Thai wives

brokenlily

My OH's uncle has a Thai wife, and she is much younger. She left her son in Thailand to be brought up by his grandparents and has gone on to have a family here - 2 kids who are spoiled rotten and have everything, whereas her son has had a very different life. She puts a LOT of energy into the elderly parents over here. She is very vocally critical of British people and the way they do not care for their families, which my OH has often taken as an implicit criticism of him and his brother, both of whom moved away, and yet she's left her own family behind to create this new one and is now lavishing all her care on her husband's family.....something doesn't seem right.

Tropez

There are various agencies in what could be considered "Second-World" countries, such as places across Eastern Europe and the Far East who exist to set wealthy, Western men up with attractive but generally impoverished women. Some of these agencies organise various events or parties that serve as a kind of meet and greet for the men and women. The agencies effectively serve as a form of dating agency but unlike a normal dating agency there is an element of coercion and although the women have some element of choice the sad truth is that they are almost certainly there because they desperately want a new life and a man with the type of money that these agencies charge in "finders fees" is the type of man who could possibly provide that.

Areas such as Thailand and Singapore became somewhat renowned for this type of arrangement when the idea of "mail-order brides" started to become common knowledge. It was likely because Thailand is, rightly or wrongly, associated with various sexual taboos in society and the mail order bride business was seen as yet another amoral problem stemming from this part of the world but it certainly isn't confined there. A documentary on National Geographic aired in the UK several months ago investigated such an agency located in Ukraine.

It isn't necessarily the worst practice in the world especially as the women can say no (although no doubt there are agencies that engage in exploitation and enslavement out there) but it does make you feel sorry for some of them when this is what they perceive to be their only way out.

But of course, some Britons do simply meet ladies of different nationalities in natural ways, fall in love and marry them so not all, or even most, such relationships imply any form of payment to a third party.

margaretclare

I have heard it said that Western men are disillusioned with Western women because we're too independent, not subservient enough, too busy with our own concerns to wait hand-and-foot on a man.

I gleaned these scraps of info from 2 sources: one was a friend of ours in Canada who was on his 4th marriage, after 3 bruising divorces he'd gone to the Philippines in search of female companionship and marriage. He had no opinion at all of most of his own countrywomen or any Western female although, very surprisingly, he didn't include me in that categorisation - he told my OH that I was a 'diamond' and hang on to me at all costs.

The other source was when AgeUK used to have discussion boards. There were a few men on there who wrote off all their own countrywomen as 'fat, lazy, watched TV all day, smoked, were unattractive and didn't dance attendance on men' whereas Far Eastern women (this guy had a younger Thai girl-friend) had been 'brought up to know how to please a man, observe his needs, have his slippers warming and his meal on the table...' you get the picture.

There does seem to be this kind of perception in some quarters, and the fact that the OP has raised this seems to indicate that it has some substance. Of course, you could say that there are countries in the world where a woman has not much chance of a decent life and, while her youth and exotic looks last, uses whatever opportunities she has to latch on to a Western man and gain citizenship and a passport.

Gazing_On_Sunsets

I tutor a young lady from Thailand who is the wife of a British man. I do feel a bit sad for both of them, actually. It was through an agency. He thought she spoke a lot more English than she does, and I don't think she was expecting to end up in a rural village, miles from anywhere. She likes shopping and tv. Still, they are both adults who entered into the transaction with their own needs and aims.

Tropez

margaretclare wrote: »

I have heard it said that Western men are disillusioned with Western women because we're too independent, not subservient enough, too busy with our own concerns to wait hand-and-foot on a man.

I gleaned these scraps of info from 2 sources: one was a friend of ours in Canada who was on his 4th marriage, after 3 bruising divorces he'd gone to the Philippines in search of female companionship and marriage. He had no opinion at all of most of his own countrywomen or any Western female although, very surprisingly, he didn't include me in that categorisation - he told my OH that I was a 'diamond' and hang on to me at all costs.

The other source was when AgeUK used to have discussion boards. There were a few men on there who wrote off all their own countrywomen as 'fat, lazy, watched TV all day, smoked, were unattractive and didn't dance attendance on men' whereas Far Eastern women (this guy had a younger Thai girl-friend) had been 'brought up to know how to please a man, observe his needs, have his slippers warming and his meal on the table...' you get the picture.

There does seem to be this kind of perception in some quarters, and the fact that the OP has raised this seems to indicate that it has some substance. Of course, you could say that there are countries in the world where a woman has not much chance of a decent life and, while her youth and exotic looks last, uses whatever opportunities she has to latch on to a Western man and gain citizenship and a passport.

