Advice on rejecting men....

Person_one

heretolearn wrote: »

Harassers are rare.

:rotfl:

You're male aren't you?

ZARA

self defence classes

miss_independent

I'm sorry I don't really have any specific advice but I would like to recommend a book called "The Gift Of Fear" which was recommended to me when I seemed to be attracting unwanted male attention. It is quite scary in places but I am so glad I read it and would recommend it to any young woman even though it is unnerving in places, I do believe the information regards to advice about trusting your instincts and defending yourself could save a life. For what it's worth, I am actually reading this thread because, once again, I feel I am in a situation I did not ask or choose to be in with unwanted attention from a man 20 years older than me, thanks to the book I mentioned I am trusting my instincts and know that, sometimes men target vulnerable girls, "nice" girls who are polite, don't want to cause a fuss or be rude and sometimes you have to act against your nature to get rid of them.

miss_independent

I also second the idea of self defence classes, if just for more confidence than nothing else.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

skylight wrote: »

I know I may get slatted for this and I do believe in my right to wear what I like, but I also prefer to stay safe. Therefore what she wears and how she displays herself may attract unwanted attention. So a large coat that may not be pretty/fashionable but covers everything, hair tied back and lipstick wiped off etc.

Its not fool proof. But that coupled with sitting near the driver/CCTV cameras etc and sitting on the outside seat and not the window seat should help a lot.

Not true. The only thing that would stop that particular male from hitting on her would be the possession of a Y chromosome.


Otherwise, women in burkhas, the elderly, those without makeup and schoolgirls would all be safe and only prostitutes and scantily dressed girls wearing makeup (and thereby making herself available?) would be assaulted.

pimento

I've lived in London for all my 50 odd years and you have to develop a hairy eyeball. That's a "don't you dare" look. You have to be outright rude and firm if somone tries it on. Any kind of nice reply will make them think you could be persuaded.

Heretolearn is right, 99.9% of Londoners are very nice and would be happy to help someone who needed it. She will have to ask though, most people won't get involved unless asked.

ska_lover

I would recommend trying not to make eye contact with potential harrasers, as it opens up the lines to communication. Be aware of your surroundings and who is around you, but don't make eye contact with them? Just an idea

Jinx

miss_independent wrote: »

I'm sorry I don't really have any specific advice but I would like to recommend a book called "The Gift Of Fear" which was recommended to me when I seemed to be attracting unwanted male attention. It is quite scary in places but I am so glad I read it and would recommend it to any young woman even though it is unnerving in places, I do believe the information regards to advice about trusting your instincts and defending yourself could save a life. For what it's worth, I am actually reading this thread because, once again, I feel I am in a situation I did not ask or choose to be in with unwanted attention from a man 20 years older than me, thanks to the book I mentioned I am trusting my instincts and know that, sometimes men target vulnerable girls, "nice" girls who are polite, don't want to cause a fuss or be rude and sometimes you have to act against your nature to get rid of them.

I think I will order that for her, thanks You have actually hit the nail on the head, she is a 'nice' girl. I have told her she does not have to be polite or nice to anyone who is making her uncomfortable etc.... You think you bring them up well...........sigh....

Re dressing how you like she tends to be dressed in work uniform, ie black shirt & trousers, coat etc.

AdmiralX

Jinx wrote: »

I need some advice to pass to my daughter ladies about rejecting men in the city....

Shes at Uni in London,

Advice please on best approach/ wording...?

I am awfully sorry about this isolated event of appalling standard of service of public transport in London which your daughter has suffered.:( It idoes not happen often.

Some routes and lines are worse than others, some are OK, not all metro lines are same. Depends on where they begin and end in the capital and which part they cross - all sorts of people get in.

Daughter must speak to her students counselor at uni about such harassment in public transport.

She must complain to Transport for London about this harassment.

I use public transport in London more than 30 years and have not seen men groping girls legs yet and neither the opposite; it is obsene and disgusting. There is however to a certain extent foul language and bad behaviour on certain routes and I avoid those in particular or I D tour some destinations. Often both men and women do stare (discretely) at each other (unless stone drunk), and is considered urban cool to chat.:cool:

London has a large population and daughter needs to know how to deal with the perils. If she feels risk in the metro, she needs to get up and stand on the aisle or by the door, or can get off, stay at the platform and get on the next train. If she is on a bus she can get up and move upstairs on top deck where there is no chance, and or she can tell the driver.

pimento

AdmiralX You're the first Londoner I have ever heard who calls the underground "the metro" and not "the tube".