Advice on rejecting men....

Welshwoofs

My tactic (I wasn't a 'magnet', but I did get a fair number of tube/bus try-ons over the years as most women do) was to always have my head buried in a book. If you're buried in a book then a) it signifies you as bookish and that's usually seen as the opposite of 'fun, good-time, party girl' and b) it makes it harder for someone to engage you in conversation because you're actually doing something. If they do try to engage you in conversation you can just smile politely and turn back to the book.

One thing to bear in mind on this one; it needs to be a fairly intimidating book - no 'chick lit' or bodice rippers. If you go for fiction make it something like Gabriel Garcia Marquez but even better is non-fiction; philosophy, politics, feminist writing are all good off-putting ones.

Gillyx

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Has she got a strong Scottish accent?

A very loud 'take your hands off me pal, or you may not live to see tomorrow' might be in order.

But I agree, avoid the situation in the first place. Sit on the outside and if someone mangy looking tries to get past to sit next to her, stand up to let them across, and then move to another seat. Or stand. Or get off and get on a different bus/train carriage. Read the signs and act before they do.

:rotfl: Love this. Sounds like something my Dad would advise me to do.

Peater

Don't do anything too drastic until you know there is stop approaching so you can at least escape after you've knee'ed the guy in the nutties.

heretolearn_2

Good advice for her here - just remind her to keep it in perspective and that young men have been chatting up young women forever and will continue to do so, it isn't necessarily harassment or dangerous. Most will give up fairly quickly.

On the clothing - the one thing I will talk about is shoes. If she is getting off the bus somewhere dark/remote/late at night, for goodness sake wear trainers or something, even if it means carrying her other shoes with her and changing them. Always wear shoes you could run in, in these environments. That's my one personal little safety thing I do without fail as it's so simple but could save you one day. I hate seeing girls tottering about late at night on high heels on their way home...

heretolearn_2

Also, sadly, I think we've all been there and especially when we were young as we simply didn't know how to stop the situation. It's something you learn with experience, and I hope all the advice here will help her fast-track to being able to deal with it with more confidence. Anyway, the point is, she shouldn't start feeling it's anything to do with her, or her fault in some way, honestly we've all had it. I've been followed, groped, and bugged - and I can remember every incident and I just wish I could go back in time and deal with those !!!!!!s as I am now, instead of the 'nice, polite' little lass I was.

lostinrates

I don't think lots of the options given are universally helpful, sadly. People who overstep boundaries on public transport have different tastes....some like to bring women down a peg or two....so being forthright and reading feminist literature will be their ''thing''. others like to defile the innocent or make women uncomfortable, so demure is alluring to them. Gabriel Garcia Marquez never helped me, and 100 years of solitude is one of my favourite books!
I personally feel it is a good idea to dress sensibly...not because men can't control them selves, but because sensible shoes and clothes, as opposed to tight trousers/mini straights with no stretch or give and clothes in which you feel contained and sensible shoes are easier to run in, and running is often the best defence when needed. Likewise having a stout back whose strap/handle you can rely on and keep your hands free. I tie my scarfs in front and inside my coat. don't weigh oneself down with extra stuff when travelling at unsocial hours....although it might seem there will be more room, there is also more stuff to worry abut and hold if you feel vulnerable an like you want to slip away.


Your daughter needs to trust her instincts. don't walk around in a daze, be alert...but its ok to LOOK in a daze. late night or early morning when travelling alone when their are few other people about travelling with friends is a good idea, an buddying up with girlfriends to text when safe at home not a bad idea either. notifying a driver is a good idea, but sometimes to intimidating. 'leave me a lone or f off'' can sound like a lover's tiff. I'd say LOUDLY ''I don't know you, leave me alone''. that tells other passengers/driver/conductor the situation.

I've sometimes hopped off last minute at a stop/station, not leaving time for the person to follow.

the good news is most of the mouths and even wners of wandering hands on PT are just that...mouths and hands....nothing goes further than a feel or a bit of talk. still not nice, but it won't kill anybody.


for all the cctv, its not always that effective. Afer a fairly vile incident dh and I both gave statements to british transport police we should have passed no fewer than six cameras over the places we mentioned, and we were caught on sme of them but the attacker according to our description was not: we were not allowed to point him out on a screen because of data protection or something...so we couldn't say...''thats him'' to a picture

Mojisola

AdmiralX wrote: »

Sexual offences remain rare according to TfL.

I think that's because they don't get reported, not that they don't happen!

I don't know of anyone who has been groped or pestered who has reported it. Only much more serious incidents get reported.

Memory_Girl

Errata wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Clearly a stiffy rammed into your backside when you're jammed amongst all the straphangers doesn't count.

This made me spray my tea - only because it reminded me of travelling on the Central Line through Bank one morning.

Like sardines as usual - when I felt someone's "unwelcome attention". During a lull in the noise level I grabbed his hand and stuck it in the air and in my best Scots skirl announced to the car

" has anyone lost a hand - I seem to have found this one on my A**e!!"

Was a Stage Manager in the West End at the time - so you can be darn sure that my voice carried.:D

The "gentleman" got off at Bank, where an off-duty policeman tapped him on the shoulder and walked him off (was obvious is was him as he was bright red). The carriage erupted into cheers.

Mind you I am not sure I would ever use that tactic on the night bus

MG

Errata

MG that made me laugh out loud. The whole point about the perverts on the tube is that they pick on one particular woman as a victim. Victimise 'em back !

duchy

I agree with londonsurrey. It's all to do with body language. You can pick out the not so confident-new to the big city people by how they carry themselves.
I've lived in and around London all my life and learned early on that the way you stand/carry yourself is what attracts/deters these losers.
Your daughter will very quickly pick up how to do this just by living in London -you kind of breathe it in along with the polution .