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How to handle the "why are you still single?" question.

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  • jenhug wrote: »
    You could always say "Well, it's frowned upon in the convent, did you not know that?"
    or "Well there was Arthur (or another elderly gents name), but since he passed on I have been too busy fighting his children for his estate I haven't had time for anything too serious, you know how it is"



    Oh SO funny! I love the Arthur one. I have tried saying I was considering becoming a nun but they actually took me seriously, which is hilarious given the fact that I was dressed like every other 20 something Cheryl Cole wannabe at the time.
    KxMx wrote: »
    Surprisingly more and more of society expects a young woman in her 20's to settle down and have kids. There is a
    backlash going on against "geriatric mothers" and as such us women in our 20's are the current targets to pop out the babies.

    I see article after article in the media stating all the risks of having a kid at 30/35, the obvious message being, have them younger! I wonder if society is regressing honestly sometimes.

    I've found that as soon as one or two school friends had kids, everyone expected me to as well! Even my Nana started dropping hints to me, yet at 24 I am the youngest of the 4 grandchildren, single, and two of the
    others have long term partners. I am also still living at home due to long term, severe illness. But apparently I am the best candidate to provide her with a great grandchild!


    I get the same pressures from my family, particularly my mother and when I'm out for the day with her and I bump into a smug married it does nothing but validate the fact that she thinks she has every right to make me feel their is something wrong with me because I'm not married yet.

    And the media scaremongering does actually terrify and annoy me. I do want children with the right man, but I can't magic the perfect husband and father out of thin air, I am not able to get on the property ladder yet and I don't want to raise my children under the same roof as my parents or in rented accommodation that you can be forced to leave at short notice. I wish people and the media would realise times have changed. It was so much easier for my parents to settle down and most of their generation ended up divorced.
    I am firmly convinced that miss_independent is my niece Elisabeth. She's too busy getting on with her life to ponder the lack of a serious bloke either. Good on her: she's
    too good and much too clever for most of the idiots in any case.

    I like the "same old, same old" retort. I think I might stash that one away for another time

    Ha, I'm not your niece but my mum's favourite baby name when she was pregnant with me was Elizabeth so I was very nearly called that.
  • January20
    January20 Posts: 3,769 Forumite
    Debt-free and Proud!
    OP, I think you are 2 things: too polite and too sensitive! sort these two out and you will be fine.
    LBM: August 2006 £12,568.49 - DFD 22nd March 2012
    "The road to DF is long and bumpy" GreenSaints
  • Kirri
    Kirri Posts: 6,184 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    You - any or all of the following:
    Oh rats, I knew there was something I forgot to do this year
    I wasn't aware I needed one
    What on earth would I want one of them for?
    No, why have you got one you don't want?
    No, have you had a facelift?
    Maybe, maybe not - why do you want to know?
    Yes, I have but he's currently under the patio
    WAAAAA - NO I'm SO Sad and Single *rolleyes

    Don't ever say 'No, Actually I'm single at the moment' - it just lends itself to the 'why not' question.

    I love the 'I wasn't aware I needed one'!!!
  • Funnily enough, this does have something in common with the "Advice on Rejecting Men" thread.
    They both involve people assuming that they have a right to intrude into your hitherto happy existence, where you blissfully unaware of them and their demands. And the woman being questioned is well advised to understand that she has the right to stand firm and not answer the question.
  • Lovelyjoolz
    Lovelyjoolz Posts: 1,070 Forumite
    edited 20 December 2011 at 1:03PM
    I must confess that I got so sick of this sort of thing in my twenties that I sometimes resorted to answering that question with "he died". Terrible, I know, but it shuts them up PDQ!! :rotfl:

    I really think that these people just can't do small-talk but feel the need to talk about something and so choose to nosey about in our love lives.

    Unfortunately, it never stops. At 38 I keep getting asked when I'll marry my current OH, even though I went through a short, nasty marriage and a messy divorce 9 years ago. "Never" puts a quick end to that conversation.

    And now, as Welshwoofs said, I'm now at the age where I'm getting looks of pity because I'm "child-less". People seriously seem to think I'm weird because I don't want to reproduce. I'm not childLESS, I'm childFREE and perfectly thrilled about that, thank you very much.
    You had me at your proper use of "you're".
  • I wish it worked for me! Since being widowed, I simply answer "He died".

    ... the number of busybody morons who, quick as a flash, say, "Oohhh, how did he die?" AAAAARGH.

    At first, I obediently answered. It was painful. They would look shocked, then mutter nothings.

    Then I tried "It's very painful, I would rather not talk about it."
    Do you think at that point that the Morons (they are a very populous race and get around a lot) would not back off, but then say "Oh", *slight pause* "So, was it a heart attack then?"

    I'VE JUST ****ING SAID I WOULD RATHER NOT TALK ABOUT IT.
    These people don't care, they will literally carry on with their mission of Must Satisfy Idle Curiosity even when specifically told that it's hurting the person they're questioning.
  • LandyAndy
    LandyAndy Posts: 26,377 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts
    I haven't read all the thread but I think my response would be a direct 'It's none of your business'.

    That has the merit of

    a. being true.
    b. letting them know you don't like being asked.
    c. lets them make up their own lurid reason which, let's face it, they were going to anyway.

    :)
  • balletshoes
    balletshoes Posts: 16,610 Forumite
    Person_one wrote: »
    This never stops I don't think. If you ever get a boyfriend they start asking when you're getting married, if you get married they start going on about making babies, after your first child they'll bug you to have another.

    .

    very true - the kind of people who ask those questions will never stop asking them, and will never think there's anything rude about asking (I'm talking about you Auntie of balletshoes :rotfl::rotfl:)
  • "Men are so expensive to feed and almost impossible to train".
    :rotfl: I love this one!
    :j Married my lovely man on 29th June 2013 :j
  • Maybe your friend just thought you were too gorgeous to be single ;) But I would have looked really shocked and made them embarrassed for asking such a personal and nosy question and then go 'what do you mean WHY?' It's basically none of their business. I would be astounded if someone asked me that.
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