than the guy sweeping the street, why would it?

It could be that the OP's boyfriend is just not appreciating how much it is worrying her or affecting her (after all, he gets out his wallet, she offers to pay, how is he supposed to know whether or not she can really afford to?), or he could be a selfish so-and-so. Much like people in any income bracket. Hopefully that's not the case and it can all be sorted with good communication.

74jax

Very similar situation to myself. When I started seeing OH I wasn't as brave as you and didn't mention my finances until way over 3 months down the line, the fact you've both discussed it before the 3 months shows that you can openly sort something out (hopefully).

What we did at the beginning was my Oh paid for one night, then I paid for next night. Who ever was paying got to choose the venue etc. Needless to say when my Oh was paying we went to some fantastic restaurants and when I was paying we went to the local comedy club (2 for 1 voucher and chicken in a basket meal most likely :rotfl:)

Towards the end of the month when I had nothing left and he would say did we want to do xyz I just said sorry I can't afford it. he would then either offer or I'd say let's stay in with a DVD.

To be fair, it was more of an issue with me than him, I didn't like him paying for things, and always felt as though I should offer my half etc. He used to say he had the money and he wanted US to do things, there was no point in him having all this money for us to go out, and WANT to take me, if i was going to be miserable and feel guilty.

However almost 7 years on, things have changed dramatically, as you would expect but I would say if you really like him them talk to him and if he chooses not to listen to what you're saying then decide if you want to carry on as you are.

spendingmad

I agree with most of the comments already posted. Be direct. Talk about how you want to make him feel special the same way he makes you.

I am not sure how many times a week you get together but perhaps make a deal that on weekdays you get to 'pamper' him (stay in, cook a nice meal/get take away/ sexy underwear etc) and he takes you out on a weekend

Be proud of the fact that a you have met a man who wants to care and look after you, they dont come around very often!

LisaB85

He sounds like a prat! I dated a high earner despite not having much myself yet he understood that I couldn't afford do what he did without me having to explain to him.

If he wanted to go out for dinner he would pay not because I expected it but because he knows I don't have money and I did get drinks in; he always said the fact I offered to pay, got the odd drink and did little things in other areas he felt I gave equally in other ways.

I used to bake him things, if he left me at his I'd do his hoovering and cook for him so I guess it was quite a traditional set up and although he had money he valued the little things I did for him.

He was happy to go to 2 for 1's, KFC etc too so wasn't that flashy.

TheLearner2008

spendingmad wrote: »

I am not sure how many times a week you get together but perhaps make a deal that on weekdays you get to 'pamper' him (stay in, cook a nice meal/get take away/ sexy underwear etc) and he takes you out on a weekend

I usually go to his place every day after work and on weekends I usually spend the weekend there. He never ever cooks, he eats out 3 meals a day and has Starbucks/Costa at least 4 times a day and then has snacks (out) in between. He occasionally has a ready meal but its very unusual. I have never seen his kitchen being used for cooking even though I have suggested it.

The problem with all these comments is that I can afford to eat out once a week, he eats out every meal (granted 2 are at work on weekdays) as they have catering at work.

Also: he job is highly stressful and he says he enjoys getting out of the house with me to unwind - how can I say no to that?

SandC

See that would be more of major issue for me - constant eating out and never cooking. I think you need to get cooking in his kitchen and introduce him to the joy of it, never mind that he can afford to eat out all the time.

It would do my head in having to head out for every meal or order in! It would seriously become an issue for me - are you really happy with this kind of arrangement? It's slightly controlling in that it's a type of bachelor lifestyle that he appears not to want to relinquish even when he has the chance to.

make_me_wise

princeofpounds wrote: »

The sort of smarts that gets you a good salary does not mean you are any good at mind-reading (quite the opposite in fact for some people).

He didn't need to mind read, that didn't come into it. She was telling him clearly that she couldn't afford to keep up and he ignored it. Even someone with very little ability could understand when someone tells them they cant cover the cost of doing something.

TheLearner2008

SandC wrote: »

I think you need to get cooking in his kitchen and introduce him to the joy of it, never mind that he can afford to eat out all the time.

The one day I suggested that we buy something and cook at home guess where we went? M&S and he bought about £100's worth of food, wine, cheeses and chocolate.

Oh deary me!

TheLearner2008

LisaB85 wrote: »

He was happy to go to 2 for 1's, KFC etc too so wasn't that flashy.

I once took him to my favourite Japanese place and he was totally freaked out by it. I don't think he has any concept of eating a regular restaurants. He said the menu was really dirty etc.

gingin_2

We have a give and take relationship - he gives and I take!

When we met he earnt a huge amount more than me, it was obvious from the start because i was in a career that was never going to pay big bucks. He still supports me 14 years later, during which time I was a stay at home mum and am now back to studying, as well as looking after the children - it's never been an issue to either of us.

You are still in the early stages and you might want to settle down more soon ( not necessarily live together ) then there might be more cosy nights. I'd wow him and insist on a nice home cooked meal and see if he likes it - if he's been a bachelor for a while he might not be used to that. Other than that, if he's worth keeping it sounds like you might have to change your ways and adapt.

Good luck!

Edit : re. my last paragraph, you've typed a bit more since I was typing. Do you really like the guy? I guess there needs compromises from both of you and if he won't compromise to make you happy then it's not a great sign.