How to handle dating a high earner

TheLearner2008

Hi All,

I have good news. Last night as we left the apartment I knew he was going to say lets go and eat out, so I immediately suggested Nando's and he was more than happy with that So I had a small win last night, after all it was his birthday!

We ended up drinking wine and chatting a lot about money and he says he spent too much over christmas so wants to take it easy with money so things should be okay...for now...until he gets his bonus in a few months :rotfl:

Also I found out his rent and other expenses are not as much as I expected e.g. his rent is about my salary :rotfl: I thought it was more hehe

Peater

He pays £30k a year in rent?

That says it all really, his rags to riches 'sucess' has totally disjointed his grasp on reality and the way he values money. I would be plowing money into property (or something else that you are likey to see a return from, like a new business) instead of just mindlessly frittering it away. If he's not careful, he will be getting given tents and sleeping bags from 'thoughtful' MSE users in 10yrs time.

Just saying.

TheLearner2008

Peater wrote: »

He pays £30k a year in rent?

That says it all really, his rags to riches 'sucess' has totally disjointed his grasp on reality and the way he values money. I would be plowing money into property (or something else that you are likey to see a return from, like a new business) instead of just mindlessly frittering it away. If he's not careful, he will be getting given tents and sleeping bags from 'thoughtful' MSE users in 10yrs time.

Just saying.

He has recently started his own business and is also writing a corresponding book and iPad application which is does in his spare time - so he is very busy and successful. When you earn more you spend more - I would do the same. He has does own a house somewhere else btw and supports his mom.

Peater

Fair enough. £30k on rent though, just boggles my mind! haha.

Going back to your original dillema - I would be as open and frank as possible to be honest because, don't forget, it must be a bit of a constant headf*** for him too as he may be naturally dis-trustful as a result of his wealth (i probably would, being a cynical young grump). How would you know if someone really liked you or just really liked the perks? Pretty standard advice then - be honest and get these things out in the open.

SandC

I would still try to get him to appreciate the home cooked food. Imagine being able to buy the best fillet of beef you could find and cook whatever you like with it? I would be encouraging him if he's happy to treat, to let me cook with ingredients I usually can't or won't go near because it feels too extravagant!

It's early days with you and you seem to be making some small impact already so I think things will gradually change. See in that respect you do need to be subtle so they don't know you are changing them!

Errata

He spends £30k on rent and c£24k on eating out over the course of a year? That's a significant chunk out of his £130k a year earnings, minus tax and NI, and minus whatever he spends on supporting his mother. Not so much left for everything else, is there?

Lotus-eater

I know someone who is married to a bloke like this, he still doesn't appreciate home cooked food even though they've been married years.
He can't budget at all, spends far too much on everything, has his own business and I assumed he had paid off his mortgage, but found out when the company was floundering a bit, that he'd just continued to borrow on it. He must have flash cars, which I know costs him a fortune.
He's a great bloke, but tbh, I wouldn't like his lifestyle.

princeofpounds

He pays £30k a year in rent?

That's a 2-3 bed in a very nice (but not really prime) area of London. It might boggle the mind but it's not off the scale at all.

time2deal

Sounds like the conversation has started, but if you go a lot further then I think you have to be clear.

I am in the reverse situation as I earn a lot more, and the gap is widening over time. At the start of my relationship we ended up adjusting to my OH’s salary rather than mine, which I found a bit frustrating after a while. I work hard and earn good money, and do like to enjoy it from time to time. I got tired of searching for the cheapest holiday, not going to nice places, or getting low quality food (I love organic meat.. but we kept ending up with Tesco 342 cheap stuff!) etc, so we had a frank discussion. OH was just so used to always looking for the cheapest that it was a real adjustment – he hadn’t really known that some people genuinely don’t care if a holiday is £50 more or less than it could be! We agreed that I would pay for most fixed expenses (mortgage, bills, etc) , and I would pay the majority of grocery bills as my tastes push up the costs.

For holidays and dinners out we generally split things fairly evenly, so we both feel it is fair, but as he has less of the general day-to-day costs it means he has more disposable income now.

Does that sound complex enough!!? It seems to work though.

On the negative side it does mean that everything we own is ‘mine’, or has been paid for by me – but we are married now, so that’s not as relevant.

Mojisola

time2deal wrote: »

For holidays and dinners out we generally split things fairly evenly, so we both feel it is fair, but as he has less of the general day-to-day costs it means he has more disposable income now.

On the negative side it does mean that everything we own is ‘mine’, or has been paid for by me – but we are married now, so that’s not as relevant.

Do you really still split bills even though you're married?