Dilema - donation to make ex pregnant

Hagar_uk

My head is really confused over this dilema, me and my ex split up 7 months ago after being togther just under 20 months, we have 16 month old son. she wants another child, her preference would be for it to be with me so both children have same parents,I had initially said no, as i wanted to get back with her, and have a child as a couple.

now she has let on she is thinking about getting a donor as i had initially said no, but her preference would still be me as a father

My personal view it is somewhat selfish of her, she is a good mum, but some of her lifestyle choices are a bit out there she thinks a child does not need a dad ( i think that she wants a child that is 100 percent hers and does not want share) I have my son at present every weekend, and hoping in the future for shared residency I just feel any child she has by donor will grow up having issue, mabe they will be greatfully having their mum to themself, but equally it will be hard seeing their sibling go off with their dad every week for days at a time, or even my son resenting their sibling for having alone time with their mum.

but If I was to be donor, i would still be the new childs dad and have access, the child would have 2 parents who love them, and brother who was a true brother.

I would love to be a dad again, but this is a tad weird why can't life be simple!

JC9297

It is more than a tad wierd! There is no way you should agree to be a donor, it seems as you were pretty much that for the first one in all honesty, as she must have got pregnant pretty soon after you met. If you want to be a father again wait until you are in a relationship with someone who wants you to play a full part in her and the child's life, rather than someone who just wants you for your sperm and presumably maintenance.

londonsurrey

Have it because you want it.
Could you only love a child that has your genetic makeup? Would you find it difficult, even for the sake of your son, to try to love its new sibling that was not genetically linked to you?

Barneysmom

Tell her to get a puppy.

thorsoak

This is oh so wrong, in my book! Your ex "wants" another baby - can she afford to bring up another child, would you be paying maintenance - or would she want to stay home until the child is 5 and let the Welfare State support her and the child/children?

If on the other hand she has a career and proposes to continue working - how will the childcare pan out? More time for the baby in childcare than with parents??? So who actually brings up the child?

If this is 21st Century family life - then I'm glad I'm out of it.

mountainofdebt

Hagar_uk wrote: »

My head is really confused over this dilema, me and my ex split up 7 months ago after being togther just under 20 months, we have 16 month old son. she wants another child, her preference would be for it to be with me so both children have same parents,I had initially said no, as i wanted to get back with her, and have a child as a couple.

now she has let on she is thinking about getting a donor as i had initially said no, but her preference would still be me as a father

My personal view it is somewhat selfish of her, she is a good mum, but some of her lifestyle choices are a bit out there she thinks a child does not need a dad ( i think that she wants a child that is 100 percent hers and does not want share) I have my son at present every weekend, and hoping in the future for shared residency I just feel any child she has by donor will grow up having issue, mabe they will be greatfully having their mum to themself, but equally it will be hard seeing their sibling go off with their dad every week for days at a time, or even my son resenting their sibling for having alone time with their mum.

but If I was to be donor, i would still be the new childs dad and have access, the child would have 2 parents who love them, and brother who was a true brother.

I would love to be a dad again, but this is a tad weird why can't life be simple!

Please tell me this is a wind up

If not this is just another reason why the benefit system should be changed.

dark^knight

Sorry, but going by the title of the thread, I though you were asking for financial donations to do the deed

Money_maker

You never did update on your last thread as to whether your ex let you take your son away with you. With all due respect, I suggest that considering your relationship and your financial situation you keep it in your pants. Heaven help any further children she has.

MarilynMonroe_2

My friend did this with her ex, she wanted her dd to have a brother or sister without them having different dads, and things have been fine!

neverdespairgirl

I've heard worse ideas. But not many.

Emmzi

are you and your ex good warm friends who will always be close buit just can't share the same house?

or

is she a bit of a nutter?