Thai wives

brokenlily

londonsurrey wrote: »

So her badmouthing her in-laws to her parents, while there might be an element of plain normal gossipy badmouthing,

I think I maybe didn't clarify that one, she is badmouthing my OH and his brother to their own grandparents, my OH's dad's parents, not her own family. What she says to her own family is her own business, and her own opinion that she is entitled to have. However, both my OH and his brother find it upsetting to find out that she has been saying nasty things about them to their relatives, along the lines of him being selfish and uncaring. He isn't at all like that.

I realise there is a cultural difference in expectations and views of family and duty etc, but I don't think it is a nice thing to do, to come into someone's family and set yourself up as a caring saint while deliberately making others look bad. Let your actions speak for themselves, I say - if her intentions are genuinely done through love and care, then there would surely be no need for the drip-feed of unkind comments about the choices of others. Of course, she may have no malicious intentions, and it may be that she is just outspoken, but it does make people suspicious about her reasons for doing certain things when she speaks ill of other family members like that.

londonsurrey

brokenlily wrote: »

I think I maybe didn't clarify that one, she is badmouthing my OH and his brother to their own grandparents, my OH's dad's parents, not her own family. What she says to her own family is her own business, and her own opinion that she is entitled to have. However, both my OH and his brother find it upsetting to find out that she has been saying nasty things about them to their relatives, along the lines of him being selfish and uncaring. He isn't at all like that.

I realise there is a cultural difference in expectations and views of family and duty etc, but I don't think it is a nice thing to do, to come into someone's family and set yourself up as a caring saint while deliberately making others look bad. Let your actions speak for themselves, I say - if her intentions are genuinely done through love and care, then there would surely be no need for the drip-feed of unkind comments about the choices of others. Of course, she may have no malicious intentions, and it may be that she is just outspoken, but it does make people suspicious about her reasons for doing certain things when she speaks ill of other family members like that.

I agree with the points you make, and she doesn't sound very nice.
I suppose where the cultural bit comes in is that she feels that she's on utterly safe ground criticising that particular behaviour.

The best equivalents I can think of in this society are the permanently unemployed. The press is very happy to highlight their behaviour, many in the population tut at them, ironically even some unemployed people join in the general haranguing of the current unemployed family/group being pilloried for the moment. It's socially acceptable.

I suspect that to this Thai wife, although it's not a direct correlation in behaviour, it is the same in that it's simply socially acceptable to badmouth some types of behaviour and expect no shocked response to her doing so. Does that make sense?

brokenlily

Yes, it does make sense. I do think perhaps there is an issue there as well that grandparents do not challenge what she says, because of everything she does for them, even though they do not like what she says.

I do not doubt the genuineness of the marriage, as it happens, I just think she has a rather aggressive self-promotion agenda!

londonsurrey

brokenlily wrote: »

I do not doubt the genuineness of the marriage, as it happens, I just think she has a rather aggressive self-promotion agenda!

Lol. It does sound like it.

globalds

Do you think that all this thread shows is that the difference within a race or Nation are far wider than the differences between races and nations.

Thai brides come in all flavours shapes and sizes ...Just Like any other countries brides.

Your chances of long term success and failure probably depend more on the motivations ,character and chemistry as a couple than any good or bad mix of nationalities.