Why don't you have Children yet?

scheming_gypsy

and don't forget the 'proud mummy' (or similar) bit in their name

Lotus-eater

I agree you have to be careful who and how you ask anything about kids. A couple in their late 60's are one of my best friends, they have no children, I've known them years and years, but would never dream of asking why they didn't have any.
If they ever want to tell me, that's up to them.

But my sister, when she had one child, I asked if she was going to have another, she exploded and said she was fed up of people asking that. Forgot of course that she had asked us the same thing
Then a few months later, suddenly said, I was wrong for saying that, I've found I ask people the same sort of thing all the time.

ps
I look younger than most of the people I went to school with also, I don't think it's got much to do with kids

dizziblonde

I used to absolutely go ballistic at anyone who asked (again was hit with very awful circumstances regarding fertility and miscarriage)... it's distressing, it's excessively nosey (you're basically asking a couple if they're having sex with no contraception) and it's completely a typical example of how society judges particularly a woman's worth by her reproductive organs.

I found that the "oh, you want us to go away and have SEX (overemphasise the sex part) just so we fit into your perception of what we should be doing" shut a fair few of them up.

But yep - I'll rip anyone a new rear-hole who starts bashing or harassing the childless - be it through choice or lousy circumstances cos I had years of it and it's absolutely vile judgementalism at its worst.

Any

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I agree you have to be careful who and how you ask anything about kids. A couple in their late 60's are one of my best friends, they have no children, I've known them years and years, but would never dream of asking why they didn't have any.
If they ever want to tell me, that's up to them.

But my sister, when she had one child, I asked if she was going to have another, she exploded and said she was fed up of people asking that. Forgot of course that she had asked us the same thing
Then a few months later, suddenly said, I was wrong for saying that, I've found I ask people the same sort of thing all the time.

ps
I look younger than most of the people I went to school with also, I don't think it's got much to do with kids

I agree it is to do with how you ask. Definitely.
If you don't ask new people what they do etc you will never know if you have a common subject to talk about. Having children definitely is one of those things.

However asking "whys" or "hows" or "regrets" is a step too far.

And also people (like me) who are asked all these things (and judged immediately) create allergy to this sort of questions and are likely to explode on slightest off chance. Completely understandable.

Lovelyjoolz

Firstly, I'm not childLESS I'm childFREE! I can't think about pregnancy without comparing it to a parasite. I can't look at scans or talk about babies kicking in utero and I really don't like babies. I don't hold them or coo over them. I can't even walk down the baby aisle in Tesco because the smell makes me queasy. I enjoy friends children and children in my family when they are old enough to have 'conversations' with - some of the things they come out with are hilarious. But I've never, ever wanted any of my own.

I'm 38 now and people who know me have long since stopped asking when I'm having any, but I used to get it all the time. Oh you'll change your mind when you are older/you love them when they're your own/you'll regret it if you don't - all such annoying bullsh!t. The most infuriating instance of this was when, at 32, I was having real problems with contraceptive (pill making me ill, depo injection not agreeing with me/ not suitable for IUD because I hadn't been pregnant!) and I asked my GP for referal to be sterilised. She refused, point blank, saying that she couldn't morally refer me as she was certain that I would change my mind at later date. I was furious that she could be so patronising and condescending.

euronorris

Lotus-eater wrote: »

ps
I look younger than most of the people I went to school with also, I don't think it's got much to do with kids

I find it's a real mix, so I don't think it's got anything to do with the kids too.

There are some people, even a couple of years younger than me, who are single and childfree, and yet look at least 10 years older than me! Some look younger of course. But the same can also be said for the parents among them. Some look very old, and some don't.

Person_one

euronorris wrote: »

I find it's a real mix, so I don't think it's got anything to do with the kids too.

There are some people, even a couple of years younger than me, who are single and childfree, and yet look at least 10 years older than me! Some look younger of course. But the same can also be said for the parents among them. Some look very old, and some don't.

I've found that the ones who used to go on the sunbeds at lunch break are the ones who've aged badly, nothing to do with parenthood!

scheming_gypsy

Person_one wrote: »

I've found that the ones who used to go on the sunbeds at lunch break are the ones who've aged badly, nothing to do with parenthood!

i don't.. i use sunbeds and look younger than the ones (with kids) i went to school with

Any

So shall we settle on the real reason - ie it depends how well you look after yourself (enough sleep, good food etc) and genes? :-))

Person_one

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

i don't.. i use sunbeds and look younger than the ones (with kids) i went to school with

Not for long...;)