Advice on rejecting men....

Jinx

Pimento - I digress on my own thread - is that your cat in your pic? Its absolutely gorgeous

miss_independent

Jinx wrote: »

I think I will order that for her, thanks You have actually hit the nail on the head, she is a 'nice' girl. I have told her she does not have to be polite or nice to anyone who is making her uncomfortable etc.... You think you bring them up well...........sigh....

Re dressing how you like she tends to be dressed in work uniform, ie black shirt & trousers, coat etc.

I was very well brought up too by a lovely Scottish mum who still assists in aiding potential stalkers in gaining information because she is too polite to turn around and say, "where my daughter lives is none of your business, pal!". Don't blame yourself, you have no doubt raised a lovely girl.

With what people are saying regards dressing a certain way, I can honestly say I have been targeted more when I was looking/dressed more "virginal" if that makes any sense. You don't need to be dressed like a hooker to be targeted. I hate that "she was wearing a mini skirt and lipstick - what did she expect?" attitude.

pimento

Jinx wrote: »

Pimento - I digress on my own thread - is that your cat in your pic? Its absolutely gorgeous

Alas not. My three are not as photogenic.

VfM4meplse

RedBern wrote: »

Get her to wear a wedding ring?

Jinx wrote: »

I thought about this today! However if having a bf doesnt discourage, would a ring?

Yes, definitely! I wore a ring from the age of 16-27 (including the 18-20 period through university) and let me tell you that was the driest patch I've had in my life. Everyone assumed I was wed - including my lecturers - and it put paid to any harrassment.

Heretolearn has given some excellent advice.

pimento wrote: »

you have to develop a hairy eyeball. That's a "don't you dare" look.

These days the death stare works a treat. I think your DD may have reached the stage she is anticipating being hassled and may be unwittingly emitting a vulnerable vibe.

I happened to be on a bus yesterday (although I live in London, I use them rarely these days) and was fascinated by the CCTV images that were broadcast in the middle of the bus, covering every conceivable angle. I would be reassured that if there was trouble, someone would be able to help. A good kick in the b*llocks works a treat too....

Errata

I travelled on London buses and tube for years and found the most effective ploy was a quiet "f*ck off" repeating as necessary with a significant increase in volume for each repeat. A simple phrase, understood by men of any nationality and language ability and it lets the other passengers know what's going on. So they can have a good smirk.

AdmiralX

pimento wrote: »

AdmiralX You're the first Londoner I have ever heard who calls the underground "the metro" and not "the tube".

Interesting comment. A few people though today started using "metro" alternatively to tube or underground. Although originally described the Parian lines, the nomenclature was adopted internationally.

The earlier trucks were all of 'em deep down: subterranean. So we had only "tube" and "underground" then; but the lines extended on the surface and overground.

AdmiralX

Errata wrote: »

I travelled on London buses and tube for years and found the most effective ploy was a quiet "f*ck off" repeating as necessary with a significant increase in volume for each repeat. A simple phrase, understood by men of any nationality and language ability and it lets the other passengers know what's going on. So they can have a good smirk.

Certainly it can be tried and can be an effective method. But it is now said so frequent in a train and some say this aloud during a conversation on their mobile. So, nobody is sure how and to whom this is addressed and why.

But it may not be sufficient for survival when there are some totally unreformed hardliners users of public transport.

kjmtidea

I just stick my earphones in, even if i'm not actually listening to any music - they don't know that! It means I can ignore people without offending anyone lol.

Jinx

So to summarise

*sit on an outside seat and near the driver/ in view CCTV
*respond when first spoken to so there is a clear not interested vibe (wording to suit)
*move if line above ignored and ask others/driver for help
*think about wearing a wedding ring and taking a self defence class for confidence

*And lastly but not least, develop a 'hairy eye'..... think that one might require some practise!!! lol

Thanks ladies, I appreciate your input and will bookmark this so I can show her.

FatVonD

I've not been harassed on the train for years but coming back from the office party last week I had somebody sit next to me when it wouldn't have been the obvious first choice of seat (lots of other empty double seats that train etiquette would have dictated be taken first!) who then sat with his hand touching my leg but not so much so that I could be 100% sure that was what he was doing and poke him with my biro! I settled for fidgeting, ramming my coat (which was on my lap) between my leg and his hand whilst coughing in his face a la the travel agent character in Little Britain as I did it. No further problems