How to handle the "why are you still single?" question.

miss_independent

londonsurrey wrote: »

I wish it worked for me! Since being widowed, I simply answer "He died".

... the number of busybody morons who, quick as a flash, say, "Oohhh, how did he die?" AAAAARGH.

At first, I obediently answered. It was painful. They would look shocked, then mutter nothings.

Then I tried "It's very painful, I would rather not talk about it."
Do you think at that point that the Morons (they are a very populous race and get around a lot) would not back off, but then say "Oh", *slight pause* "So, was it a heart attack then?"

I'VE JUST ****ING SAID I WOULD RATHER NOT TALK ABOUT IT.
These people don't care, they will literally carry on with their mission of Must Satisfy Idle Curiosity even when specifically told that it's hurting the person they're questioning.

How disgusting and ignorant! I truly struggle to understand people like this, it's shocking. I'm so sorry for your loss and for you having to go through situations like the one mentioned above - my scenario pales in comparison.

miss_independent

LandyAndy wrote: »

I haven't read all the thread but I think my response would be a direct 'It's none of your business'.

That has the merit of

a. being true.
b. letting them know you don't like being asked.
c. lets them make up their own lurid reason which, let's face it, they were going to anyway.

Do you know, I think to a certain extent my problem is that I am too attached to what they must think of me and what reason they may make up for the fact I am single, ( a little voice in my head goes "Oh God, they must think I'm a) frigid b) a lesbian c) stuck up d) mentally unstable d) can't keep a man e) generally weird f) a combination of the above.) and at the end of the day maybe I should just not care. It really is none of my business what other people think of me.

londonsurrey

miss_independent wrote: »

How disgusting and ignorant! I truly struggle to understand people like this, it's shocking. I'm so sorry for your loss and for you having to go through situations like the one mentioned above - my scenario pales in comparison.

Awww, thank you for your empathy. Although it is painful, I don't want to say that my scenario is worse than yours. I think the problem is that these people carry on regardless, whether questioning you or me.

The "good" thing about my scenario is that it is quite an extreme one, so I hope you can use it for yourself, to see that it's basically the same mindset these people have, and maybe knowing that they ARE that insensitive and WILL carry it to that extreme, will enable you to give yourself the permission to stop questioning yourself ("Is it me? *slight depression and self doubt*)
and allow yourself to think "You know, you're simply being an insensitive nosey moron, who hasn't taken a moment to think before opening your mouth, and even with all the help in the world from me, will refuse to take any hints or at any point contemplate using your brain for just a tiny moment".

miss_independent

Have just remembered one time when I was asked the "Do you have a boyfriend." question repeatedly by an 11 year old boy that I used to work with in his class, it was getting embarrassing and I kept saying, "That has nothing to do with learning. Get on with your work.", he was so persistent I eventually turned around and said, jokingly, "why on earth would you need to to know whether I have a boyfriend or not. What possible reason could you have at 11 years old?" and he said,

"Because, Miss, if you don't have a boyfriend, then I think you should know that you deserve one and if you do have a boyfriend, I want to meet him and talk to him to let him know I keeping an eye on him to make sure he his treating you well."

My heart nearly burst with how sweet this was.

Oh, if only they could stay that sweet and good hearted!

starnight_2

Depending on what mood I'm in depends on the answer. But normally it's along the lines of 'I don't need someone else to look after'. Or, 'I can't be bothered', which is normally the truth.

Not that I'm against finding someone nice, I just have a lot of other things going on at the minute that finding someone isn't a priority. I've always been of the belief that if it's meant to be it won't pass me by.

NAR

"Because my daddy told me I wasn't to get married until I was 30!"

"I haven't found anybody to match Rampant Rabbit yet!"

"I'm waiting for NAR to become single again!" :smileyhea:iloveyou:

MarilynMonroe_2

Just say you dont need one... you've got loads of !!!!!! !

Peater

Certainly, !!!!!! doesn't need a hug afterwards.....

Plans_all_plans

Person_one wrote: »

I've noticed it in the media, whenever a child free woman is interviewed or discussed she will inevitably be asked about children, the focus of the question will vary on her proximity to the menopause.

Most recent example I can think of was Eve Pollard on Desert Island Discs last week.

I could have sworn Eve Pollard has 2 children, one of whom I thought was Claudia Winkleman.

BlondeHeadOn

One reply to the "Have you got a boyfriend" question that I've used successfully in the past is:

"No, because nothing is better than anything."

By the time they've figured it out, you've had time to walk away or change the subject completely!

I used to use this phrase all the time though, when I was single and in my thirties - believe me, if you think the questions are bad in your twenties, they go into overdrive if you are still single in your thirties....

:cool: