Advice on rejecting men....

Jagraf

as a female, I have always been confident about what is acceptable and what is not. I make those rules myself. I don't feel harassed easily. When I was younger I wore what I wanted and if men took that the wrong way, that's their lookout. Most men however have a brain and are decent and those are the people who were my friends and with whom I spent time.

However, I never put myself in a vulnerable position, and I still don't. I find it strange that women walk or jog in the dark or meet men in environments that puts them at risk.

Why do women jog through parks after dark?

I also think defence classes should be compulsory in school, for boys and girls. My DD has learned some great trunks she practices on her dad. She's about 7st and he's a whopping 17st built like an ape and she still managed to injure him lol.

fierystormcloud

Jagraf wrote: »

as a female, I have always been confident about what is acceptable and what is not. I make those rules myself. I don't feel harassed easily. When I was younger I wore what I wanted and if men took that the wrong way, that's their lookout. Most men however have a brain and are decent and those are the people who were my friends and with whom I spent time.

However, I never put myself in a vulnerable position, and I still don't. I find it strange that women walk or jog in the dark or meet men in environments that puts them at risk.

Why do women jog through parks after dark?

I also think defence classes should be compulsory in school, for boys and girls. My DD has learned some great trunks she practices on her dad. She's about 7st and he's a whopping 17st built like an ape and she still managed to injure him lol.

I find this a bizarre remark.

Why do women jog through parks after dark?! Women who go jogging are often workers who don't have time in the day, so for half the year 'after dark,' is the only chance they get! It's not like they go out at 11pm: it's often six to half six in the evening.

And it's not good to jog on the paths because it's bad for your joints to do that. So this is why they 'jog around parks.'

Women should be quite entitled to jog where the hell they want, whenever the hell they want, without the fear of a man assaulting her. It's the attitude of some men that needs to change, not the behaviour or attitude of women.

And if you have always been so confident that you are perfectly capable of looking after yourself, and you don't feel harassed easily, then good for you: but not everyone is the same. Not everyone is you.

And doing self defence classes, is not always going to enable you to fight off a strong man who is determined to assault or rape you. In self defence classes, you are expecting the attack; when you are jogging in a park (probably with your ipod blaring in your ears!) you are not. An assailant will have you on your back, pinned down with your face in the mud, with a knife to your throat, before you can say 'Bruce Lee!'

bugslet

When I used to drive for a living, I'd often end up parked up in a lay-by or an Industrial estate for the night. Either never set foot out of the cab or go out in the dark - not a lot of choice, and after sitting down for a lot of the day, I used to welcome the chance to stretch my legs.

tea_lover

Jagraf wrote: »

as a female, I have always been confident about what is acceptable and what is not. I make those rules myself. I don't feel harassed easily. When I was younger I wore what I wanted and if men took that the wrong way, that's their lookout. Most men however have a brain and are decent and those are the people who were my friends and with whom I spent time.

However, I never put myself in a vulnerable position, and I still don't. I find it strange that women walk or jog in the dark or meet men in environments that puts them at risk.

Why do women jog through parks after dark?

I also think defence classes should be compulsory in school, for boys and girls. My DD has learned some great trunks she practices on her dad. She's about 7st and he's a whopping 17st built like an ape and she still managed to injure him lol.

Because staying in the house after 4pm throughout winter gets a bit boring.

Jagraf

fierystormcloud wrote: »

I find this a bizarre remark.

Why do women jog through parks after dark?! Women who go jogging are often workers who don't have time in the day, so for half the year 'after dark,' is the only chance they get! It's not like they go out at 11pm: it's often six to half six in the evening.

And it's not good to jog on the paths because it's bad for your joints to do that. So this is why they 'jog around parks.'

Women should be quite entitled to jog where the hell they want, whenever the hell they want, without the fear of a man assaulting her. It's the attitude of some men that needs to change, not the behaviour or attitude of women.

And if you have always been so confident that you are perfectly capable of looking after yourself, and you don't feel harassed easily, then good for you: but not everyone is the same. Not everyone is you.

And doing self defence classes, is not always going to enable you to fight off a strong man who is determined to assault or rape you. In self defence classes, you are expecting the attack; when you are jogging in a park (probably with your ipod blaring in your ears!) you are not. An assailant will have you on your back, pinned down with your face in the mud, with a knife to your throat, before you can say 'Bruce Lee!'

I don't disagree with you, honestly I don't. The problem is the threat is there, so what is the answer?

Do I let my teenage daughter jog in the park after dark because it is her right to do so, or do I not let her through fear of attack?

fierystormcloud

Jagraf wrote: »

I don't disagree with you. The problem is the threat is there, so what is the answer?

Do I let my teenage daughter jog in the park after dark because it is her right to do so, or do I not let her through fear of attack?

As I said, for men (some men, as they are not all they same,) to change their attitudes and their behaviour. THIS is the answer.

Women should not be afraid to run or walk in certain places, (and it's not always after dark when women get attacked by the way,) and they should be entitled to dress how they want, and wherever they want, without men attacking them, jeering, trying to belittle them, or claiming they're 'asking for it,' if they wear a short skirt.

