Help please

con1888

CH27 wrote: »

You are being very selfish not taking his wishes into account.
There is no reason you cannot defer going to college.

There is, the course is paid for in part and I have already applied to cut 1 working day and had it approved so I would be losing money by not going. You may say it's silly to have done this before speaking to him - which it would have been had we not already spoken about it and he was fine with it. Do I know why he has changed his mind? No and he isn't giving me any answers.

msb5262

Hi OP,

Have you and your partner had a proper conversation about your joint future?
You're stating that the plan is for you to get your name on the mortgage after "a few years", have children together and become a childminder - is this all part of his plan for the future too?
I think this is a key question...

MsB

dirtysexymonkey

op why cant you hold off going to college until youve paid your debts off? that would free an extra £200 a month up, and would only take a max of five months if your figures are true?

CH27

con1888 wrote: »

There is, the course is paid for in part and I have already applied to cut 1 working day and had it approved so I would be losing money by not going. You may say it's silly to have done this before speaking to him - which it would have been had we not already spoken about it and he was fine with it. Do I know why he has changed his mind? No and he isn't giving me any answers.

So you didn't check it with him before doing it?:eek:

No wonder he isn't a happy bunny.

dirtysexymonkey

con1888 wrote: »

There is, the course is paid for in part and I have already applied to cut 1 working day and had it approved so I would be losing money by not going. You may say it's silly to have done this before speaking to him - which it would have been had we not already spoken about it and he was fine with it. Do I know why he has changed his mind? No and he isn't giving me any answers.

so you both discussed it and you both agreed that he would pay even more money into the house, and you would pay even less?

if thats the case why the need for the thread? doesnt sound like you agreed it at all. more you just told him and expected him to agree with it, regardless of his views.

con1888

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

any decent partner wouldnt expect to pay just some of the bills while it suits them, but expect to have an interest in the house once it becomes useful in a money-making sense.

your coming across as a gold digger. and i dont think thats very far from the truth going off what youve posted.

I am far from it. We pay half with everything else like nights out, christmas presents etc. I just simply cant afford to pay half the bills when at college, it's simple as that and I am not holding myself back by not going. I guess it's a choice between pushing myself to my full potential or being with him and if I have to make that choice then I am putting myself first, any partner who doesn't want to see their other half do good is not worth it. He can easily afford 60% of bills for a short period of time. I would even be willing to give him a fixed payment after a years work in the new field to 'make up' for the year and a bit where I was paying less. We can't come to an agreement though so not sure what happens next.

krlyr

con1888 wrote: »

To those who are saying I just need to cut down on nights out, a page or so back I put down my outgoings. It's not about cutting down nights out, the only thing I could cut is gym membership but even that leaves me with less than £100 a month after my outgoing when I am on my lessened earnings.

Here they are
£250 towards him for housey things ( ges/lec/tv/CT)
£48 phone bill - cant downgrade for another 12 months
£100 driving lessons
£200 loan repayments
£30 gym membership
£5 pet insurance
£90 travel to work

So when you've paid your bills, driving lessons, loans, and travel to work, you have money spare to go to the gym and insure your pet (both not really necessities in life). Some people would be grateful for just that. But then you also have £100 spare! What do you need more for? OH and I have been saving for a house and living with £100 a month spending money each, we'll continue to have £100 spending money once we move into our new house as we want to put the rest into overpayments and savings. We've managed on that for two years and will continue to manage.

con1888 wrote: »

That's what the threads all about. I don't think 50% is a fair share when I will earn far less.

Driving lessons I do see as essential as will save a lot in the long run. The amount both of us spend on travel is frightening.

You aren't paying a 50% share in the relationship. You are paying 50% of the bills and your boyfriend is letting you live there free, so you are contributing less than 50%, I think that is more than fair. Do you know what his monthly mortgage payments are?

con1888 wrote: »

I am wanting him to pay a percentage of the bills based on income so that I can afford to live with him cos otherwise I simply wont be able to - if he would rather we split up than do this then that is what is going to happen.

You can afford to live with him - you've said you'll have £100 a month spare after outgoings on your reduced wage. Do you want hundreds of pounds spare a month? What for? Do you really feel that you should be working less hours and ending up with more money in your pocket for it? You've got to make a sacrifice yourself, your boyfriend is basically stumping up your half of the rent (because in your situation I would definately expect to contribute rent to my boyfriend, I'd have to pay rent anywhere else) and you still want more? I think it's you who needs to review their expectations here, not your boyfriend.

con1888

CH27 wrote: »

So you didn't check it with him before doing it?:eek:

No wonder he isn't a happy bunny.

Read the rest of that sentence you quoted.

dirtysexymonkey

con1888 wrote: »

I am far from it. We pay half with everything else like nights out, christmas presents etc. I just simply cant afford to pay half the bills when at college, it's simple as that and I am not holding myself back by not going. I guess it's a choice between pushing myself to my full potential or being with him and if I have to make that choice then I am putting myself first, any partner who doesn't want to see their other half do good is not worth it. He can easily afford 60% of bills for a short period of time. I would even be willing to give him a fixed payment after a years work in the new field to 'make up' for the year and a bit where I was paying less. We can't come to an agreement though so not sure what happens next.

how would you expect to pay for the course if you hadnt a partner to emotionally blackmail into funding it?

and you are emotionally blackmailing him - 'if you dont pay more, im leaving you!'.

ViolaLass

When you say you discussed it with him beforehand, how much detail did you go into? Or did you just say "I want to go back to college"?

I went back to uni this year but OH and I sat down and did a full analysis of what this would mean for us before deciding anything. I'm doing this with his full blessing because he knew all the facts before I accepted my place.