MSE Newborn to 1 year Baby Club 1

turtlemoose

Staying out here would be nice ....but worried about what would happen to my things back home. Hmm i hadnt thought but now you have got me thinking as an option i could, maybe at the end of the tenancy I could put things in storage and spend a few months here, only going back when I need to go back to work.

I don't know. I don't want to be thinking about things like that. But I feel like I have been cornered and the only way out is to fight. A few months ago I was excitedly hoping he was going to propose soon....and now he is saying come the end of our tenancy then we should be looking for separate places. I just don't know what the hell happened....apart from having a baby...and surely that cant be the cause of all this?

I read on here bout your OH's making you tea while you do night feeds, and stuff like that, and it just makes me really sad because I haven't had any of that. Mine says that BFing means he "can't bond" with Reuben and, because I "refuse" to express, he can't help with night feeds so it's my own fault I'm tired. Never mind that I said he could help by doing the winding, feeding, nappies, putting back down....but because that's what I want him to do, not what he wants to do, then he won't do it cuz what's the point. Never mind the fact it's what I would like, or what I need,it seems like if it's not important to him then it's not important full stop.

twinklie

dizziblonde wrote: »

Well ladies I've decided to bow out of here and the forums in general - I've had enough.

Some people seriously need to think before they open their gob and get out of smuggy mummy land.

Me and small-sort will be going it alone from now on in I guess.

Dizzi please don't go. I'm still on the pregnancy thread (38+4), and I have learnt a lot today from your posts (and some of the others). I just assumed breastfeeding would be easy because it's natural. I honestly didn't think about the million and one different variables that come into play.

I would never look down my nose at anyone who is bottle feeding. At the end of the day, a baby with a full tummy = happy baby surely! Happy baby = happy mummy (hopefully).

My sister was bottle fed and has never had hardly any illness in her life (including colds). I was breast fed and am tiny, sickly and have a lung disease. Life is just that way I think.

I've learnt a lot from your posts over the last few months and hope you feel able to post again. There are lots of people that I know appreciate you sharing your story as traumatic as it sounds. Please don't feel judged, you sound like an amazing mummy who has fought hard to do her best for her baby. I hope you'll come back. x

turtlemoose

I asked him a few weeks ago if he would go to a counsellor, there is actually a Relate at the end of our street ( how ironic!), he initially said yes, then about a week later threw it back at me during an argument that it was pointless and wasting our time as it wouldn't help anyway. So he's not prepared to, and he's not prepared to listen to me.

We are at mum and dads which is a bed and breakfast, but typically they are fully booked tonight so no spare rooms. I'm going to sleep in the living room with Reuben, I don't want to be in the same room as him at the mo let alone the same bed.

I just don't understand how we got from being so excited and happy that we were having a baby together and starting the rest of our lives together.....and now we are talking (screaming/shouting) about it all being over. I feel like I've been hit with a sledgehammer and just can't even compute the emotions involved at the mo

sunshine_1988

turtlemoose wrote: »

I asked him a few weeks ago if he would go to a counsellor, there is actually a Relate at the end of our street ( how ironic!), he initially said yes, then about a week later threw it back at me during an argument that it was pointless and wasting our time as it wouldn't help anyway. So he's not prepared to, and he's not prepared to listen to me.

We are at mum and dads which is a bed and breakfast, but typically they are fully booked tonight so no spare rooms. I'm going to sleep in the living room with Reuben, I don't want to be in the same room as him at the mo let alone the same bed.

I just don't understand how we got from being so excited and happy that we were having a baby together and starting the rest of our lives together.....and now we are talking (screaming/shouting) about it all being over. I feel like I've been hit with a sledgehammer and just can't even compute the emhotions involved at the mo

hugs xx

Maybe some sleep and space would be good and talk about it in the morning when you have slept on it?

Does he realise how upset you are? As someone said maybe the realisation of losing you and Reuben would make him think twice.

I really hope whatever happens is the best thing for you and Reuben. Emotions are so delicate after a baby, it might just be a mix of tiredness and frustration which has all blown up today? Xxx

*Ro*

Deleted aa

turtlemoose

We've been arguing like this for bout 2 months now, it's just getting nastier and nastier.

