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How to handle the "why are you still single?" question.

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  • SandC
    SandC Posts: 3,929 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts
    I'm with Caroline - it's such a rude thing to say that I don't think I should have to think up a suitable response! If anyone does ever ask the 'are you single?' question and then follows it with 'why?' when I say yes I will just give them 'the look' or shrug and change the subject. It's not an issue for me, I fail to understand why it's an issue for anyone else.

    I'm 41 now and people have, at least, stopped mentioning the having children thing. Although a good friend did ask me the most ridiculous thing the other week - I was saying how festive I felt and how I was looking forward to Christmas and she said 'what, when you haven't even got children?' I was like 'er, yeah'.
  • euronorris
    euronorris Posts: 12,247 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper PPI Party Pooper
    "Men are so expensive to feed and almost impossible to train".

    Best response I think! :rotfl:

    My Grandma was the one always asking me when I was going to settle down, and I would always reply in an exasperated voice 'As soon as I earn enough money to pay someone else to cook for, and clean up after any man I date!'.

    The of course, whenever I was dating someone, she'd ask 'Why are settling down so young? You still have your whole life ahead of you, you should be free and single to enjoy it.'. Can't win with some people.

    PS. Warning - Responding with 'Yes I know, but he's just so good in bed!' to the above, is apparantly not as funny to some people as it was to me!
    February wins: Theatre tickets
  • euronorris wrote: »
    PS. Warning - Responding with 'Yes I know, but he's just so good in bed!' to the above, is apparantly not as funny to some people as it was to me!

    There are people who miss out on a lot in life, aren't there? :rotfl:
  • Urghh you can bet your bottom dollar that a man your age would be asked "How's work" or something of that ilk at the same point in the conversation.

    I can vouch for when you are in a relationship it only changes to "when are you getting married?"...usually when your partner is next to you...cue awkward shuffling.
  • euronorris
    euronorris Posts: 12,247 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper PPI Party Pooper
    There are people who miss out on a lot in life, aren't there? :rotfl:

    Yeah, but I should've known. Different generations, so different attitudes towards things.

    Thankfully, my Mum found it funny, but Grandma didn't! :rotfl:
    February wins: Theatre tickets
  • MrsAtobe
    MrsAtobe Posts: 1,404 Forumite
    My standard response used to be 'I haven't found one stupid enough'. :D

    I'm now having to suffer the 'Set a date for the wedding yet?' questions, so if anyone has a responses for that, I'd be grateful!
    Good enough is good enough, and I am more than good enough!:j

    If all else fails, remember, keep calm and hug a spaniel!
  • MrsAtobe wrote: »
    I'm now having to suffer the 'Set a date for the wedding yet?' questions, so if anyone has a responses for that, I'd be grateful!

    "We're eloping!" And beam happily.
  • Peater
    Peater Posts: 521 Forumite
    MrsAtobe wrote: »
    I'm now having to suffer the 'Set a date for the wedding yet?' questions, so if anyone has a responses for that, I'd be grateful!

    how about 'I don't think his wife would be too keen.' ?

    EDIT: Oh, and i like your sig. I went to the Watkins lecture at the NEC a couple of years ago. The last one that he was well enough to host. Legend.
  • Peater wrote: »
    Popular classics of mine:
    'I'm not terrified of my own company and as such haven't desperatley clung onto the first person who showed me an ounce of affection. So, how's the marriage?'

    This response is actually making me want to bump into a nosey so and so just so I can use it!
    BugglyB wrote: »
    Oh please hon whatever you do don't allow it to upset you.

    Just remember to yourself its not about you its about them. Their insecurities or rudeness or self doubt. Like another poster said, if you were in a relationship, they wouldn't leave you alone, it'd be 'when are you getting married' 'still in the same job?' 'not pregnant yet?' then later in life 'no grandchildren then?' it never ends with these people.

    I'm going to disagree with the others who say to say something clever - although they are funny! - chances are those people will go round to others saying 'thinks shes too good for a boyfriend' or whatever else they can infer or twist your words to mean. Plus, it doesn't sound like you're that kind of person anyway. I'd go with the above - 'thats very personal isn't it?' or simply 'I'm afraid my love life just isn't that interesting'.

    Just seen the bit about your ex's mother 'grilling you', seriously, if you feel its gone past polite interest, draw yourself up to full height, take a deep breath and say 'thats a bit rude isnt it? I'd never ask you something so personal about your life.'

    Thanks for your lovely post. The bit I've put in bold is something that concerns me too, sometimes when I reply that no, I don't have a boyfriend at the moment, the person automatically jumps to a response such as, " well it's best not to be too fussy, you don't want to end up alone." or "you know it's not all about looks/money etc, don't have too high standards" or "oh, career woman are we?". I don't necessarily want to throw out the vibe that I think I'm too good for anyone or won't give a decent man a chance because it's not true and I don't want to be seen as stuck up. The truth is from a young age I have been all too happy to settle down, I do believe in marriage and I do want children but I have not yet met the right man. Along the way I've had my heart broken and whilst most of the time I am fine in my own company, and value it, there are days when, quite naturally, I do get down and wonder if it will ever happen for me and when one of these nosey old biddies bumps into me on one of those days and gives me the impression that it's all my fault, it does get to me and on a couple of occasions it has hurt somewhat and I've gone home thinking, "what is so wrong with me?". I have trouble being thick-skinned all the time! I suppose I will have to work on that.
    fixx wrote: »
    Some fantastic responses on here, so many I'm going to steal for future reference
    My usual (and completely honest!) response:
    "I haven't yet found one man worth giving up the rest of them for :)"

    And if they seem concerned, I'm quite happy to share the reasons why I'm very happy with my life as it curently is - as a lot of people seem to think I must be miserable if I'm single... not a chance!

    If people think the only way to be happy is to be in a relationship (some people do seem to think *any* relationship is better than none) then that's their problem, not mine. I've got my own life to enjoy, I can't be bothered spending it worrying about their folly :D

    And I'll only ever accept a man who can enhance my life, not just because someone thinks it's a "non-optional social convention" ;)


    You make some excellent points which I agree with and I love your response!
  • euronorris
    euronorris Posts: 12,247 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper PPI Party Pooper
    BugglyB wrote: »
    I'm going to disagree with the others who say to say something clever - although they are funny! - chances are those people will go round to others saying 'thinks shes too good for a boyfriend' or whatever else they can infer or twist your words to mean. Plus, it doesn't sound like you're that kind of person anyway. I'd go with the above - 'thats very personal isn't it?' or simply 'I'm afraid my love life just isn't that interesting'.

    See, I'm of the school of thought that says 'They've already made up their mind about why I'm single, this question is just a formality.'. So, I always went for a witty response, as I figure they're gonna talk about me behind my back anyway, I may as well have my fun with them before they do. And anyone who is worth having as a friend, wouldn't pay attention to gossip, or would probably know that it was just my sense of humour and hopefully smile.
    February wins: Theatre tickets
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