Why don't you have Children yet?

neverdespairgirl

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

I'm amazed that anyone would ask a 26 year old these days why they don't have children yet! I am the same age and am the ONLY one out of all my friends to have kids, the rest are out working on their careers. I am the exception among people I know.

I agree - I had my son (not entirely deliberately) when I was 27, and only in the last year or two have any of my friends joined me in parenthood.

OP, it's none of their business if you do or don't have children. Whatever you choose, it's your life, your business, etc.

neverdespairgirl

That reminded me - my Granny and mother have always wondered why my uncle (their son and brother, respectively) and his wife didn't have children. But they've never asked. My mother says if they want us to know, they'll tell us.

Plans_all_plans

Person_one wrote: »

Why do you need to ask? If they intend to have children and are able to you'll find out when she announces her pregnancy or you get a christening invite!

There is no NEED to ask, it's just conversation. You might feel it's nosey, I don't. I didn't care that for the last 5 years people have asked me "are you having a 2nd child?", or when we weren't married "are you getting married?". Some people might take mortal offence at the questions, so be it.

The amount of things people are getting upset about on here at the moment it doesn't surprise me that someone'll be offended somewhere!

Peater

missbishi wrote: »

I'm 35 and resolutely nulliparous. I tell nosey parkers that I think the country is overpopulated as it is and to bring more people into the world is plain selfish! That usually shuts 'em up!

High five!

mudgekin

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

I wouldn't say there was anything wrong in asking "would you like children?" to a newly married couple. But I certainly wouldn't pry any further than that. It'd be fairly obvious to me that someone who's been married for 5+ years either doesn't want/can't have children, so I wouldn't ask in these circumstances.

I had to have a hysterectomy at 28 which devastated me and got married at 30. so yes being asked as a newlywed would have upset me.

TBH it isn't a subject for small talk, to me that is one of the most personal questions that can be asked. You simply have no clue whether it is medical reasons or simply that the person is childfree through choice, it simply is none of your business

It isn't JUST conversation and unless you have been through it and walked in the shoes of a woman who has that choice taken from her then don't you dare make the comment below :mad:

The amount of things people are getting upset about on here at the moment it doesn't surprise me that someone'll be offended somewhere!

That rates as one of the most insensitive remarks made here

euronorris

LisaB85 wrote: »

Most of my friends already have kids, married etc x

Which is the same with my group of friends too. I'm 29 now, but most of them married about 5 years ago, and starting having kids then.

But, I must say, I don't get many questions about when I will have kids cos most people already know that I want them, it's just a case of putting the right things in place before starting. OH needs a local contract first, we don't want to be at risk of him having to return to the UK after committing to a mortgage here and me being pregnant/just had a baby.

What does irk me though, is the odd few women who suggest that I just get pregnant 'accidentally on purpose', because then 'everything will fall into place'!!!:eek: Could never, and would never do that! My desire to have children is strong, but only in the right circumstances. I must add, it has only been one or two people who've suggested this, and I'd already started to distance myself from them because of other selfish traits they had, but still. It's shocking that people think that is OK!

clearing_out_my_pockets

Many of my cousins started having children from around the age of 18. At the age of 29 and having recently got married, babies are the only thing most of my aunts talk to me about. I normally give one of the following answers:

"I thought I'd give gran some time off knitting duty - she's so busy knitting for the cousins"
"We're enjoying being married for the time being"
"If you can find a way for us to pay the mortgage on one salary, you're a better woman than I!"

SandC

Does anyone think I was out of order when an old friend I hadn't seen for nearly 20 years and I got together for a chat asking her about the children issue? Bearing in mind I don't have any myself (age 41), I know how intrusive it is (and being single, if you've got a child or more kids that makes the single thing alright apparently). But we were having a catch up and it seemed if I didn't even ask if she'd decided against them it's a whole big chunk of info that I wouldn't have known!

She then asked me about my sitch and there you go - got all that stuff outta the way.

I recall being on a night out with people from the gym, some a lot younger than me and while waiting for taxis the convo got around to me being single at my age and one says 'yeah but you've got kids though' When I said I hadn't she literally looked horrified.

I KNOW that it is against the norm to not have children but it's a subject along with the singledom issue that seems to make the most considerate person in other situations become so condescending.

Lotus-eater

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

There is no NEED to ask, it's just conversation. You might feel it's nosey, I don't. I didn't care that for the last 5 years people have asked me "are you having a 2nd child?", or when we weren't married "are you getting married?". Some people might take mortal offence at the questions, so be it.

The amount of things people are getting upset about on here at the moment it doesn't surprise me that someone'll be offended somewhere!

I must offend people every day! :rotfl:

I think you're right, stick to the weather and nothing else, it's safer..... Never ask anything about the home life, or [STRIKE]partner husban boyfrien OH children/children that may or may not be, family[/STRIKE] errr friend?

Then be accused of being boring.

Lotus-eater

mudgekin wrote: »

The amount of things people are getting upset about on here at the moment it doesn't surprise me that someone'll be offended somewhere!

That rates as one of the most insensitive remarks made here

Dunno, seems about the most realistic thing I've seen posted on here for a while.