I think there's a certain element of truth in what you say. Some men certainly prefer to have an element of control over a woman and as a result look for potential suitors in a more male-oriented society where the women have a "traditional" gender role which lends itself to ideas of times long since past in the UK.

I also think that sometimes fear of divorce could be a motivating factor. A potential wife met through an agency who is trying to leave for a new life in Europe or the United States might be more easily convinced to sign a pre-nuptial agreement, for example, or agree to certain demands that would, in the event of divorce, disadvantage her somewhat. There's many stories we hear of rich men and women who have been forced to give up so much of their personal fortunes during divorces and especially in the case of someone who has already been through that there is a perceived good reason not to risk yourself.

And, in the documentary I watched the agency gave a statistic that less than 10% of couples it had "introduced" had ever got divorced. Now, if that is true (I say if, because they could have well pulled that figure out of their bottoms) for some men that is going to be a huge incentive to using such an agency.

I don't condone such agencies, although I don't outright condemn them either.

dontone

There seems to be a lot in Barnsley. And you see many of them shopping in Morrisons with their husbands. A lot of the men seem to be at least 30 years older than their wives, and they seem to have a really bad attitude towards them.
I was in there earlier this year, and stood behind a couple. He must have been in his late 50's/early 60's, and the Thai lady he was with was rather glamourous and was around mid 30's. He was telling her how to place items on the belt, which she was doing, and then he was having a go because she put eggs on first instead of the bread. They didn't have a huge amount and she was just smiling all the way through, but she did look a bit embarrassed, because he was rather loud and obnoxious.
He then turned to me and said "you have a basket - use the self service till" And I was rather taken aback and just said "I prefer a human to serve me thanks" then he looked at me and said "Well why are you waiting here? use a self serve, she - pointing to his wife - is a bit slow, so go over there"
I just ended up saying "She can take as long as she likes, I'm not in a rush, and I'll go where I like to be served THANKYOU!!" He backed off, but he must have thought that he could talk to any woman like he did her, and I still don't know what he problem was with me waiting behind them. He must have forgotten that Barnsley women sometimes have more balls than Barnsley men :rotfl:
Point is, is that I think some of these men who marry Thai/Russian ladies and the like, is that they like the control over their partners and also that these women are far away from home and many don't have any family here. They must think that their husbands behaviour to them is quite normal. :huh:

SailorSam

I thought of getting a Thai Bride, but the furthest i've been up to now is Birkenhead.

pukkamum

brokenlily wrote: »

My OH's uncle has a Thai wife, and she is much younger. She left her son in Thailand to be brought up by his grandparents and has gone on to have a family here - 2 kids who are spoiled rotten and have everything, whereas her son has had a very different life. She puts a LOT of energy into the elderly parents over here. She is very vocally critical of British people and the way they do not care for their families, which my OH has often taken as an implicit criticism of him and his brother, both of whom moved away, and yet she's left her own family behind to create this new one and is now lavishing all her care on her husband's family.....something doesn't seem right.

Perhaps she had no choice but to leave her family in Thailand as the only way she could keep them out of poverty was by living in England and marrying an english man, perhaps she is so devastated to have had to leave her loved ones she cannot understand why anyone would not lavish love and attention on their elderly parents or children and so she pours her love onto them.

Try opening your eyes wider?

Li0nhead

My post to a thread in October is asking something on the same lines:

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.php?p=47840625&postcount=17

Li0nhead wrote: »

Why do seemly sane people hit middle age and loose all sense of perspective?
You see fat middle aged male divorcees suddenly with a Thai bride on his arm and shock several years after getting clearance to stay in the county shes divorced him and is set up with half the proceeds.
Then you see the fat middle aged woman suddenly come back from Turkey or Africa with a young attractive man hanging on her arm.....Shock as several years later hes not with her but has a shiny new British passport.

Can we not simply marry both sets of idiots off to each other?

Taken from thread entitled:
"Divorcee, 53, in bid to save Turkish toyboy from deportation"

BugglyB

There are as many various permutations of asian wife and british husband as there are of british man and wife.

brokenlily - traditionally south east asian women will move into the husbands home and look after them in their old age. It will be down to their brothers wives to look after their own parents. So probably shes not criticising your OH and his brother - she's criticising you! But she should not come and impose her own countries values on your family, and I'd be the first to say to her, 'you are not in thailand now my friend!'

A lot of asian women want to marry western men for that reason alone - it frees them of the dictatorial asian mother in law who waited on her mother in law hand on foot and expects the same from her husbands daughter.

Some obviously do simply want a better life for themselves or their children.

My childhood friend married a japanese woman who he met whilst he was working in a bank over there, she was his colleague. He gets really sick and tired of the constant 'ting tong' references.