Why don't you have Children yet?

LisaB85

Following on from the 'Why are you single thread'

Are there any of you who don't have children for whatever reason who often get the 'Why don't you have children yet?' or the 'Oh you have no children, that's a shame' comments?

How do you deal with these?

I'm 26 and have never wanted children, I am not maternal in the slightest and it is rare any baby will make me go 'awww' so quite often people want to know the ins and out of a maggots !!!! hole.

If I say 'I don't want Children' I will get 50 questions about why, trying to change my mind and convince me one day I will want children.

Plans_all_plans

I'm amazed that anyone would ask a 26 year old these days why they don't have children yet! I am the same age and am the ONLY one out of all my friends to have kids, the rest are out working on their careers. I am the exception among people I know.

There's a thread on here called something like "Anyone Child-Free by Choice?" which might be worth a look, as it touches on the same topic.

ETA: here it is https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2312505

[Deleted User]

IMO these days 26 is still very young, people that do have kids this young have either been very maternal and that's all they wanted or they have had unplanned children. My opinion only though.

If you don't want kids so be it, no one else's business. To fob them off you have two choices:-

"I don't want kids now or in the future, its not for me", then change the subject, or a slight lie

"I don't feel ready yet, maybe later who knows", then change the subject.


And a very annoying comment for you to read, I had a friend like this and was adament she was never having kids, we lost contact at around 26/27 years old. Then I happened to come across her on FB when we were 33 - she was due to give birth in a few weeks. She had been with the same husband, so no new circs either.

Some people know straight away, some point change their minds, some people never do....................each one is absolutely right as long as that is what the individual wants.


Good luck OP.

Tropez

I'm a man and I get asked that.

It depends on who is asking me and how cranky I feel at the time as to how I answer.

Truthful answer would be that I don't think I would make a very good father.

Other possible answers would be - "I'm not an idiot and know how to use contraception", "I am forbidden under Article 53 of the Human Rights Act from fathering children.", "I don't want children.", "I have too many characters on World of Warcraft to level", "I find they don't taste like chicken afterall."

barbiedoll

Oh, just ignore the comments, some people are just incredibly rude. Even when you have a kid, all you hear is "When are you having the next one?"
:mad::mad:

You should just say to them..."Kids? No thanks. Not when I can go out every Friday night and get steaming drunk, I can s**g whoever I want, whenever I want and I don't have to spend all of my money on expensive plastic crap at Christmas. That's why I'm childless. Next question?"

:rotfl::rotfl:

lostinrates

Its a touchy one for me. TBH I really don't want t make anyone feel bad for asking the question or give out details of medicl conditions to wahat I see as primarily small talk. I mainly say say, ''no, sadly not. we are thinking about another puppy/kitten though''. The sadly makes it clear to all but the dense that its not something to push further, and the puppy/kitten comment hopefully suggests we're not sane enough to be worth ''convincing'' to ''do something about it''.

Funnily enough the worst culprit of my mother who KNOWS its not gonna happen and keeps pushing anyway I have told her several times its hurtful but I think she just forgets.

londonsurrey

"Because until now, you've been dragging your heels on your offer to incubate, fund and raise it".

j.e.j.

LisaB85 wrote: »

Are there any of you who don't have children for whatever reason who often get the 'Why don't you have children yet?' or the 'Oh you have no children, that's a shame' comments?

How do you deal with these?

I think I would find "Why don't you have children (yet)?" a really intrusive question, to be honest. I would not ask someone this.

A woman (or a man) might not have kids for myriad reasons, - you don't have to justify it to anyone else.

As to how to deal with it, maybe ask "well.. why would i have children..?" and see what their response is.

claire16c

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

I'm amazed that anyone would ask a 26 year old these days why they don't have children yet! I am the same age and am the ONLY one out of all my friends to have kids, the rest are out working on their careers. I am the exception among people I know.

I agree. I would find it more normal they would ask it the other way round like 'why do you want children already?' if you said you were planning them or something. Or would ask that if you were 36 - not that its something they should be asking though, its pretty rude.

Im 28 and only at the stage now where a couple of my friends are thinking about/trying to having kids in the next couple of years.

I know some people from school who have kids through seeing them on facebook, but they werent all planned - although a few were. (and this does include one girl I knew who in the 6th form said she hated kids - not just that she didnt want them - but couldnt stand them, found them totally annoying etc. shes now due this week I think!)

Gazing_On_Sunsets

I'm 35 and newly married. I've had it a bit but it's dropped off in the past year or so. As my OH has a little boy who stays with us weekends, I tend to say "we've got X so there's no need for me to do the screamy, bulgy, bleedy childbirth thing myself." Or "other people have kids so I don't have to. There isn't a national shortage or anything."

LisaB85

claire16c wrote: »

I agree. I would find it more normal they would ask it the other way round like 'why do you want children already?' if you said you were planning them or something. Or would ask that if you were 36 - not that its something they should be asking though, its pretty rude.

Im 28 and only at the stage now where a couple of my friends are thinking about/trying to having kids in the next couple of years.

I know some people from school who have kids through seeing them on facebook, but they werent all planned - although a few were. (and this does include one girl I knew who in the 6th form said she hated kids - not just that she didnt want them - but couldnt stand them, found them totally annoying etc. shes now due this week I think!)

Most of my friends already have kids, married etc x