How to handle dating a high earner

Sally_A

Learner2008, you seem to like the guy, but I can see you are uneasy with his willynilly spending: especially on food, and eating out every day is heart attack material.

Plan 1 )Marry him quick, get his will changed and let him keep on eating out on rich meals every day :cool:

Plan 2) Say, "do you realise some families have to live for a month on £300 food bills?"

Plan 3) Get a takeway, you could both seriously bloat out on for £50, tell him you'll put the balance against your debt, or you'll donate the money to the food parcel charities.

Watch his reaction on Plan 2 and 3, this will tell you what type of bloke he is deep down.

In my opinion he seems to be more concerned with image over substance - or all fur coat and no knickers as we say around here. Hopefully you can make him wake up, shake up as one day he could be on that park bench.

LisaB85

TheLearner2008 wrote: »

I once took him to my favourite Japanese place and he was totally freaked out by it. I don't think he has any concept of eating a regular restaurants. He said the menu was really dirty etc.

I must admit a place needs to look clean to me but not flashy.

Mine was very laid back, wasn't ocd about places being spotless but enjoyed the finer things in life too it was a nice happy medium. He loved Papa Johns Pizza on a Friday night.

Maybe you could show him not everything has to cost a fortune to be nice?

TheLearner2008

Sally_A wrote: »

Learner2008, you seem to like the guy, but I can see you are uneasy with his willynilly spending: especially on food, and eating out every day is heart attack material.

Plan 1 )Marry him quick, get his will changed and let him keep on eating out on rich meals every day :cool:

Plan 2) Say, "do you realise some families have to live for a month on £300 food bills?"

Plan 3) Get a takeway, you could both seriously bloat out on for £50, tell him you'll put the balance against your debt, or you'll donate the money to the food parcel charities.

Watch his reaction on Plan 2 and 3, this will tell you what type of bloke he is deep down.

In my opinion he seems to be more concerned with image over substance - or all fur coat and no knickers as we say around here. Hopefully you can make him wake up, shake up as one day he could be on that park bench.

He comes from a incredibly poor family but he has been incredibly successful since he started his own business from when he was 18 so he understands what it is to be poor.

The main thing is I don't want to make a big issue of it, so I need to come up with something to say to him that is succinct and final. e.g. I am happy to go out or stay in but I will contribute when I can, hope that is okay with you.

TheLearner2008

LisaB85 wrote: »

I must admit a place needs to look clean to me but not flashy.

Mine was very laid back, wasn't ocd about places being spotless but enjoyed the finer things in life too it was a nice happy medium. He loved Papa Johns Pizza on a Friday night.

Maybe you could show him not everything has to cost a fortune to be nice?

This place is really nice - there is nothing wrong with it...but when you are comparing Eat Tokyo (£25 for 2) in London to Crazy Bear (£450 for 2) in London how can you win :rotfl:

princeofpounds

She was telling him clearly that she couldn't afford to keep up and he ignored it. Even someone with very little ability could understand when someone tells them they cant cover the cost of doing something.

You are assuming that the OP really was telling him clearly. The fact that his reply was superficial could mean that he ignored it, or it could mean that the message was not delivered as clearly as the OP was thinking it in their head. There are multiple possibilities.

So many problems in relationships come where people are expected to fill in the gaps in communication left by their other halves. Assuming people hear exactly the same message that comes out of your mouth is a conceit in its own way; as much as you expect people to think like you do, you are leaving out the reciprocal duty for you to think like them.

Might seem like i am hammering the point a bit, but it's really critical to the decision at hand to self-examine whether the communication has been up to scratch on both sides.

LisaB85

TheLearner2008 wrote: »

This place is really nice - there is nothing wrong with it...but when you are comparing Eat Tokyo (£25 for 2) in London to Crazy Bear (£450 for 2) in London how can you win :rotfl:

Oh I see what you mean :rotfl:

Personally I hate fancy expensive food and wine anyway. With the guy I was dating we used to go to a pub that did home cooked food, you could get 2 main meals for £10! was lush though all local home cooked stuff and was always busy.

Bella79

I dont see the issue here, lots partners earn more than the other, just be honest, tell him u love going out with him , but as your incomes are so diff you can only afford to eat out once a week, im sure he will be fine with it, years ago i once dated a millionaire, i was carer at the time, so you can imagine the diff! lol
He knew my rough income and he knew i couldnt afford to go half at posh resturants only at chippy or mac donalds lol, he didnt mind at all he knew when we went anywhere like that he would pay, infact he hardly ever let me pay, even in mcdonalds lol x just be honest

make_me_wise

princeofpounds wrote: »

You are assuming that the OP really was telling him clearly. The fact that his reply was superficial could mean that he ignored it, or it could mean that the message was not delivered as clearly as the OP was thinking it in their head. There are multiple possibilities.

So many problems in relationships come where people are expected to fill in the gaps in communication left by their other halves. Assuming people hear exactly the same message that comes out of your mouth is a conceit in its own way; as much as you expect people to think like you do, you are leaving out the reciprocal duty for you to think like them.

Might seem like i am hammering the point a bit, but it's really critical to the decision at hand to self-examine whether the communication has been up to scratch on both sides.

You are assuming she didn't tell him clearly. The OP comes across very eloquently and clear on here, why should that be any different when she is talking to someone she is in a relationship with. I have never mentioned she should expect someone to hear exactly the same message as that which comes out her mouth or for her to expect him to think like she does. No adult I know would assume someone would do that. In my first post on here I advised a frank discussion would best resolve the situation.

Errata

OP - What's wrong with cooking him dinner at yours? I admire your fortitude because I'd be bored senseless by any bloke who thought that eating dinner out continually 7/7 was a good gig, and more than cheesed off with restaurant food.

FBaby

When I first dated my now partner, I assumed he earned more than me. As it turned out, we earn about the same, but he doesn't have half the outgoings I have (he has a company car/phone, I have children ), so he does have more disposable income than I do. The issue didn't come up because from the start, it's been an unspoken rule that whoever invites the other pays for the date, this way, there was no awkward moments. This means that he invited me a lot more than I invited him, but I used to cook at home quite a bit. We've been living together for a year now and that rule still kind of applies.

Although i agree that it is fair enough that he might not have ticked at first that you couldn't afford to go out as often as he suggested, however, now that you've made it clear that you don't have the same disposable income as he has, he should be offering to pay. If he doesn't, I would be very concerned about his lack of generosity streak.