Advice on rejecting men....

Gavin83

I honestly don't see what difference an accent makes.

motherofstudents

A work colleague once told me that her husband was on his way home late one night and there was a lone female ahead of him. He said every time he walked a bit quicker so did she. My friend told him off and said he should have crossed the road but he really couldn't understand. He knew that he wasn't any danger to the girl but hadn't realised that she didn't know that.

DUTR

motherofstudents wrote: »

A work colleague once told me that her husband was on his way home late one night and there was a lone female ahead of him. He said every time he walked a bit quicker so did she. My friend told him off and said he should have crossed the road but he really couldn't understand. He knew that he wasn't any danger to the girl but hadn't realised that she didn't know that.

So she could have crossed the road instead, the husband is not a rapist/attacker etc so why should he be made to feel guilty over the situation?

lostinrates

January20 wrote: »

Isn't this the way most of the human population meet their mate? By being chatted up by people that they find attractive? I'm not sure what you guys are trying to achieve by starting this line of thinking? So Jade should dislike ANY man chatting her up? Are you trying to blame her? To darken her character?

FWIW, I live in a largish city in the north of England and I often go out with my 19 yo daughter and have seen how some men look at her. They don't even look, they just leer. The complete lack of respect in their eyes, like she is prey there, for their taking. It's so disgusting and so worrying for a mother.

I find it deeply offensive that some people still think it's the girl's fault, that she must be carrying herself in the wrong way, wearing the wrong clothes, showing too much flesh, etc. Have we not move out from the caves then? What about it's the men's fault for not having any boundaries? For not having any respect? For thinking they are such studs that any girl would go for them? For thinking that if she ignores them, it's ok to touch her up?

But it's always the same isn't it? regarding sexual matters: The women who get in trouble are slappers and they deserved it and the men who did it? well, they couldn't help themselves, could they? poor little loves!

It's not women's fault it happens, but it is our responsibility to keep our selves safe. It is us who live with consequences, often more than perpetrators, and while I wouldn't shut myself up in a tower to avoid it, minimising myself as a target seems wise to me.

Mojisola

lostinrates wrote: »

It's not women's fault it happens, but it is our responsibility to keep our selves safe. It is us who live with consequences, often more than perpetrators, and while I wouldn't shut myself up in a tower to avoid it, minimising myself as a target seems wise to me.

This is just practical, as apposed to how things should be in an ideal world.

I lock the car up before I leave it. If I didn't and it was stolen, I would be held partly to blame for leaving it unprotected.

It is even more important to keep myself safe which, as lostinrates says, doesn't mean locking yourself away or wearing a sack.

BugglyB

lostinrates wrote: »

It's not women's fault it happens, but it is our responsibility to keep our selves safe. It is us who live with consequences, often more than perpetrators, and while I wouldn't shut myself up in a tower to avoid it, minimising myself as a target seems wise to me.

Its a shame people think this way, I think it leads to skewed thinking which makes women less safe.

Statistically the OPs daughter is far more likely to be attacked accepting a lift home from a work colleague or friend of a friend ("just to be on the safe side!") than she is on the night bus.

lostinrates

BugglyB wrote: »

Its a shame people think this way, I think it leads to skewed thinking which makes women less safe.

Statistically the OPs daughter is far more likely to be attacked accepting a lift home from a work colleague or friend of a friend ("just to be on the safe side!") than she is on the night bus.

I don't disagree with the stats, I don't know them, but it sounds likely. But that's not what I said, necessarily...although there have been night uses I have felt unsafe on and got of, and one of our regular night bus routes Dh and I, not just me, decided was no longer reliably safe.....this was some years Ago now.

Whether on public transport or with people we meet in any other way I think the post of mine you quoted stands. We are always responsible for ourselves wherever we are and whoever we are with....in what way is that skewed thinking?

Mojisola

BugglyB wrote: »

Its a shame people think this way, I think it leads to skewed thinking which makes women less safe.

Statistically the OPs daughter is far more likely to be attacked accepting a lift home from a work colleague or friend of a friend ("just to be on the safe side!") than she is on the night bus.

In that case, the sensible thing to do would be to take the bus home.

Keeping yourself safe isn't just an issue for women. Young men are more likely to be attacked than any other group in the population. They need to take sensible precautions as well.

claire16c

I would tell them to F off in a very loud voice and move away. I used to work in London and never really had any problems with perves, there were always nutters on the buses but they werent bothered about who they annoyed, you could be wearing a bin bag for all they cared. I just kept out of their way if I saw them coming, or moved if I didnt, always sat on the outside seat on the bus etc.

reheat

To DD. You're a nice person who does not want to be rude to people - lovely to hear. But it may be causing you to also appear friendly in situations you don't quite mean to. Took me many years to understand why some attractive women just seemed a bit haughty/unfriendly ... I think it's just if they don't they end up with the aggro you are getting! I suspect there are simply times you really must totally blank a man. Not in the actively unfriendly 'who do think you are looking at me way', but in the neutral 'I don't know you are there' way. Just a thought.

(If you respond and I don't reply, it will simply be because I've very limited web access for the time being).