Advice on rejecting men....

ThinkingOfLinking

euronorris wrote: »

I pushed a guy's hand away from my *rse once, gave him the death stare, and told him to keep his hands to himself. He reacted by telling me he wasn't interested, and I was an ugly, stuck up !!!!!.

Me: Riiiight....that's why your hand was on my *rse then?

Him: *lots of shouting and swearing and moving closer towards me*

His friends, thankfully, pulled him away at this point and apologised for his behaviour. (think I had a lucky escape there)

Bl00dy scary how quickly a person can turn on you like that! And that was a fairly busy pub, so some of these people have no shame and don't give a monkeys about what anyone else thinks of the behaviour!

Had that too....been harrassed then called a "Minger" or a "stuck up b1tch" or told "You're no oil painting yourself" etc when politely declining them...:rotfl:

ThinkingOfLinking

Mojisola wrote: »

Attitudes have changed a lot since I was younger but there is still a way to go. There always will be some people - male and female - who think that any women wearing less than full-length skirts and long-sleeved tops is flaunting herself.

But, as some experiences mentioned on this thread show, sexual predators aren't always fussy about what a woman is wearing: some are looking for someone who looks a bit vulnerable, others don't care are long as the target is female.

You do read about women getting raped out walking their dog....I'd imagine these ladies are wearing sensible shoes and a mac...hardly provocative. Some men will target the first female who comes along.

reheat

The only time I ever encountered any such worries was as a young man in Saudi, when my hair was sun-dyed very blond and I was very sun-tanned. The local men seemed to find me an attractive proposition:eek:! I had a couple of close calls, and a mate of mine had an extemely close call - the threat was never from one man at a time, always several. (Was gutted the women never seemed to feel the same:rotfl: about me). So I can appreciate in a sort of way what it must feel like for a woman.

margaretclare

For example last night she was ignoring a guy who sat next to her in a near empty bus and because she wasnt responding, he decided to put his hand on her leg and was then offended when she loudly told him where to get off.

I wouldn't worry AT ALL about offending someone who put his hand on my leg uninvited and unencouraged. So he was offended - hard cheese. Having said that, it has taken me a good few years and a lot of experience of life not to be upset if someone gets offended by my saying 'go away'. We're all too polite, that's the trouble.

There is such a thing as 'personal space'. When I was at uni (not exactly yesterday!!) we did some experiments on this. It's an instinct, to preserve a space between yourself and a stranger. If you're in the library, for instance, and it's not crowded, most people will keep an empty chair on either side of them. If the bus your DD was on was not crowded then most people will sit on their own on a double seat. To sit beside someone uninvited on a half-empty bus means they want closer contact. If that's not what you welcome, you can always get up, say 'excuse me' politely, and move to the next vacant double seat. If they followed me there I would tend to get rude. You've done what you can - politely - and the other person obviously has the skin of a rhinoceros and won't/can't be offended. Putting a hand on someone's leg uninvited and unwelcomed is definitely NOT acceptable behaviour. At the very least, it's an invasion of personal space and most people would feel threatened. As my late first husband used to say 'This is not the action of a gentleman!'

spidersandsprinkles

This is something I struggle with also. I'm 23 and look young for my age and often get approached and told that I am 'cute' by odd men. I've never had any serious run ins but I am always aware of the situation. Some of the advice given here is very helpful.
The one thing that was mentioned that I do think is important is that if I know I'm going to be out on my own I always make sure I wear suitable footwear (A good idea for many reasons) and make sure I know the area. If I'm walking alone late down the street I make sure I check to see the nearest houses with lights on. I live in a student area so hope that if I banged on someones door somebody would be kind enough to let me in.

Former_MSE_Megan

This is such a great thread, it's lovely to see everyone being so supportive on this issue.

The thread has gone quite since 2012, but sadly it's still a really relevant issue. Has anyone looked at the Everyday Sexism website or Twitter account? They retweet a lot of women with similar stories. It can be really helpful to see how others are dealing with unwanted advances.

Primrose

Tell your daughter to buy one of these small personal attack screech alarms and carry it in her pocket whentravelling. She has only to press the button on it and I guarantee that any male trying to bother her will back off pretty quickly for fear of attracting massive attention to himself. If tiu Google personal attack alarms you can buy them online and they are not expensive. Every woman out alone at night should carry one.

VfM4meplse

MSE_Megan wrote: »

This is such a great thread, it's lovely to see everyone being so supportive on this issue.

The thread has gone quite since 2012, but sadly it's still a really relevant issue. Has anyone looked at the Everyday Sexism website or Twitter account? They retweet a lot of women with similar stories. It can be really helpful to see how others are dealing with unwanted advances.

In the same spirit, it's worth visiting the Hollaback! site.

j.e.j.

Women get this a lot on the underground in Japan. Gropers and perverts looking up their skirts. Unfortunately, here in the UK women can't carry spray or anything to defend themselves, should the attack get serious, like they can in other countries.

Mupette

j.e.j. wrote: »

Women get this a lot on the underground in Japan. Gropers and perverts looking up their skirts. Unfortunately, here in the UK women can't carry spray or anything to defend themselves, should the attack get serious, like they can in other countries.

Why can't they?

Quick spray of perfume in the face may deter, if questioned why victim sprayed perfume in face, "was just freshening up and he put his face right next to me"