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How to handle the "why are you still single?" question.

miss_independent
Posts: 1,191 Forumite
Apologies if this seems daft but at this time of year I seem to bump into a lot of people I haven't sen for years and one question keeps cropping up and always leaves me flustered. I was hoping some of you wise MSEers would have some advice. The scenario is as follows, I bump into an old schoolfriend's mother or an ex work colleague or a distant relation and, genuinely, the conversation seems to go;
"Hello there, I haven't seen you for ages. How are you doing?"
Me: "Very well, thank you. And you?"
"Fine, fine. So, do you have a boyfriend?"
Me: " No actually, I'm single at the moment."
"ARE YOU? Why?"
Cue embarrassment.
It is literally that early in a conversation and it really puts me on the spot and I don't know what to say. It is happening more and more, particularly from people who hardly know me or at any rate haven't seen me for years. I am in my twenties and, whilst I would love to be in a relationship with a lovely man, I don't see why I should need to explain why I'm not. Perhaps I am overreacting and being silly but I do hate it when I am asked that "Why are you still single question?". It makes me feel like there is something abnormal about me and if I am honest with myself, I don't really know the answer to the question. I tend to mutter something about being very busy lately or half heartedly joke that no one wants me but this sometimes leads to other questions that I am uncomfortable answering, (like the time I was asked, age 23, in front of my entire family when exactly I intended on having children, didn't I feel I should get a move on and when was the last time I had a relationship serious enough to perhaps lead to marriage and children.) It is even worse when these questions are asked in front of other people (like my childhood crush whose mother decided to give me a grilling in front of him recently). I feel like I'm under a microscope. I would never dream of being so personal and I do see it as rude but something that is happening more and more regularly. I don't see myself what is so intriguing about someone's marital status. This is the second weekend in a row I have had near strangers prying into my love life and I'm sick of it.
Any advice for how to answer this question?
"Hello there, I haven't seen you for ages. How are you doing?"
Me: "Very well, thank you. And you?"
"Fine, fine. So, do you have a boyfriend?"
Me: " No actually, I'm single at the moment."
"ARE YOU? Why?"
Cue embarrassment.
It is literally that early in a conversation and it really puts me on the spot and I don't know what to say. It is happening more and more, particularly from people who hardly know me or at any rate haven't seen me for years. I am in my twenties and, whilst I would love to be in a relationship with a lovely man, I don't see why I should need to explain why I'm not. Perhaps I am overreacting and being silly but I do hate it when I am asked that "Why are you still single question?". It makes me feel like there is something abnormal about me and if I am honest with myself, I don't really know the answer to the question. I tend to mutter something about being very busy lately or half heartedly joke that no one wants me but this sometimes leads to other questions that I am uncomfortable answering, (like the time I was asked, age 23, in front of my entire family when exactly I intended on having children, didn't I feel I should get a move on and when was the last time I had a relationship serious enough to perhaps lead to marriage and children.) It is even worse when these questions are asked in front of other people (like my childhood crush whose mother decided to give me a grilling in front of him recently). I feel like I'm under a microscope. I would never dream of being so personal and I do see it as rude but something that is happening more and more regularly. I don't see myself what is so intriguing about someone's marital status. This is the second weekend in a row I have had near strangers prying into my love life and I'm sick of it.
Any advice for how to answer this question?
0
Comments
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You could simply plump for the cliched responses such as "Haven't found the right man yet", "Been too busy/focused on career" or "I prefer casual sex"
Or you could just tell a fib and say "No, not anymore. Ended a few months ago... don't want to talk about it."0 -
as i'm very very fussy.
Its supposed to be a compliment so just brush it off casually0 -
Look them in the eye, grasp their hand, and tell them you're a lesbian.0
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QUITE FRANKLY IF I HAD TO SHARE A BED WITH THE KIND OF MUNTER YOU'RE MARRIED TO I'D THROW MYSELF OFF THE NEAREST BRIDGE!!!!
Works every time.0 -
Them; "Do you have a boyfriend?"
You: "No - do you?" Regardless of age/gender/status....:cool:[0 -
Just say "not at the moment, not looking for anything just now"
im married but my friends tell me all bout when they get that question..why is that the first or one of the first Questions people ask!! ..none of their business really!5lb a Month Challenge 2012:j
Be happy! Beauty is both inside & Out!0 -
runningwoman wrote: »QUITE FRANKLY IF I HAD TO SHARE A BED WITH THE KIND OF MUNTER YOU'RE MARRIED TO I'D THROW MYSELF OFF THE NEAREST BRIDGE!!!!
You would yell it?:p0 -
You could simply plump for the cliched responses such as "Haven't found the right man yet", "Been too busy/focused on career" or "I prefer casual sex"
Or you could just tell a fib and say "No, not anymore. Ended a few months ago... don't want to talk about it."
I tend to go with the first two, but some middle aged ladies have been very persistent with me and kept asking more and more questions lol. I hate lying, but have to admit I think your last comment is a good idea.burnoutbabe wrote: »as i'm very very fussy.
Its supposed to be a compliment so just brush it off casually
I'd like to say something witty, so I could say that in a very dry way and I suppose it could be funny!Look them in the eye, grasp their hand, and tell them you're a lesbian.
They would still want to know why I was single though! Pmsl!0 -
This one is easy, simply say "I prefer shagging around"
Seriously? In your 20s it's not a big deal. Try being a single woman with no children at 42 and then you don't just get questions....you get looks of vague unease ("Is she a lesbian?", "Is she a child-hating harpie?") or looks of complete pity.“Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think.”
― Dylan Moran0
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