Help please

londonsurrey

There are a couple of issues here.

I can see why he's upset if you are trying to change an agreement so soon after moving in.

The second is that there is this major disparity in your incomes. You are expecting to share in it, and he's not. Additionally, the future you have planned sounds as though it will result in him still earning the majority of household income. Does he expect a 50/50 split(before and after children), or does he expect to pay a percentage pro rata with your income?

con1888

londonsurrey wrote: »

There are a couple of issues here.

I can see why he's upset if you are trying to change an agreement so soon after moving in.

The second is that there is this major disparity in your incomes. You are expecting to share in it, and he's not. Additionally, the future you have planned sounds as though it will result in him still earning the majority of household income. Does he expect a 50/50 split(before and after children), or does he expect to pay a percentage pro rata with your income?

No the future if anything I will likely earn more. When I go into childcare my wages will probably match his but have the potential to be more then there is also the fact when I do go into childcare he is going back to dayshift working which is less than what he is on at the moment. I am willing to share as I see a relationship as a whole and therefore joint money and joint outgoings.

He doesn't seem to think that far ahead and doesn't seem to want to discuss anything, seems like storming away is a better option for him.

So frustrated right now, feel like going upstairs to speak but it will end in a shouting match or have me in tears as I am feeling very emotional now because of all this.

MandM90

con1888 wrote: »

Atm though I don't know whats happening, I went out for a few hours and he is still in a mood so think its possibly best to nip it in the bud just now before getting any further down the line with kids or that then the arguments arise. We have never had a proper argument before. I don't want to move back to my parents though so unsure what to do, maybe best to rent on my own for a bit.

You were planning kids and marriage yet are willing to walk away after one tiff? And if that was the case I'm not sure why he is so intent you 'don't have a claim on the house'?! It sounds like he sees this as a short time relationship and perhaps you've got a bit ahead of yourself, sorry.

It all sounds a bit unfair and one-sided; whilst you're earning more you want him to pay all of the mortgage and 60% of the bills, yet when you earn more you envisage a 'joint pot'.

dirtysexymonkey

so to be clear op.

you live rent free
you want to voluntarily drop your income to retrain
retrain so you can use his house as an asset to make you money

all after a few months of moving in? im not surprised hes annoyed with you! you sound like a gold digger. and irresponsible with money frankly.

your household bills must be minute for everything to come in under £400 a month! (ive removed the £50 you pay for rent, and doubled it to add his share)

if you think all the bills come to £400 a month then your very mistaken. its obvious that your not paying anywhere near 50% of the bills, never mind the total household expenses.

londonsurrey

Feeling emotional is a reasonable reaction. You've had a nasty surprise, there is tension in the household, you're contemplating the prospect of a relationship breaking down and moving. The last two factors are recognised as major stresses in a person's life.

krlyr

How much would it cost you to rent a room in a houseshare? I imagine it would cost you more than £250 and in a houseshare you don't tend to get so much freedom. Why do you begrudge paying your boyfriend an amount (probably less) than you'd have to pay a total stranger to live elsewhere (since you don't want to live back with your parents)?

victory

[QUOTE=con1888;49271425
So frustrated right now, feel like going upstairs to speak but it will end in a shouting match or have me in tears as I am feeling very emotional now because of all this.[/QUOTE]

You need to talk to him, surely you need to keep the lines of communication open and keep at it until you both either reach a compromise, agreeto disagree or somehow find a solution to this, if you don't do it now what is the solution for the future with marriage and kids in the mix?

con1888

MandM90 wrote: »

You were planning kids and marriage yet are willing to walk away after one tiff? And if that was the case I'm not sure why he is so intent you 'don't have a claim on the house'?! It sounds like he sees this as a short time relationship and perhaps you've got a bit ahead of yourself, sorry.

It all sounds a bit unfair and one-sided; whilst you're earning more you want him to pay all of the mortgage and 60% of the bills, yet when you earn more you envisage a 'joint pot'.

No, its not that atall, he pays mortgage as it is HIS house, I have no claim nor hold over it so I find it perfectly acceptable that I don't pay towards it and the bills we were splitting 50/50 whilst I am on the earnings that I am just now ( which are about £300 a month less than his roughly.)

When I am earning less I think it should be a percentage of bills because I simply can't afford to pay what I am just now. He earns a comfortable wage and can easily afford to pay 60% whilst I am furthering myself at college in order to earn more in the future at which point we would reconsider things. I think the 'joint pot' idea would work better all round as our wages will probably be around the same but if he wanted an exact percentage then I would be fine with that as it would be affordable for me.

I am not really willing to walk away but he has walked away and is not willing to speak so what do I do...

dirtysexymonkey

con1888 wrote: »

No, its not that atall, he pays mortgage as it is HIS house, I have no claim nor hold over it so I find it perfectly acceptable that I don't pay towards it and the bills we were splitting 50/50 whilst I am on the earnings that I am just now ( which are about £300 a month less than his roughly.)

When I am earning less I think it should be a percentage of bills because I simply can't afford to pay what I am just now. He earns a comfortable wage and can easily afford to pay 60% whilst I am furthering myself at college in order to earn more in the future at which point we would reconsider things. I think the 'joint pot' idea would work better all round as our wages will probably be around the same but if he wanted an exact percentage then I would be fine with that as it would be affordable for me.

I am not really willing to walk away but he has walked away and is not willing to speak so what do I do...

if its HIS house as you keep reminding everyone - where are you planning to be childminding?

you want to use HIS house to make YOU money. or move out and see where you can live for £250 a month! or will you be going back to mummy and daddy to sponge off of them?

con1888

krlyr wrote: »

How much would it cost you to rent a room in a houseshare? I imagine it would cost you more than £250 and in a houseshare you don't tend to get so much freedom. Why do you begrudge paying your boyfriend an amount (probably less) than you'd have to pay a total stranger to live elsewhere (since you don't want to live back with your parents)?

Yes but I wouldn't expect a stranger to be supportive of me going to college in order to earn more in the future, my partner however should be supportive, he was all for it at the beginning when I told him I was going to do it and we were working out potential earnings after completing the courses.

If it comes to it though I would go back to my parents until the course is finished and I can afford to move into a place of my own.