what would you do if!!!!!!

julie8314dave

You received an answerphone message by mistake and found your partner of 16 years telling his co worker that there was a girl where he worked that was absoluetly gorgeous and basically what he would have done with her, HE ALSO SAID THAT SHE WAS mad about money and was going to ask her the right price( did not get that bit) AND ASKING OUTRIGHT THAT IF HIS CO WORKER COULD GET AWAY WITH IT WOULD HE, he replied if this woman got drunk you are onto a winner my partner agreedl

Before that the conversation started with his freind telling him about a girl that he had slept with whilst he was with his wife and got away with it, MY PARTNER MENTIONED THIS GIRL TWICE BEFORE THE PHONE WENT OFF,

My partner has never given me any reason not to distrust him and has been a good dad to the kids.

When i confronted my partner he said that it was male banter, and that he got fed up with the other bloke keep chirping on about his conquests.

If anybody had asked me what my partners reply would have been to this i would have said that he would say I am quite content with my missis i do not need anything else. but instead of that he says as above.

i do not know what to believe or do as it has left me devestated, i can not even bare to talk to him, also i have enough to deal with at the moment as my dad is going for tests next Friday for cancer.

Why do men do this! i want to believe him about male banter as i said before i have never had any reason to distrust him but feel very let down.

He has appologised and said that he should not have said those things and has said that there was no woman and that he would never ever do that to me but i feel that the trust has now gone i just can not deal with it.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO !!!!!!

Elle7

The caps make this a bit confusing, I'd edit them out.

It must be quite a bit of a shock. It'll be obvious from the message if its office banter...is his friend telling him things, winding him up, and your OH agreeing? Or is it your OH instigating the conversation?

I'm glad he has apologized - did he apologize as soon as he knew you knew, or did he try and defend himself first? If he apologized straight away, then maybe there is grounds there that you can work on.

I'd tell him that you are very upset, and need some space right now. Then take some time out for yourself, its sounds like you've got more then enough on your plate right now without him adding to it. He should be supporting you, not making you feel worse.

DUTR

julie8314dave wrote: »

You received an answerphone message by mistake and found your partner of 16 years telling his co worker that there was a girl where he worked that was absoluetly gorgeous and basically what he would have done with her, HE ALSO SAID THAT SHE WAS mad about money and was going to ask her the right price( did not get that bit) AND ASKING OUTRIGHT THAT IF HIS CO WORKER COULD GET AWAY WITH IT WOULD HE, he replied if this woman got drunk you are onto a winner my partner agreedl

Before that the conversation started with his freind telling him about a girl that he had slept with whilst he was with his wife and got away with it, MY PARTNER MENTIONED THIS GIRL TWICE BEFORE THE PHONE WENT OFF,

My partner has never given me any reason not to distrust him and has been a good dad to the kids.

When i confronted my partner he said that it was male banter, and that he got fed up with the other bloke keep chirping on about his conquests.

If anybody had asked me what my partners reply would have been to this i would have said that he would say I am quite content with my missis i do not need anything else. but instead of that he says as above.

i do not know what to believe or do as it has left me devestated, i can not even bare to talk to him, also i have enough to deal with at the moment as my dad is going for tests next Friday for cancer.

Why do men do this! i want to believe him about male banter as i said before i have never had any reason to distrust him but feel very let down.

He has appologised and said that he should not have said those things and has said that there was no woman and that he would never ever do that to me but i feel that the trust has now gone i just can not deal with it.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO !!!!!!

How can you get to recieve the message for your partners co-worker?
It sorts of sounds like he has done it with intent for you to hear

shegirl

Have to say it does sound like teasing male banter to me.I've heard female friends do similar and it's always been harmless.

julie8314dave

sorry about the capps, keyboard is playing up.

My partner must have sat on his phone dialed the last number, i did not answer, the phone went to answerphone.

He appologised straightaway whilst he was listening to the message, then when he heard the bit about the girl at work he said there is no girl i was just fed up with him going on all the time, i thought it would shut him up, he has said sorry a thousand times and can not see why i would think he would do this to me.

Carl31

Men talk like that all the time, doesnt mean theyre cheating

Men are all about visual, they look but the majority dont touch. Its just banter you accidently heard, dont worry about it

You cant tell me you have never looked at brad pitt or whatever and fantisised slightly?

londonsurrey

Insist on him obtaining a fully cleared VD check if he's even thinking of getting anywhere near you again.

shop-to-drop

When I read your post I was inclined to think it sounded like male banter. You say you have never suspected always felt you can trust him, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt but make it clear that it has upset you and is not acceptable. He owes you a nice night out or something to apologise. However, if something else happens that makes you doubt him I'd take it seriously.

Torry_Quine

I have to say I would find this unacceptable and he would have to work very hard to regain my trust to enable me to forgive him.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Talking about women as though they are prostitutes, finding out the right price?

Ugh.

Who cares if he hasn't actually done anything himself with her? He's technically pimping her out.




[shudder]

jenhug

just silly male banter. sounds like you are feeling emotionally vulnerable at the moment and it probably wouldn't have worried you so much usually? Just give him a clip round the ear and tell him he owes you a box of chocolates! (Then remind him why he has no need to stray!)