Dilema - donation to make ex pregnant

Errata

Do what you want, you will anyway.

euronorris

Hagar_uk wrote: »

She is a good mum, can't deny that, but that is not a valid reason to have more child in its self IMHO, but if she is going to have one...it would be best for my son I think if it was mine as well...maybe?!

How so?

All I can see is the potential for confusion and heartache on his side. I know I would've had a lot of trouble understanding why Mummy and Daddy couldn't be together, but suddenly decided to have another child together, at his age.

Your ex is being selfish. Let her get on with it. If you agree, because it may be your only chance of becoming a father again, you would be equally selfish, so I would suggest steering well clear of this and just be there for your son as much as possible.

Peater

I think your judgement is clouded somewhat by the fact that it seems you still have feelings for her.

You say 'thing's are getting freindlier now' - I'm sure they are, you have something she wants. And let's not mess about, she want's your seed, not you.

Sorry if i sound harsh, but the picture you have painted is more confusing than the works of Salvador Dali!

Darlyd

I reckon her and her GF have been having a chat about having a baby together. It happens in most gay relationships, and she is trying to use you.

She will get preggers using a donor or even having a one night stand anyway.

It is entirly up to you what you want to do, you need to sit down with them both and have a serious talk about it. As well as having a serios talk to yourself, include a close friend/relative for some support for you.

I will be honest, I wanted to have another baby with my ex, so my DD had a real brother or sister, but my circumstances were much different, He made me feel sick.

flutterby_lil

No no no no no, walk away now!!

claire16c

Hagar_uk wrote: »

She wants to be a full time mum I think, hence the second child, she is even talking about home schooling for the first year she is currently on benefits, living in rented house, she of course get money from me for current child, if I had enother child with her, I would pay more, but it does not sit right with me

Perhaps you should tell her youll give her a second child once she pays for the first one herself.

purple.sarah

Peater wrote: »

You don't.

Call me old fashioned, but a father is there when a child wakes up and there when it goes to sleep.

So the OP isn't a father to the child he already has because he's seperated from the mother and can't always be there? And I didn't have a father since he was seperated from my mother? Parents who have split up but are still in the child's life aren't really parents if they can't be there morning and night? And anyone who works past their child's bedtime to provide for them isn't really a father? I won't call you old fashioned, just wrong.

pearl123

How will the older child feel when they find out that you split up and then when on to have another child together? Could it be a little confusing. Would they wonder perhaps how much love there had been between you and your partner in the first place.
I think OP since you relationship has not worked out with you partner - you'd do better in moving emotionally from her. She obviously has no great feelings for you except as a donor!
Having a child like that is pretty cold.

Hagar_uk

Its all a mess, yes I still love, and that plays a part in this I guess, and yes it would hurt me if she had another child by someone else to me honest.
Part of the reasons why I am concerned about my son having a sibling with different parents, is because my ex grew up like that, and she said while we were togther how it effected her, she would never have another child with a different father because it effected her as she grew up..roll on 6 months and she is feeling broody again, she seems to have forgotten all that

londonsurrey

Hagar_uk wrote: »

Nope I could love another child, and if I met another women with a child I am sure I could love them as well, but in this case, if she had a child from a donor, I would have nothing to do with it, my ex would not want me to have any part of their life. She would however tolorate me in my own childs life!

The woman sounds like a control freak. A real mother would welcome all the loving extended family a child could get, not begrudgingly allow access on grounds of ownership. Avoid. If you are good enough to be a father, then you are. To allow you access to your child's sibling only if you donate the chromosomes is freakish and controlling behaviour taken to an extreme.

You can't control her actions, but you can do your bit not to add to the road wreck. If you do have a child with a nice stable mother, you can welcome your son to your growing family and extend the invitation to his sibling, making it clear that your door is always open. Adding to your ex's mess in an effort to make it less messy does not strike me as a particularly clever move.