Dilema - donation to make ex pregnant

AdmiralX

Hagar_uk wrote: »

I would love to be a dad again, but this is a tad weird why can't life be simple!

I do not think there is a problem been a dad again, if you feel you like the lady..., but have you discussed the financial thing with the partner? Like, what sort of financial and savings plans for both kidz etc; and what happens with university fees of £18K for both kids and the like?

Peater

purple.sarah wrote: »

So the OP isn't a father to the child he already has because he's seperated from the mother and can't always be there? And I didn't have a father since he was seperated from my mother? Parents who have split up but are still in the child's life aren't really parents if they can't be there morning and night? And anyone who works past their child's bedtime to provide for them isn't really a father? I won't call you old fashioned, just wrong.

I just happen to think it is best to bring up a child with 2 loving parents at home. I am sorry that your parents separated and you didn't have that, but why does that make me so wrong?

VestanPance

Hagar_uk wrote: »

My head is really confused over this dilema, me and my ex split up 7 months ago after being togther just under 20 months, we have 16 month old son. she wants another child, her preference would be for it to be with me so both children have same parents,I had initially said no, as i wanted to get back with her, and have a child as a couple.

now she has let on she is thinking about getting a donor as i had initially said no, but her preference would still be me as a father

My personal view it is somewhat selfish of her, she is a good mum, but some of her lifestyle choices are a bit out there she thinks a child does not need a dad ( i think that she wants a child that is 100 percent hers and does not want share) I have my son at present every weekend, and hoping in the future for shared residency I just feel any child she has by donor will grow up having issue, mabe they will be greatfully having their mum to themself, but equally it will be hard seeing their sibling go off with their dad every week for days at a time, or even my son resenting their sibling for having alone time with their mum.

but If I was to be donor, i would still be the new childs dad and have access, the child would have 2 parents who love them, and brother who was a true brother.

I would love to be a dad again, but this is a tad weird why can't life be simple!

Does not compute!

Lotus-eater

I don't think a man should have a child unless he intends to stay with that child and mother and intends raising them normally.

I can't see anything but heartbreak and pain for the children and the father in this.

Would I do it, no.

balletshoes

Hagar_uk wrote: »

It is not...like I said I think she is mad and her needs to be a mum are selfish..but I have a chance to be a father again, which may never happen, is it better that is mine than a child grows up with no dad at all

why do you think you might never have a chance to be a father again if you don't go along with your ex's plan?

londonsurrey

PS If it helps, I had a full blood sister two years younger than me. We were not brought up together, and I am not close to her. TBH I find her to be an annoying airhead who can be abusive to her children.

I also have a younger half brother whom I love dearly. He's intelligent and kind, and I am very proud of him. He was a lot younger than me, and when I married, he spent quite a bit of time with us. One day, we went to visit him. He was playing outside with a friend. The friend, looking at my husband, asked "Who's that?" My brother answered proudly, "My brother!". And in truth, my husband was like a brother to him. I truly believe that REAL family is created by interaction and love, not by some accident of biology.

VestanPance

She quickly got pregnant, now has split up with you but wants you to father child number two. :eek:

She sounds like a mental case. If she wants kids by the same father she should have found someone she loves and had a long lasting relationship with that person. In no way should you be donating anything to increasing her litter.

balletshoes

Hagar_uk wrote: »

We have been up and down....the split was not what i wanted, but she blamed me for working too much and being away abroad to much for the split, Things started off friendly, then got nasty as I was getting jealous as her friend/lover who had help split her up was seeing much more of my son than me, nut things have got friendlier again.

There has been talks of us trying again in the future, but her friend (another ex) is just in the way

I think you already know this OP, but you are not getting together long-term with your ex any time soon. If and when you do get together on a firm committed footing, thats the time to be considering another child together, not before.
Your ex has already done a U-turn on you, when she initially agreed and let you plan to take your son abroad for a visit, then she refused.
If you have another child with her, she'll do the same thing - it will all be on her terms and you will have no say in it. Thats not a father, thats a sperm donor only.

AdmiralX

Hagar_uk wrote: »

She wants to be a full time mum I think,

There is no problem with the idea of a full time time mom; the financing might be the difficulty and the stress, have you found a good insurance plan to cover both kidz?

WhiteHorse

Hagar_uk:

You would have to be out of your tiny mind.