MSE Newborn to 1 year Baby Club 1

Gillyx

Preview does look crap. Hmm putting me off going now. My OH starts at 6.30 so I'd need to be back for then, but it's only a 10 minute walk away.

turtlemoose

Dizzi what a horrible day. You are not messing her up at all, she won't remember this, and she has a lovely mummy who loves her millions. I don't have any advice but please don't think badly of yourself, you are not a failure - all you need to do to prove that is look at the gorgeous little girl you made xxx

sunshine_1988

Gillyx wrote: »

Preview does look crap. Hmm putting me off going now. My OH starts at 6.30 so I'd need to be back for then, but it's only a 10 minute walk away.

I'm not sure either...when I have been before there have been different things in the store. We're going out at 10 in the morning so may pop in after, but then all the good stuff will be gone!!

I'll decide later on I think.

sunshine_1988

dizziblonde wrote: »

Have had a viler than vile day.

Firstly Tescos is packed - end up miles away from the door in the rain - thankfully the baby thought the rain landing on her was hilarious and shrieked with laughter.
Then I get stuck behind Mr Euromillions at the petrol station (not joking here - we've got the 42 million winning couple a few streets away) and have to wait AAAAGGGEEEESSSSS while he puts £100 of fuel in his Jag - when I was rushing to pick hubby up anyway.
Then we go to look at a boarding kennel cos we've been dropped in it by the friend who was going to dogsit when we go away end of the month - and it's viler than vile - I wouldn't board a gerbil there... and hubby agrees on that one. On the way back he has the cheek to tell ME off for not bugging him more about the dog boarding that he'd told me was under control with his mate looking after them - cue the most massive blazing row ever - I threw up some stuff to throw at him, he threw up the hospital stuff at me - which raked up all those wounds again... ends up with him driving, not giving it a rest and me screaming constantly at him to shut up etc etc (both as bad as each other).
That one simmers down, we try ringing other boarding kennels - no vacancies unsurprisingly... so now it's looking like I'm going to be stuck at home with the baby and the dogs while he goes alone up to this wedding I was actually looking forward to, not only that but it'll disappoint both sets of grandparents we were going to visit as well - and that'll all be my fault cos it usually is - and I'll get it in the neck from my mother in particular... even though she can never be bothered to even phone us and see how we're doing. And I really don't want to be left on my own - I'm too scared of how I'll cope with doing everything with no break... and the row's raked up all the hospital stuff so I'm now such a wreck again.
And if I go to the docs and say how much of a wreck I am over the hospital stuff - that might trigger mental health concerns and social services getting back involved - and I live my entire life in terror that someone somewhere will reopen a referral to social services and we'll loose her - just feel we'll never escape that initial referral the hospital did (this stuff's all buried in the pregnancy thread when she was born),
So now hubby's gone out to walk the dogs, baby's lying doing the "not going to sleep heee hee hee" thing, I'm sat here crying and worrying what permanent psychological damage is done by her witnessing a blazing row and her mother sob most of the evening - and really thinking someone as screwed up as me should never have had another small person to screw up - she deserves a mum much better than the failure that is me.

Oh honey. I am sending you the biggest biggest hug. Please please don't feel so down.

I had no idea about SS and the hospital refferal. However, I work in a complaints team for SS and I know how the smallest thing can be reffered when in reality it does not need to be. can't guarantee that you wouldn't be reffered if you did seek help, but I would urge you to if you are feeling so down. If they refer you, you have nothing to be ashamed of and they should immediately close the case with an NFA as you are doing fabulously.

She will not even remember you rowing. You have done so well with her, after all you have been through she is a thriving beautiful girl and don't forget that you are the one who has made her that way.

If you don't want to go and see anyone, just rant away to us - I know it helps talking about things and writing them down.

You are doing a fab job hun, just take a few deep breaths, maybe go for a walk with the little one, or on your own. Once you have both cooled off I bet the row won't even seem that bad.
xxxxxx

dizziblonde

Sunshine they referred me while giving birth because I was scared that the spinal block and stirrups thing would cause me perma damage from my SPD and they wouldn't record my painfree gap and stick to that. In the end they DO seem to have caused some damage as well. First couple of days of her life were spent running to the NICU and being quizzed as to my suitability as a mother... and being under levels of scruiny by all the ward staff that were insanely high pressure - the whole thing left me so traumatised I'm in counselling for it already and I'm just utterly terrified of social services coming back into our lives because they told us we'd "always be a family KNOWN to them" when they decided no action needed to be taken.

There isn't a day goes by I don't panic they'll come after us again and take her.

sunshine_1988

dizziblonde wrote: »

Sunshine they referred me while giving birth because I was scared that the spinal block and stirrups thing would cause me perma damage from my SPD and they wouldn't record my painfree gap and stick to that. In the end they DO seem to have caused some damage as well. First couple of days of her life were spent running to the NICU and being quizzed as to my suitability as a mother... and being under levels of scruiny by all the ward staff that were insanely high pressure - the whole thing left me so traumatised I'm in counselling for it already and I'm just utterly terrified of social services coming back into our lives because they told us we'd "always be a family KNOWN to them" when they decided no action needed to be taken.

There isn't a day goes by I don't panic they'll come after us again and take her.

Oh hun. Please try not to think like that. There is no reason for them to take her away from you, you are doing a great job.

Please dont think so little of yourself as you are a fab mummy. xxxx

Are you feeling any better at all? x

mozzyc

Ah Dizzi, hugs hun. You're a great mum, you need to keep remembering that! Concentrate on the good things hun xx

mozzyc

Gilly hope you get some great bargains if you do go, you too Sunshine x

sexymouse

Dizzi do you have a neighbour who would be willing to dog-sit? You could post an advert on gumtree for a dogsitter or put one up in your local shop - I expect there would be some cash-strapped person who'd be willing to do it. Alternatively, my neighbour works for a dog-sitting company where they take the dogs to their home and then you collect them. Think this is the one - no idea how much they cost though.

Sammie_03

Morning all

Dizzi - huge hugs :grouphug: like others have said you are doing a brilliant job so don't forget it

Arghhhh screaming baby!!! Back in a bit

Xx