How to accept that life isn't how I want it to be?

Person_one

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Well, you don't, you never do.

You try internet dating, or something else which will be ok with you and you continue till you meet the right bloke.

There is someone out there who will be compatible with you, you just haven't met them yet. This is so true, but it is so difficult to make people believe it.

There have always been people who haven't met partners and stay single their whole lives, for many reasons. There isn't someone for everyone.

The OP specifically said she wasn't looking for advice on how to meet men, but on how to be happy living her life without one rather than wasting it waiting and hoping. I think that's an incredibly healthy outlook and its a shame people are ignoring her.

Lotus-eater

Person_one wrote: »

There have always been people who haven't met partners and stay single their whole lives, for many reasons. There isn't someone for everyone.

The OP specifically said she wasn't looking for advice on how to meet men, but on how to be happy living her life without one rather than wasting it waiting and hoping. I think that's an incredibly healthy outlook and its a shame people are ignoring her.

There is someone for everyone.

I answered the OP's question perfectly, I think you have an unbelievably unhealthy outlook to life and I will continue to answer questions the way I think fit.

tesuhoha

Person_one wrote: »

There have always been people who haven't met partners and stay single their whole lives, for many reasons. There isn't someone for everyone.

The OP specifically said she wasn't looking for advice on how to meet men, but on how to be happy living her life without one rather than wasting it waiting and hoping. I think that's an incredibly healthy outlook and its a shame people are ignoring her.

The problem is it is not possible to just stop hoping for something you have always wanted. Therefore, surely she should try to enjoy life as much as possible and accept that her dreams will still be there.

Person_one

Lotus-eater wrote: »

There is someone for everyone.

Then why do so many people never find their 'someone'?

tesuhoha

Person_one wrote: »

Then why do so many people never find their 'someone'?

They don't go to places where they can meet someone. I think most people meet their other halves in social situations.

Lotus-eater

Person_one wrote: »

Then why do so many people never find their 'someone'?

For all that you haunt me, picking at my posts with gho-ul like glee, even I'm surprised that you ask this question.

They don't, because they don't.

Statistics mean that you only meet a certain number of people.....do I really need to go on. !!!!!!.

Person_one

tesuhoha wrote: »

They don't go to places where they can meet someone. I think most people meet their other halves in social situations.

MountainBaby wrote: »

I have tried lots of things. Actively looking for someone, not looking because “the right man will come along when you stop looking”, internet dating, letting friends set me up on dates, speed dating, joining clubs and evening classes, volunteering, you name it I’ve tried it.... although not all at once obviously, I’m talking about over the last 20 years!

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yonk

I have a male friend in exactly the same position. I think now he doesn't look for company as he has left it too long and the lack of experience also means he doesn't spot the signals either. He's fine though and off to travel the world next year, making the most of having no ties.

There is something called ACT, which you could look at but it's not too late. Another good friend of mine recently married after trying to fix up a friend with a bloke who was actually interested in her and she didn't notice for a while. It's all about finding like-minded people to meet and if you're not a bar-type person, then that's the wrong place. Gumtree and meetups.com have lots of groups and social stuff, try a new sport or leisure activity and don't worry about meeting men, just meet people!

Basically, just sometimes, you can't have it all. My OH didn't want kids, we have no kids, had I been married to someone else, I suspect things would be different. However, he makes me happy and treats me very well and I'd rather that than "make do" with someone else. They say here in Scotland, "What's for ye, will not pass ye by" and it's true, you'll just never know the timing.

alyth

I'm 41 and have two relationships in my life - one a 2 year marriage, the other a 15 year relationship. During that 2 year relationship my ex and I didn't have sex for the last 15 years. I've been on my own for 3.5 years now.

A friend uses oasis, the dating website. I joined it perhaps about a week ago. Got chatting to a guy, he came up two nights ago, after a few glasses of wine I invited him - dutch courage I suppose. He stayed the night, and we got on fantastically.

I finished work at 11pm tonight and we were chatting on line. About half an hour ago, a mice crawled over my desk - I have a bit of a mouse problem as I live in the country. This guy is now hoofing his way up to me, he only lives about 10 miles away, because I am freaked out by the fact a mouse could crawl over my bed. Whether he stays or not is irrevalent, the fact that we got on so well and someone would do that for me is making me cry even before he has got here.

My point - you have to push yourself out of your comfort zone. I have no idea whether this guy and I will be together long term- but he cares enough for me to come and help me, sit with me as I am terrified of this damn mouse.

Joint a dating site - you are 41 the same age as me. Go on something like a walking holiday - not for dating, to meet people. push yourself. For 3.5 years I have sat in my tiny little cottage with my mice and my dog, for whatever reason whether it be lonliness, sick of being on my own, I invited this person to my house - and I spent a good while on the phone to a friend as I was so so scared, to the extent that he spoke to her to reasure her. As someone else posted you only get one life.

You are half way through your life - if not less if we are to be blunt.

They say here in Scotland, "What's for ye, will not pass ye by" and it's true, you'll just never know the timing.

this is so so true. You make your own destiny and pave your own way in life. I'm waiting on my mouse man to come........ I took a massive risk and a gamble - I may be back on this site in 2 months time moaning about what a git he is - but I had a very special night with him two nights ago, and you know what, he doesn't think any less of me because of what I did and I am so so proud of myself for inviting him up here. A massive gamble, and so outside of my comfort zone that I astonished myself. But life is not a dress rehearsal.

Do you have dreams? I'm a mature student and work part time in a supermarket. I got my leave approved today to go and be a pandakeeper in China again - something I've done twice. Save, take baby steps, I put away my two pound coins and also a pound a day towards my dreams.

And remember, being in a relationship is not all is it cracked up to be - see how many unhapy people there are in relationships on this site!

RacyRed

MountainBaby wrote: »

When do I give up and accept that what I have is good enough.

Don't think in terms of giving up your dreams, that will just depress you. But maybe let go of the effort and thought you have been putting into them and direct your physical, mental and emotional energy into other things that you know give you pleasure.

As for how to do it? Well, might you be subconsciously thinking that many of the things/people you enjoy about your life now are temporary and may have to give way to make room in your life for the man of your dreams, should he come along? If this is a possibility then viewing the good things in your life as a core part of what makes you who you are, and embracing them fully might be a good place to start.

When you truly value what you already have and begin to target what you feel comfortable knowing you can achieve, there will be little room to regret what "might have been". I'm not sure if I am explaining this very well at all, it is a subtle shift of attitude rather than a light bulb moment sort of thing. To be honest, it sounds to me from your post as if you have already begun the process.

Very few of us, if any, are able to achieve all of our dreams and not very many of us end up living the life we expected we would. You are certainy not alone in that