Advice on rejecting men....

RedBern

I was just thinking a ring might deter them from starting a conversation. It is an awful situation, and theres some good advice, particularly about getting off and back on the bus if anyone follows her.

BitterAndTwisted

Jinx wrote: »

I do wonder if ignoring them when they first speak to her is wrong, as in it then encourages them to carry on so she WILL speak......... what do you think?

I think that ignoring them in the first instance could be ambiguous. She could be foreign and not understand what they are saying or they see a non-reaction as encouragement. I'd try looking them in the eye and saying "Not interested. Goodbye"

Person_one

RedBern wrote: »

I was just thinking a ring might deter them from starting a conversation. It is an awful situation, and theres some good advice, particularly about getting off and back on the bus if anyone follows her.

Most bus drivers are good about this sort of thing too. If its a relatively empty bus and she feels like her safety is at risk if she gets off she should tell the bus driver, sometimes they'll park up until the police arrive to throw the person off.

Jinx

Thank you for all your comments ladies. They reinforce what I was telling her; I was just worried that I was missing something - I've never lived in the city though have dealt with slimy men.

I dont think shes doing anything wrong at all, I just want to help my 'child'; its causing her anxiety which I wish I could fix....

I'm visiting for xmas so will have a proper chat then and show her this thread, so thanks again and if anyone has anything to add that would be lovely.

minerva_windsong

Is there anyone (preferably male) from her work/uni that she could travel with at least part of the way?

Otherwise I think it just has to be about drowning them out with books/headphones etc, and being very firm and loud if anything does happen. Sitting at the front of the bus to be close to the driver, or close to other passengers, is also a good idea - it can be tempting to want to sit by yourself but if there are other people nearby it might put these blokes off trying anything on and/or having other people as witnesses or to help out with getting them to leave her alone could also be useful.

heretolearn_2

Harassers are rare. A pretty girl might get quite a lot of attention and men trying to start up a conversation/make her laugh etc, and the vast majority are harmless. She needs to learn to just put those off in a nice way. There's no point anticipating trouble where there isn't any. Most cities are full of lads who think they have the gift of the gab.

But the ones who really won't take no for an answer and move into harrassment - and any type of touching is definitely in this - can be quite difficult to shift, and scary when it's you. Best thing is to avoid the issue in the first place. If the bus is nearly empty, sit near the driver. Sit next to a woman. sit on the aisle seat so no one can sit next to you (but then they might just sit behind and start poking you in the neck!). If someone who worries her sits near her, she can move seats. No need to say anything, just move.

If she really feels in trouble, she can speak to the driver. Or ask a woman for help. Or worst comes to it, just stand up and say 'this man is harrassing me. Can someone help me please?' and I'm sure she will get a few others intervening. The vast majority of people, even in London, are nice and decent and will help a young girl who is in trouble.

LisaB85

Was getting a bus the other week and there is a old man who although I'm sure is pretty harmless and if he wasn't wouldn't be hard to fight off. I have seen him in town a few times, he is always drunk.

He kept shuffling towards me at the bus stop, I looked out of the corner of my eye but didn't look at him.

Then I got chatting a girl my age and when the bus turned up, I sat near the window and put my bags next to me (wasn't a busy bus) he came to the back and gestured to sit next to me but I looked and made it clear he wasn't going to.

The other girl got on after her fag, he struggled upstairs to follow her at which point the bus driver exclaimed he was a pain in the !!!! so he is clearly known.

There were other people upstairs but a young lad ran downstairs away from the girl and man so people don't always help. Luckily some others went upstairs and she was ok.

It isn't just pretty girls who get it....as I did lol x

skylight

I know I may get slatted for this and I do believe in my right to wear what I like, but I also prefer to stay safe. Therefore what she wears and how she displays herself may attract unwanted attention. So a large coat that may not be pretty/fashionable but covers everything, hair tied back and lipstick wiped off etc.

Its not fool proof. But that coupled with sitting near the driver/CCTV cameras etc and sitting on the outside seat and not the window seat should help a lot.

Jinx

I have no idea how to multiquote - my bad......

Anyway to answer a couple of points - there isnt anyone she can travel with to and from work. Heading to Uni isnt too bad as its a busy route and she gets off with a multitude of others.

Re most people not being harassers - I agree with this. Where a one-liner or harsh looks stops them I think shes fine, its the ones that seem more persistent that push her anxiety levels up (understandably). It just seems to have happened a lot recently and shes feeling a bit harassed with it all.

Person_one

skylight wrote: »

I know I may get slatted for this and I do believe in my right to wear what I like, but I also prefer to stay safe. Therefore what she wears and how she displays herself may attract unwanted attention. So a large coat that may not be pretty/fashionable but covers everything, hair tied back and lipstick wiped off etc.

Its not fool proof. But that coupled with sitting near the driver/CCTV cameras etc and sitting on the outside seat and not the window seat should help a lot.

Makes no difference.