Advice on rejecting men....

lostinrates

euronorris wrote: »

But this is the problem. How can we act or dress or carry ourselves a certain way to avoid trouble, when the triggers (or boxes that need to be ticked) vary from guy to guy. For some, standing your ground and telling to **** off will be effective, for others it will escalate the situation.

The only thing we can do, is refuse to live in fear, learn how to get out of certain grips, situations, know how to throw a punch/kick, be certain that running asap is the best option, and know how and when to get help where ever we are.

I agree wholeheartedly with this. we are responsible for ourselves, taking what precautions we can, balancing risk and reward and getting on with life, or sometimes...hopefully not to often deciding a time and a place and an occasion is a risk too far for us.

split_second

i've heard there is a fashion for younger women to wear a ring on the wedding finger despite not being married?

some of my female friends do it, if they dont like the look of a bloke 'sorry i'm engaged/married' and any normal bloke goes away with his tail between his legs

euronorris

lostinrates wrote: »

I agree wholeheartedly with this. we are responsible for ourselves, taking what precautions we can, balancing risk and reward and getting on with life, or sometimes...hopefully not to often deciding a time and a place and an occasion is a risk too far for us.

Exactly! And just knowing a few self defence moves is soooo empowering! When you know how to, effectively, get out of a stranglehold (or other holds/grips), they don't seem so intimidating.

And of course, there are situations you just shouldn't put yourself in. The risk is too great. Like taking a shortcut through an estate that the police refuse to go into - that's not a wise choice, and best avoided.

Jade22

So I feel like I should thank my lovely mother for starting this thread, it has definitely been interesting to hear some of your thoughts.

Luckily, I've never been flashed (Heres hoping that never happens, although i think it may be a bit more amusing). So far, ive been chatted up on buses at frequent intervals, had the above mentioned man place his hand on my leg, and have a man kiss me on the chest as I was leaving a club. The final one happened after I told him he was to stop what he was doing as he was making me uncomfortable.

To everyone who is saying I should cover up. Im sorry, but that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Mainly because except the last instance, I am always fully covered up, especially now its Winter. Coats are needed. My work has a strict dress code, and even on the latest instance, I was clubbing in jeans and a t-shirt. Not exactly skimpy.

My main problem is that it never is gorgeous guys, or men that can take a hint. Its always horrible men who are at least older than my parents, and regardless of whether I ignore them, play with my phone, promptly tell them where to go or just politely tell them Im not interested, nothing works.

As for the not looking vulnerable or lost: I have lived here 18 months, know where Im going at all times and have a better sense of direction than most (my DM will agree ). Im not exactly the most vulnerable looking type, just cant automatically bring myself to be rude to people.

Im thinking next time I should just call the police and report sexual harrassment if someone touches me again. Surely making people aware of it is the best way to stop it permanently. Thoughts on this?

And thanks to all the lovely people who are genuinely trying to be helpful.

Jinxes DD

DUTR

Jade22 wrote: »

So I feel like I should thank my lovely mother for starting this thread, it has definitely been interesting to hear some of your thoughts.

Luckily, I've never been flashed (Heres hoping that never happens, although i think it may be a bit more amusing). So far, ive been chatted up on buses at frequent intervals, had the above mentioned man place his hand on my leg, and have a man kiss me on the chest as I was leaving a club. The final one happened after I told him he was to stop what he was doing as he was making me uncomfortable.

To everyone who is saying I should cover up. Im sorry, but that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Mainly because except the last instance, I am always fully covered up, especially now its Winter. Coats are needed. My work has a strict dress code, and even on the latest instance, I was clubbing in jeans and a t-shirt. Not exactly skimpy.

My main problem is that it never is gorgeous guys, or men that can take a hint. Its always horrible men who are at least older than my parents, and regardless of whether I ignore them, play with my phone, promptly tell them where to go or just politely tell them Im not interested, nothing works.

As for the not looking vulnerable or lost: I have lived here 18 months, know where Im going at all times and have a better sense of direction than most (my DM will agree ). Im not exactly the most vulnerable looking type, just cant automatically bring myself to be rude to people.

Im thinking next time I should just call the police and report sexual harrassment if someone touches me again. Surely making people aware of it is the best way to stop it permanently. Thoughts on this?

And thanks to all the lovely people who are genuinely trying to be helpful.

Jinxes DD

having a quick read of the thread, every post has been helpful, it is up to you to just choose what you want to read or accept, I'm a bloke but wouldn't carry on like the way you say some of your admirers have, blokes are shy creatures really so often only going to go for the 'dead certs' So you maybe inadvertantly carrying your self off in an 'incorrect' way , however that said you should be able to dress as you please and should not be subject to harrasment in the way described in the 1st post. If it were one person persistent then yes it could be down to the characteristics of that particular male, when it is several random people that is what is more concerning. It is a difficult situation with no immediate obvious solution

*max*

I would like to add that "gorgeous men" can be complete tw4ts too. It's not a quality reserved to the less aesthetically advantaged. Or maybe you wouldn't mind it if only the guy was good looking?

DUTR

*max* wrote: »

I would like to add that "gorgeous men" can be complete tw4ts too. It's not a quality reserved to the less aesthetically advantaged. Or maybe you wouldn't mind it if only the guy was good looking?

Yes the post does sort of read that if the men were dishy, then the OP/daughter would not mind

brightonman123

one word- tazer!

or shout loudly - 'get off me, you perve'..

either should work well!

make_me_wise

It is a common problem I think. On really crowded underground tubes you get this. Blokes try to make out that they bumped into your bum/chest/thigh by accident. The best non conflict way to deal with it is to try to travel where there are a good number of other people about, but not excessively crowded. If that is not possible then sit as near to the drivers cab on a bus as possible.

I think women also have to be careful and think about how they dress. I am not trying to insinuate in any way that your daughter asked for any of this unwanted attention op. However many do and they could avoid alot of problems if they thought out their wardrobe more carefully.

I also carry an attack alarm with me. That way if anyone touches my body in a way I deem inappropriate I can warn them off without saying a word.

There is always going to be some blokes who want to try their luck with a girl completely out of their league. They know damm well they cant chat her up or keep her interest for long with conversation. Without thinking things through they make her feel uncomfy, touch her up and effectively push away any chance of getting to know her.

January20

*max* wrote: »

I would like to add that "gorgeous men" can be complete tw4ts too. It's not a quality reserved to the less aesthetically advantaged. Or maybe you wouldn't mind it if only the guy was good looking?

Isn't this the way most of the human population meet their mate? By being chatted up by people that they find attractive? I'm not sure what you guys are trying to achieve by starting this line of thinking? So Jade should dislike ANY man chatting her up? Are you trying to blame her? To darken her character?

FWIW, I live in a largish city in the north of England and I often go out with my 19 yo daughter and have seen how some men look at her. They don't even look, they just leer. The complete lack of respect in their eyes, like she is prey there, for their taking. It's so disgusting and so worrying for a mother.

I find it deeply offensive that some people still think it's the girl's fault, that she must be carrying herself in the wrong way, wearing the wrong clothes, showing too much flesh, etc. Have we not move out from the caves then? What about it's the men's fault for not having any boundaries? For not having any respect? For thinking they are such studs that any girl would go for them? For thinking that if she ignores them, it's ok to touch her up?

But it's always the same isn't it? regarding sexual matters: The women who get in trouble are slappers and they deserved it and the men who did it? well, they couldn't help themselves, could they? poor little loves!