Advice on rejecting men....

AdmiralX

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

It's a civilised city filled for the most part with civilised people.

Did you happen to hear at all about the riots in London during August?????

Not seen any in the news of what happened during 2 week? 10,000 policemen arrived extra in the capital?? no? ? Where do you live then? some leafy area? Not heard the vigilante women walking in groups out in Kensington to protect other women because here is a surge in muggings in the night? Do you read papers? they are free.

This is very serious matter, the safety of women in the night and in public transport and I would not like to tell a mom all is fine. Here in SE London we try not to go out alone in the night.

Person_one

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Honestly, what effing planet are you on? I've lived and worked in London for over forty years and the only knife I've ever seen was in a butcher's shop. Sometimes, if you're expecting trouble you can often find it. For the most part I don't, even when travelling on the night-bus at 4am sometimes half-cut.

You seem to be doing your level best to frighten a Mum sh!tless when her daughter is miles away on her own in the big city. You are not helping this discussion at all. In fact I think you are being very unkind. And appallingly inaccurate. It is not ruddy Beirut! It's a civilised city filled for the most part with civilised people.

Its a particularly annoying troll I think. Best ignored, shame its so prolific.

AdmiralX

Jinx forgotten something, a friend was mugged 2 months ago outside her flat door on the pavement in Kens, the magger had a knife, put his hand in her throat and grabbed the gold chain, then got on an expensive getaway. Useless the DNA.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Just got in from a gig.

Walked from the club through the alleyway to the street, walked past the train station, past one bus stop and then waited for the 00:15 bus.

Gig was in one of the places featured in the riots on TV.

Bus went through 3 rather dodgy areas, including a couple where there is still significant damage from the riots. There were men and women of all ages and nationalities on the bus. Including some older Caribbean ladies who got off at their respective stops, one after the other.

By the time the bus terminated, there was myself, a younger, prettier woman and some blokes. We got off and walked alongside a few nightclubs and myself and the other woman caught the next bus. Again, plenty of people from different backgrounds.

I got off the bus, walked home, let myself in with the keys I had been holding discreetly in my left hand for a couple of stops.



OK, so I happen to wear slightly punky clothes, have the shoulder development of most bassists and had half a ton of wood and strings strapped to my back (which can flatten a person from an unintentional simple sideswipe), but I wasn't the only person there, and none of us looked scared.



Now, admittedly, I may look slightly tougher than an archetypical librarian or p*ssed up bird on the way home from a hen night, but I'm not ever going to be mistaken for a bloke. Sometimes people have started talking to me - and they haven't meant anything harmful by it. I've been given a few phone numbers, though - but never given mine out - I've even said 'you give me your details, I'll look you up and check you aren't a mad axe murderer and then I'll think about it' Never called any of them, though.

If I were bothered (and one time walking in a very middleclass area, my spidersense, IYSWIM, went off like a claxon when someone was behind me), I would pretend to call someone and say 'Alright darling, I'm just round the corner, you'll be able to see me any moment now. OK, then come out and meet me then'. I also phone my answerphone when I get into a cab, giving the registration number/plate number if I'm not at a regular venue where they know me and know the drivers.

I travel late at night by public transport quite a lot. At times, I have never been to that location before. But I learn the route (and a couple of reserve routes in case of problems) in advance, so nobody ever knows this.


It's probably body language - I'm not afraid, I'm holding myself in a way that shows I have some physical strength, and I know where I'm going.

But, if someone were to get lairy, a low growled 'You have three seconds to shift yerself before I put you on your arze' would be used. So far it has never been used. Perhaps I don't have to say it.



But London is not swarming with rapists and murderers to the extent that some people believe.

BitterAndTwisted

AdmiralX wrote: »

Did you happen to hear at all about the riots in London during August?????

Of course I heard about them I LIVE IN TOTTENHAM not some leafy suburb! The shooting of that filthy gangster and drug-dealing waste of space which allegedly kicked it all off was within sight of my front door, so please don't ruddy-well lecture me about riots, thanks.

We're not discussing civil unrest by a load of opportunist criminals looting shops. I thought we were discussing how a young person can deflect unwanted attention in public.

euronorris

Gavin83 wrote: »

I actually find that quite insulting. I've had women unknown to me pinch my bum before, I really don't see how that is any less sexual abuse than in the reverse situation but it's almost seen as a joke if it's the other way round. The only difference I see is that it happens to women more often but don't think female to male unwanted attention doesn't happen.

Whilst I am sure that men do receive unwanted female attention, men in general seem to not admit it happens.

You are the first guy, in years (IME only that is), who's said anything along the lines of the above! The majority simply say something along the lines of 'ohh I'd love it' blah blah blah, as we have seen on this thread already.

So, I'm sorry you were offended, but I'm also not surprised that some women think this is the case.

Memory_Girl

lostinrates wrote: »

also, I always advocate having something rehearsed to say to disarm a flasher....it makes one feel more confident than just gawping or looing a bit embarrassed. but it shouldn't be antagonistic.

This happened to me too :rotfl: Just to let you know I am not a victim - just someone who worked the theatres of the West End and Soho and it kind of comes with the territory.

So middle-aged guy in coat whips out his bits - to be met with hysterical laughing from MG and a sympathetic "Oh love, never mind,maybe when you are grown up it will sort itself out!" and a quick pat on his shoulder as I walked away. Exit one crestfallen flasher.

Local Bouncer had a word with him BTW - and he never flashed me again although he used to wander around still.

MG

Memory_Girl

Jinx wrote: »

To the person who asked she does have a lovely Scots accent, she might need a bit more Glaswegian for the comment you suggested LOL

I have a lovely soft BBC Scots accent - but I can really pull out the Glasgow edge when I need to.

Think Morningside v Gorbals :rotfl:

Its only a change of voice but pretty effective as perceptions are completely different.

MG

jokeyjo

i was in romania earlier this year with my young daughter and a bloke was trying to chat to me i said "sorry i dont understand" and walked off he then followed us across 2 busy roads and into the shopping mall up 3 escalators and then vanished when we met up with our friends then as we were sat drinking coffee he appeared again and stood grinning at us this totally upset my daughter he only went when my friends very loudly started talking about the security guard both me and my daughter were in jeans boots and big thick coats no handbag in sight, but this then made me walk taller with a swagger as if i owned the path i had to put on the front that was back off or else but inside i was petrified

Person_one

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

It's probably body language - I'm not afraid, I'm holding myself in a way that shows I have some physical strength, and I know where I'm going.

This is problematic Jojo, it suggests that those of us who've had to put up with a lot of harassment are doing something wrong, we don't have the right body language, we're too afraid, we're weak.

That's blaming us just as much as the idiots who tell us to wear long coats and baggy jumpers.

Sometimes harassers respond to strength, to hostility, to confidence with affronted aggression, as if it personally offends them that you don't fit their stereotype of a weak and meek little woman. I've had that a lot.