MEN get to walk around after dark without worrying about being sexually assaulted or raped, MEN get to walk around in shorts (showing their legs,) without the fear of being hounded and called slutty, or being accused of 'asking for it,' , MEN get to travel on public transport and walk around the streets, without fear of being hounded and hit on every 5 minutes. Women should have the right to the same treatment, and the same respect.

Remember that film footage of the attractive brunette in New York (I think it was New York.) She was simply walking for around for about 8 hours, and she got hit on by dozens of men. She was dressed fairly normally, she was not making eye contact with anyone, and she was keeping herself to herself. Yet men kept hounding her, following her, demanding that she speaks to them, and generally acting like they thought it was their right to do this.

One man even said 'what's your problem, am I ugly? Am I not good enough for you?' And he kept walking alongside her, trying to intimidate her, and getting more aggressive by the second. He followed her for about 7 minutes, before storming off in a huff. I wonder how he would have behaved/reacted if it had been a lonely pathway or alley?

Some men do not like to be rejected and some men do not like it when a woman will not speak to him or even look at him, because they see it as a slur on their masculinity and their prowess. They think it's their 'right' to hit on women, and that the women should be grateful for the attention. Generally if women ARE hostile, it's because you are the 500th man to hit on her, and assume she is going to fancy you and want to date you.

So, I reiterate, it is the attitude of some MEN that needs to change.

And I know that not all men are like this, and that's why I say 'some.'

aaa13ljsldjfldskj

that sounds fair enough to me......!

Mojisola

fierystormcloud wrote: »

So, I reiterate, it is the attitude of some MEN that needs to change.

Of course that's the source of the problem but, in the meantime, take sensible steps to protect yourself.

I'd like to leave my house and car unlocked when I leave them and I should be able to but, until thieves change their behaviour, I have to remember to lock up.

Young men aren't at the same risk of being raped when they are out but they are far more likely to be the victims of an attack than young women. We taught all our kids to look out for their safety and to be aware of their surroundings so that they had a chance to avoid trouble if possible.

As with child abuse, the risks of sexual attacks by people you know is much higher than stranger-danger.

supermassive

Comments about "women shouldn't have to _____" are hilarious and narrow minded.

People shouldn't be psychopaths, people shouldn't be completely mental and rape. But they are and they do.

I'd compare it to a vicious dog. You tell children not to reach through fences to stroke a dog, right? This is the same. You're simply saying "why can't I reach through the fence? I should be allowed!" It's childish. Grow up just a little bit and you'll see that the world is dangerous and as much as you'd like it to be fluffy and sweet, it isn't and isn't ever going to be, so get used to it and take care of yourself, make sure you're being safe because if you're not then you're inviting the bad right to your front door.

As for the topic at hand, it's not difficult - people in my family have done it for years - she needs to make herself unapproachable. Public transport is a time for a miserable face, a pretty abbrasive attitude and no time for people at all. Perverts won't engage or even try if they come across this because they'll think they will get a punch in the face.

supermassive

fierystormcloud wrote: »

As I said, for men (some men, as they are not all they same,) to change their attitudes and their behaviour. THIS is the answer.

Women should not be afraid to run or walk in certain places, (and it's not always after dark when women get attacked by the way,) and they should be entitled to dress how they want, and wherever they want, without men attacking them, jeering, trying to belittle them, or claiming they're 'asking for it,' if they wear a short skirt.

MEN get to walk around after dark without worrying about being sexually assaulted or raped, MEN get to walk around in shorts (showing their legs,) without the fear of being hounded and called slutty, or being accused of 'asking for it,' , MEN get to travel on public transport and walk around the streets, without fear of being hounded and hit on every 5 minutes. Women should have the right to the same treatment, and the same respect.

Remember that film footage of the attractive brunette in New York (I think it was New York.) She was simply walking for around for about 8 hours, and she got hit on by dozens of men. She was dressed fairly normally, she was not making eye contact with anyone, and she was keeping herself to herself. Yet men kept hounding her, following her, demanding that she speaks to them, and generally acting like they thought it was their right to do this.

One man even said 'what's your problem, am I ugly? Am I not good enough for you?' And he kept walking alongside her, trying to intimidate her, and getting more aggressive by the second. He followed her for about 7 minutes, before storming off in a huff. I wonder how he would have behaved/reacted if it had been a lonely pathway or alley?

Some men do not like to be rejected and some men do not like it when a woman will not speak to him or even look at him, because they see it as a slur on their masculinity and their prowess. They think it's their 'right' to hit on women, and that the women should be grateful for the attention. Generally if women ARE hostile, it's because you are the 500th man to hit on her, and assume she is going to fancy you and want to date you.

So, I reiterate, it is the attitude of some MEN that needs to change.

And I know that not all men are like this, and that's why I say 'some.'

This is both sexist and untrue. Maybe you should look at the world for 5 minutes before jumping on the "women are victims!" bandwagon.

I'm a man. I've been sexually assaulted in public, I've been raped, I've had my drinks spiked, I've been stalked and beaten up.

Or maybe I'm a woman, eh?