Dilema - donation to make ex pregnant

Alikay

Although you're a long way off it at the moment, there will probably be a time when you have the opportunity to be part of your own stable family: mum dad, kids and hopefully a good relationship with your son with your ex. Don't jeopardise that dream by acting as sperm donor to this rather messed up young woman and her on-off girlfriend. You had your first child together in good faith that it would be an enduring relationship and although it has now ended, what's done is done, and you're doing what you can to ensure the best outcome for your son. With the planned baby no 2 however you know what the intention and likely outcome is, and you're well aware that it's not in anyone's benefit (except the two women) to allow her to use your sperm in this way.

Please be responsible with your DNA!

balletshoes

Peater wrote: »

I just happen to think it is best to bring up a child with 2 loving parents at home. I am sorry that your parents separated and you didn't have that, but why does that make me so wrong?

it doesn't make you wrong to feel the way you feel, but real life sometimes doesn't work out like that.
My niece doesn't live with her Mum, she lives with her Dad, but she still has a Mum.

Peater

OP - Do you feel that there is any form of ransom going on here? i.e: Give me a second child or wave goodbye to your son.

jojo_2012_2

so your ex and her new partner sat down and looked at the options for having another child.

1. pay a donor, have a baby but fund it "themselves" if you can call the dole that.

2. don't pay you, have you fund it (at least somewhat). Also have a free weekend babysitter.

I think as lovely as it is for children to have a small gap in age, if you do this you will have MUG written all over your face, it will also be confusing to explain to your child. Book your slot on Jeremy Kyle now.

tea_lover

Hagar_uk wrote: »

She wants to be a full time mum I think, hence the second child, she is even talking about home schooling for the first year she is currently on benefits, living in rented house, she of course get money from me for current child, if I had enother child with her, I would pay more, but it does not sit right with me

This is what makes it a no in my eyes. If she had the means to support another child then maybe, it's not that unusual a situation really. However, as long as she's not financially capable of supporting another child you really shouldn't even be considering it.

Hagar_uk

balletshoes wrote: »

why do you think you might never have a chance to be a father again if you don't go along with your ex's plan?

There are some people who can fall out of one relationship and walk into others just like that, there are others, who find it harder to form relationships, i was single for quite a time before my ex, I dont see me have a relationship anytime soon

the_cat

Do you really think it fair to bring another child into this fiasco?:eek:

It's not a case so much that you and the mum are not together, that's the case in a lot of families. By far and away the most important thing for the children is stability, which from what you have written, seems to be the very thing that this mum is least likely to provide

pearl123

Sorry this is really blunt OP but your relationship with your OH was really rather brief - are you sure that she didn't just see you just as a donor in the first place? The fact that she likes women seems to indicate that possibly to me!
Sounds like you ex wants her cake and wants her cake!

Hagar_uk

Peater wrote: »

OP - Do you feel that there is any form of ransom going on here? i.e: Give me a second child or wave goodbye to your son.

None at all, I only found out my chance that she was thinking of trying again next year, she had already gave up on the idea, as I said I would only have a child with her if we were back together, but she said in passing her preference would still be for me to be the father

euronorris

Hagar_uk wrote: »

There are some people who can fall out of one relationship and walk into others just like that, there are others, who find it harder to form relationships, i was single for quite a time before my ex, I dont see me have a relationship anytime soon

I understand that, and I'm the same. BUT.....I would rather not have children at all, than have them with the wrong person or for the wrong reasons.

Whilst it's very easy to get caught up in our own emotions, with respect to having children, it is also so very important for us to consider the impact of our decisions on any children that we create.

For that reason alone, I would not consider having another child with this person. She isn't the right person, and this isn't the right time. And luckily for you, being a man, you have a longer timeframe to have children.

Us women aren't so lucky.