Help please

con1888

Caz3121 wrote: »

It is obvious from your budget and your expectations of what things cost that you would not be able to rent a room plus pay bills in shared place for less than you currently are complaining about so how much digs will you be paying your parents or will you be expecting them to support you?

I paid them £200-£250 dig money but didn't need to pay half the food or for little things like window cleaning, bin cleaning, other additional household things on top of food bill which I always paid 1/2 of like dvds, candles, home furnishings etc.

So yes they would be supporting me in an extent by letting me live in their house but it wouldn't bother them and they would not be any less off they would be better off with me living with them so in that sense it isn't really 'sponging'.

krlyr

OK, in your other thread you said his running costs were around £900 - slightly more due to council tax (presumably him losing his single-person discount).
You pay £250 out of slightly more than £900 a month - I make it about £930 with the council tax difference. That's just under 27%, so your contribution isn't inline with your earnings and I think it's unfair to want to pay even less towards it.
You said on your other thread that the cheapest rentals were £350 a month before bills, so I think you've got it pretty good as it is!

con1888

ViolaLass wrote: »

Good idea. I think you both need to sleep and calm down and then you can have another go at discussing it. Keep calm, don't lay blame anywhere, just discuss how you're going to deal with the situation as it now is.

Thanks. At the moment I am too emotional to 'have it out' and will just end up worse than it is just now.

con1888

krlyr wrote: »

OK, in your other thread you said his running costs were around £900 - slightly more due to council tax (presumably him losing his single-person discount).
You pay £250 out of slightly more than £900 a month - I make it about £930 with the council tax difference. That's just under 27%, so your contribution isn't inline with your earnings and I think it's unfair to want to pay even less towards it.
You said on your other thread that the cheapest rentals were £350 a month before bills, so I think you've got it pretty good as it is!

morg is around 400 so we had taken that (and the insurance that goes with it ) out of the equation leaving under £500 which I pay 1/2 of.

msb5262

Hello OP,

Anyone at home????

CH27 wrote: »

Have you actually ever sat down & talked about your hopes & plans for your JOINT future?

This ^ ^ ^

I would also like to refer you to my post #63.

Why are you ignoring the question?

I can only think of one reason...

MsB

con1888

msb5262 wrote: »

Hi OP,

Have you and your partner had a proper conversation about your joint future?
You're stating that the plan is for you to get your name on the mortgage after "a few years", have children together and become a childminder - is this all part of his plan for the future too?
I think this is a key question...

MsB

Sorry, wasnt avoiding just hadn't noticed.

We did have conversations yes but he isn't great at discussing things to be honest so as much as I was being serious it seems like he was just like ' yeah whatever'.

Have spoken properly about mortgage and having kids though and yes he definately wants/wanted kids in around 2 years time ( or start trying then at least ) and wanted my name on mortgage after ' a few year' so presumably when I had cleared my name in order to get on the morgtage.

Elle7

Yeah, I think if you sleep on it and then read back the thread from the start you might be able to see where everyone is coming from - while you may have agreed this with him initially, it seems after thinking about it he isn't happy with this arrangement anymore. It could be because he does have financial responsibilities, such as the mortgage, and is used to having a bigger wage, or it could be because he has looked into childminding and doesn't see this as a way forward for you - you say you want more opportunities but the course won't give you that on its own. You could be a childminder with it or without it, and you could be a nursery nurse with it or without it - you'd need more training to qualify as a nursery nurse, so this course wouldn't help you at all.

I think you need to look at the course again, and make sure you understand exactly what it will qualify you to do, and also look at your potential earnings when you do achieve the qualification - will you need other courses, like pediatric first aid, and if so, how will you get these? And what the caps will be on how many children you can have, and also how much the average childminder around you earns - a realistic, backed-up figure is necessary here.

Then, once you have decided whether it is worth the time and effort, if you decide it is, you can approach him and discuss with him the options. You can afford to pay 50% of the bills and still go to college, and that is less then you'd pay if you were paying 50% of the rent/mortgage and bills, so you need to decide if he is more important, or if his money is. He obviously isn't happy with the % calculation, but maybe he'd be happy to pay for your nights out etc, or luxuries, or just help you out on the months that you need it?

By just saying you can't afford it while the figures show that you clearly can, whilst still paying things which many would class as not necessary, you are clearly sending the message that your disposable income is more important then living with him and being with him, and if he won't subsidise you then he isn't worth being with.

Talk to him openly and honestly, and see what type of arrangement he would be happy with. You might not be able to see it right now, but you are getting a good deal out of this, and you were bound to have less income if you are going back to education - the fact that you'll still be able to afford everything and be able to live with your boyfriend puts you in a better position then most, even if you don't have much spare money.

krlyr

con1888 wrote: »

morg is around 400 so we had taken that (and the insurance that goes with it ) out of the equation leaving under £500 which I pay 1/2 of.

But why is it out of the equation? You are getting the benefits of the house so why don't you feel obligated to pay anything towards it?

Your choices, basically, are
- live in his house and pay fairly towards it. If you're going by earnings percentages to be fair then you actually need to contribute more than £250. If you can't cancel your college course then you need to find a way to make up the drop in wages, get a second job, plenty of people do it. I can't afford to drop out of my job to study so I go to evening classes, but if you're going to class in the daytime then use your evenings to earn some money.
- move back with your parents, but if you're giving them £250 as you've mentioned before, you're no beter off financially and you risk losing your relationship - for what, making a point in a disagreement?
- move elsewhere and have to stump up £100 more for rent, then bills on top of that.

You want it fair then pay fairly. Contribute towards the mortgage in the form of rent, or at least acknowledge the fact that you're paying £200 less in this relationship than your boyfriend so you're not doing things 50:50.

Oldernotwiser

con1888 wrote: »

I will make the picture clearer, he owns the house, morgtage is £400 but I took that £400 away from his net figure. The agreement was always that he pays full morg as I have no hold over the house.

In my oppinion he isn't looking at things in the long term. The course I am doing is an HND in Education and Childcare and ideally want to go on and work as a childminder where I would be self employed and also if/when we had kids would be at home with them also but earning at the same time. After a few years I would ideally be on the mortgage so then would be paying half of that ( or if I earned more 60% or whatever).

It's just really stressful trying to work it all out but I really don't think its fair if he is paying 50% and has plenty disposable income left and can save and go on nights out, buy nice clothes etc when I will be skint, struggling even to pay for half the messages , travel to work and college, driving lessons things that are more of a need rather than a want. He doesn't see it that way which in my oppinion is selfish.

I know we all think in different ways but I really don't think the above way would be fair. We wouldn't be able to even go out together for a meal or that because I just wouldn't be able to afford it.

An HND isn't really a qualification you would do to be a childminder,it's theoretical rather than practical.

Won't you be getting your student loan/grant on top of your earnings?

esmerelda98

Childcare is notoriously poorly paid, even nursery managers earn very modest salaries. I wouldn't advise anyone close to me to take a pay cut so they can do a 2-year childcare course. Some people may be content with the wages but IMO, the wages are more suited to girls leaving school with few qualifications, and little idea of what they want to do in life other than they 'like' children, so maybe something in childcare.