How to accept that life isn't how I want it to be?

JulieGeorgiana

MountainBaby when I was single after ending my Marriage... after a while I got lonley and I tried dating and nothing came of it... I was so sure I could find someone, but no!

One day I decided to stop waiting and that I had to live my life to the fullest and enjoy it (as you only live once) if a man came along... Great! If not... well I was determined to be happy.

So I learnt how to drive, and bought a car.
I started going out more often, and doing things I liked (walking A LOT)
I went on dating websites, and instead of looking for 'the one' I tried to find nice men who would take me to nice places for a bit of company.
I pampered myself and bought myself things i'd always wanted

You sound lonley, maybe you could consider living with someone. I know many woman who house share for company. Take up any and all hobbies that you enjoy and indulge. Save your money and go on holidays... and pamper yourself.

You should never 'give up' because that's when we loose hope... but you should grab life and live it to the fullest and enjoy yourself.

I was lucky I did find someone, he told me it was my enthusiasm for enjoying life which grabbed his attention... the fact that if I got a 'second date' wasn't an issue so much as just being myself. Had I met him before I don't think we would have gotten together. I mean I used childrens suncream on our first date and asked him if I had green on my nose because I didn't have am mirror!

No one can say this would happen for you... my point is you should enjoy your life and be happy!

Be yourself x

Good Luck x

bacardi66

If you decide you do want a relationship I have quite a few friends around your age who have met their husbands/partners through internet dating. One of my friends had been single since she was at Uni but met her husband via internet dating in her late 30s and is now married with 2 kids another had been single for 15 years and has just moved in with her partner she met via the internet. And I have other male and female friends who have had similar luck after thinking they had left things too late in their late 30s and early 40s but are now in long term live in relationships/married/have kids.

Like others have said though, YOU are the only one who can change things for yourself and you will have to put yourself out there. It might take a while and you might not meet Mr Right but just to go out and date will probably really boost your confidence.

Good luck!

Oldernotwiser

tesuhoha wrote: »

They don't go to places where they can meet someone. I think most people meet their other halves in social situations.

Actually, I believe most people meet their partners at work.

property.advert

Though I didn't believe it when I first heard it and thought it was only proffered as an excuse for some shortcoming or other, I now believe the saying that in the end "you don't regret the things you did, only the things you didn't do".

In essence, you are the master of your own destiny and you won't be able to give up until you have tried and the longer you wait, the less chances and time you have so just get on with it and to hell with the consequences.

make_me_wise

My advice is focus on all the positive aspects of your life. You are still young, god help us when 40 something means we are written off.

Do all that you can to make your life the way you want it to be and to find inner happiness, instead of carrying feelings of anxiety and regret.

The grass is not always greener. Other peoples lives may look more appealing and they may seem to have everything you dream of, but that is rarely the case. All of us make compromises, forego things we long for, and wish for other things. Look on the bright side, whilst being single you haven't had to cope with relationship traumas, divorce, being left high and dry with kids in tow. Not all relationships go that way of course but a good few do, as you can see from the stories of woe on here.

Are you happy in your job or would a change of direction add more to your life? Do you like where you live, as you have no ties would a move add a new exciting dimension? You are young, free and single, you have good health and you are in control of making your life whatever you want it to be. Mr Right may come along at some point, more than likely after a good few Mr Wrongs, but dont sit and wait for him.

Happy New Year and I hope that 2012 will be really good to you

Person_one

Lotus-eater wrote: »

For all that you haunt me, picking at my posts with gho-ul like glee, even I'm surprised that you ask this question.

They don't, because they don't.

Statistics mean that you only meet a certain number of people.....do I really need to go on. !!!!!!.

Don't flatter yourself, if it seems like I've been picking on you lately that will be because I disagree with your recent posts, nothing more.

What's the point of saying 'there's somebody for everybody, don't give up' if your next post admits that there's a pretty good chance of never meeting the somebody out there for you as they're one of 3 billion males on the planet?

We're not on this planet for long, we have to make the most of our situation as it is and enjoy it, which is what the OP wants to do, good for her! :T

Person_one

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Actually, I believe most people meet their partners at work.

In my experience, people meet partners through work, through shared interests, or through shared social contacts. Internet dating is getting bigger too of course.

Very few people that I know have met total strangers in bars etc. with no other connection and actually stayed together long term.

Oldernotwiser

Person_one wrote: »

Very few people that I know have met total strangers in bars etc. with no other connection and actually stayed together long term.

Agreed. (But often the short term's quite fun!)

Welshwoofs

My advice to the Op is that, if she wants a child, she should just get on with it and not worry about the 'finding a man' part of things. Go down the sperm bank route - if you're having trouble there I believe that Spain has the most advanced fertility treatment and they're not too worried about age either.

The fact is that when you look around there may be many people in a relationship, but that's no measure of quality. On this board alone the familar tales of infidelity, taking partners for granted, differing expectations of lifestyle/finance/workload sharing etc seem to indicate that many relationships are strained. If a relationship is something you really want then keep on doing what you're doing and the law of averages suggests and sooner or later you'll find someone - it may not be the 'perfect someone' but it may be a bit of uncomplicated sex and cuddling for awhile.

Ultimately though, a romantic partnership isn't the be all and end all of life - if you have a good network of friends and family and you have work and interests which satisfy you, then it's a pretty good life!

burnoutbabe

if you want to accept that your life will be one of a single woman, then you need to establish the sort of life you want as a single woman. Which means getting a good crowd of other singles to hang out with, someone to go on holiday with, to cinemas with, just out or for coffees. Very important to have this, as your married mates generally fall by the wayside in terms of being available to go out with, as kids come along.

I'm not sure why you have never met any man. have you been on lots of dates and just not wanted a 2nd date with any of them? or them you? or are you just not going on any dates even with trying online dating (which is another thing that could be fixed with a fresh approach). do you have far too high expectations of what THE ONE should be, having waited so long? and thus no one can match up. Would not trying to hang out with some suitable blokes of the right age and just seeing what happens be worth trying? no need to decide if he is the one on date 1, or even date 5. just have fun and be relaxed.

if you desperately want kids, then look into having one alone and then look for a man later, as unfortunately time is not on ones side.