I think I said on here before, I don't know what is genuines unacceptable and what is me being crazy just-had-a-baby hormones....but th way he has spoken to me this holiday has led to my mum asking me if I am in the right relationship.

I am just all over the place and dont know what to do. I am driving all the way home tomorrow (about 7hrs driving but will have to stop at least 3 times for Reuben to change nappy, feed etc). Not looki forward to being in the car that long!

*Ro*

Deleted aa

Aimless

turtlemoose wrote: »

I read on here bout your OH's making you tea while you do night feeds, and stuff like that, and it just makes me really sad because I haven't had any of that. Mine says that BFing means he "can't bond" with Reuben and, because I "refuse" to express, he can't help with night feeds so it's my own fault I'm tired. Never mind that I said he could help by doing the winding, feeding, nappies, putting back down....but because that's what I want him to do, not what he wants to do, then he won't do it cuz what's the point. Never mind the fact it's what I would like, or what I need,it seems like if it's not important to him then it's not important full stop.

Lol, tell him not to be so wet! My other half doesn't do feeds yes, but strangely enough he managed to bond just fine. We only see him once a fortnight generally, but when we do, he does plenty of nappies, carries him in the sling, talks to him, plays with him...

However, what he does that annoys is wander off when I'm feeding to do little jobs and never come back! So I'll be stuck in the bedroom attached to a baby, he'll say, oh, I'll go wash the car, and there I am for an hour sometimes with nothing but bad telly for company. As for night feeds, he usually goes back to sleep!

Aimless

Joking aside though, there have been moments when I have been absolutely raging with my other half, sometimes justified, sometimes not! I think lack of sleep and the constant attention a baby needs can leave everyone short tempered and feeling neglected. I'm sure a lot of the others here would agree. A lot of the time I sit on it, as I know I can be grumpy and it may be unjustified, but I have snapped at him on many occasions. Particularly if he does not feed me!

Anyway, before I started rambling, I think my point was, do not act in haste, it is a very stressful time of your life.

turtlemoose

Aimless well I did actually say it was bullsh!t about not bonding .....probably not the best choice of words but the level and time of anger has reduced me to being not quite so eloquent as perhaps i would have been in the past. He then went off on one saying he was trying to say how he felt and i'm dismissing it.

I don't want to express for night feeds because:
A) I've survived the newborn fog, I don't need the help to function
baby gets the right balance of fore/hind milk when they feed directly - he won't (or may not) get that from an expressed bottle.
C) in order for the milk to contain "sleepymones" (lol thanks kira for that word!) then it means I must express at night, so that'll be one hell of a terrible night for me the night or two before with feeding and expressing....for some reason I get much more out with the pump between about 11am and 3pm, evenings I get maybe an oz in 20 mins. So basically I would have to not sleep for 2 or 3 nights to get enough for him to do one night of feeds.
D) OH does not wake up on his own to R. So I would have to wake him, tell him he needs a bottle, probably comfort R while bottle is warmed, by which time I could probably have fed, winded and got him back in the cot. And my sleep would still have been interrupted.
e) Reuben is exclusively bf, and before that, cup fed, and before that, syringe. Ive seen him, he will take a bottle, but he struggles a little and why make him take a bottle when the real thing is available?

So I can list 5 reasons why I feel expressing for OH to do night feeds isn't really something I'm comfortable with. I could probably list more if I really thought about it.....but no, I am being selfish and stopping him from bonding with his son.

I know what it is, it comes back to his older son (hmm there's a pattern emerging here!). FF from birth so no BFing envy there. OH worked but soon as he got home he was put in charge of baby as she had "had him all day and needed some space". So he had older son every day from when he got in from work, did the night feeds, then went to work and repeat. I think he feels a lack of control about it...but I feel that BFing is a mothers decision and her decision alone.

I initially intended to bf for 6 months, but now I've done the realy hard slog and got to the (touch wood!) easier part, I think why give formula from 6 to 12 months when I've worked so hard to bf...so I intend to go to 1 yr if I can. I told my mum this this week ( she asked) and you should have seen OH face, he was not happy. But I don't think that is his decision to make....but he won't see it like that.

Sorry I'm going to stop hijacking the thread now.