Help please

Seanymph

My OH works, and I don't.

Should I then somehow have to fund half of everything?

I find it sad really that couples now are so - I don't even know the word - but it's encompassed by the advice that even though she earns less she should still pay half. It doesn't work - he then would have much more disposable income, she wouldn't have money to spend on herself, on gifts for her family for occasions....... and resentment would build.

She isn't choosing not to work -she is doing a course to improve future prospects. I doubt that homekeeping is 5o/50 (it rarely is!) - and in time no doubt the OP will be not working as she raises their children and her OH can carry on pursuing his career (and social life and sanity!) whilst she loses income and prospects.

Surely being a life partner of someone involves something more than a calculator to work out half of everything? They should be building a future together - if that means one supports the other slightly whilst they qualify then fine, you both get the benefits later.

Or am I just an old romantic?

dirtysexymonkey

Seanymph wrote: »

My OH works, and I don't.

Should I then somehow have to fund half of everything?

I find it sad really that couples now are so - I don't even know the word - but it's encompassed by the advice that even though she earns less she should still pay half. It doesn't work - he then would have much more disposable income, she wouldn't have money to spend on herself, on gifts for her family for occasions....... and resentment would build.

She isn't choosing not to work -she is doing a course to improve future prospects. I doubt that homekeeping is 5o/50 (it rarely is!) - and in time no doubt the OP will be not working as she raises their children and her OH can carry on pursuing his career (and social life and sanity!) whilst she loses income and prospects.

Surely being a life partner of someone involves something more than a calculator to work out half of everything? They should be building a future together - if that means one supports the other slightly whilst they qualify then fine, you both get the benefits later.

Or am I just an old romantic?

hes supporting her by paying all of the housing costs and 50% of the bills, while she pays just 50% of the bills.

just how much should he have to pay? and do tell where she said anything about a 'life partner'?

Oldernotwiser

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

op youve conveniently left out that he pays all the mortgage costs, with you just paying £50 rent.

in that case you really should be paying 50% of the bills. i completely agree with your oh. it seems as if you just want him for his money. evidenced by the way you talk about him and how youre quite happy to end the relationship if he doesnt pay even more money so you can voluntarily give up a quarter of your pay!

If that's the case, it certainly puts a very different slant on the subject.

balletshoes

Padstow wrote: »

Partner is an overused word. "I've been seeing my partner now for three months, he lives with his mum." To me that's a boyfriend.

My daughter was horrified when I asked whether her boyfriend was her partner. She considers partners are Jeremy Kyle speak.

No one in her circle has a partner. They are either boyfriends, fiances or husbands. The only partners are in business.
Step mum is also overused, so I won't comment on that.

interesting - so what would your daughter call a boyfriend who was a long-term boyfriend ie they've been together longer than a couple of years, who lives with his long-term girlfriend, and they're not engaged and not married?

I think I probably would use partner in that circumstance, because he's more than a boyfriend.

Bernie_Flint

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

If that's the case, it certainly puts a very different slant on the subject.

Agreed ma'am

prosaver

con1888 wrote: »

Sometime next year, probably around February I will be taking a wage cut. The reason is I am dropping one days work a week to enable me to do a college course ( which after 2 years should give me what I need to get a better job in a field I like).

Partner and I were going to review the bills to a percentage of what we pay.

His net income (after tax etc) will be £1100 and mine will be around £750.

I am terrible with maths so can't work that out can anyone help me by explaining what percentage we should each pay and how to explain it to him also.


Thanks.

dosent he eat more?
:cool:

DVardysShadow

prosaver wrote: »

dosent he eat more?
:cool:

I think she only moved in on Wednesday, in which case that part of the calculation only kicks in when they refill the fridge.

prosaver

DVardysShadow wrote: »

I think she only moved in on Wednesday, in which case that part of the calculation only kicks in when they refill the fridge.

and there argueing already ..ooohh
anyway I would just go halfs on everything...i mean are they going to moniter how many baths they have, how long in the shower..
how much toilet paper they use

con1888

Padstow wrote: »

After your college course, when you earn more, will he have to pay less for everything?

Well I had said yes, we may not earn less possibly around the same but if I earned more then yes I would pay more. What ideally would happen by then is that we could have a ' joint pot' of money as such.

Atm though I don't know whats happening, I went out for a few hours and he is still in a mood so think its possibly best to nip it in the bud just now before getting any further down the line with kids or that then the arguments arise. We have never had a proper argument before. I don't want to move back to my parents though so unsure what to do, maybe best to rent on my own for a bit.

con1888

I will make the picture clearer, he owns the house, morgtage is £400 but I took that £400 away from his net figure. The agreement was always that he pays full morg as I have no hold over the house.

In my oppinion he isn't looking at things in the long term. The course I am doing is an HND in Education and Childcare and ideally want to go on and work as a childminder where I would be self employed and also if/when we had kids would be at home with them also but earning at the same time. After a few years I would ideally be on the mortgage so then would be paying half of that ( or if I earned more 60% or whatever).

It's just really stressful trying to work it all out but I really don't think its fair if he is paying 50% and has plenty disposable income left and can save and go on nights out, buy nice clothes etc when I will be skint, struggling even to pay for half the messages , travel to work and college, driving lessons things that are more of a need rather than a want. He doesn't see it that way which in my oppinion is selfish.

I know we all think in different ways but I really don't think the above way would be fair. We wouldn't be able to even go out together for a meal or that because I just wouldn't be able to afford it.