Time to Take Control

wannabee_in_credit

Thanks girls.

I just wish I didn't feel so close to the edge all of the time. I had a good chat with my sister last night, then got into work this morning to discover that my portable hard drive has stopped working altogether. I couldn't give a stuff that it has all of my work on it, but I'm devastated that it's got loads of family photos on it which are now potentially gone for ever. Isn't it stupid that you have to back up your back up? Please keep your fingers crossed for me - I've handed it in to the IT department in the vague hope that they can recover some of it, although it's not looking hopeful. On top of that - I can't afford another £70 to replace it either.

I decided to ring my doctor and make another appointment, but there's nothing available in the next fortnight without me having to take time off work to go. So I have made an appointment to see the nurse next Friday instead - I'm going to ask for exercise on referral. I used to love going to the gym - went 4x a week at one point, but I had to give up last time OH went off sick as we couldn't afford it any more. I try to motivate myself but just can't bother myself to do it on my own. I always needed the class environment. Should help the weightloss a bit as well. Fingers crossed for that as well please.

I have suggested a few times to OH that it might benefit us talking to someone from Relate, but again it's not something that we can really afford at the moment. Loads of other expense coming up (car service and MOT, and I suspect brakes need doing, car insurance, wedding) so it'll have to take a back seat again for now. I know that if I can just get my own head straight then everything else will be fine. I can work round the other stuff.

Hope everyone is doing ok and I'm sorry for being such a misery on all of my posts at the moment. I need to get back all that positive attitude I had at the beginning of the year...
:beer:

BlushingRose

I have a vague memory of going on my own to Relate in Darlington (back when I lived in that area) and they just accepted a donation from me as I was poor. Might be worth a phone call?

wannabee_in_credit

Went to see my Head this morning. I've asked for a referral for occupational health. People at work seem to think that I may get some help quicker than through my own doctor. Who knows... I'm just worried about asking for too much help from work in case I hit the radar when the word 'redundancy' is mentioned.
I've barely had any sleep - OH was up and about drunk and clattering after the football until silly o'clock so he's not in my good books today that's for sure.

Keeping_Motivated

Do Relate not waiver or reduce fees if you are struggling financially I'm sure I've heard they do.

No wonder you are mad at OH for being drunk last night...my first thought was is there spare money for him to drink if he's not working?

wannabee_in_credit

Oh don't get me started on the money-for-drinking thing... never mind the you're-well-enough-to-enjoy-drink-and-football-but-not-well-enough-for-work thing... I feel absolutely furious with him - like I have a petulant teenager. I just don't know how to deal with it at all. I tell him I'm upset, he says he knows and he'll try harder, then nothing changes.
Hopefully occupational health will come up with the offer of some counselling for me anyway. I need coping strategies for dealing with his depression because I may actually be making it worse by always just having a go at him. Grrr.

wannabee_in_credit

See, now I just feel guilty for being a grumpy so and so :o:o
How is it that he can always do that to me? I got home from work late last night (half six) and he was up, bathed and shaved, but confessed to another long lie in. So I was just about to get grumpy when he told me that the written copy of his triage appointment last week had arrived and asked me to read it please. So I read it and then felt like a cow for being so horrid to him - it says on there that he loves me and the kids so much, but feels like he drags us down and that there's no point in him being there. And it says that he recognises that he has a problem with depression and alcohol and that he wants to get better and will do whatever he needs to in order to feel better.
Anyway, I've told him (again) that I'm happy to not have any alcohol in the house at all - it doesn't bother me, and should support him if he stops going out and buying it.
We didn't talk much because I was so late home, with a migraine and my head was banging. I was in bed by 8, but I think he came up at a reasonable time so hopefully this might kick start him back out of his rut. I just don't know how to deal with his feelings of isolation when I can't get him to get involved and go out etc.
Anyway, got other good stuff sorted out yesterday as well. I heard back from my best friend from uni - I've not seen her in about 6 years but she's coming to the wedding. And I met with the lovely lady who is doing the photography and is going to do it for just £100. So it was a mixed day all in all, but lots of good stuff considering my migraine.
:T:T:T

mandz1

wow thats excellent news wic.
He seems to want help and it will take time and will be a step at a time but it sounds like its going in the right direction.

and great news on the photographer

newroadahead

Hi hun

Didn't want to just read and run , sorry you have had a tough time but great news about the photographer and your friend from uni.

I think I mentioned before that some Relate places have a walk in night when you can talk to someone for free, why not give them a call. You can even go alone.

Hope the migraine improves, look after yourself will try to catch up more at the weekend

NRA xxx

wannabee_in_credit

I cannot believe I just typed out a happy and joyous reply, and then it went and lost it! GRRRR! Maybe this place doesn't want me to be happy.
So, as I was trying to say - some positive things have happened since yesterday and I feel a bit more up than usual.
1. I have been referred for counselling through work - and they have already been in touch with me. So I don't have a horrific wait time, and I can finally go and vent to someone whose job it is to let me moan... :j
2. I have decided to apply to go through threshold in September. I wasn't going to as my self esteem has had it but I figure I might as well apply.

3. My broken hard drive has been recovered and my photos have been returned. So good.:T
I love a good day - they need to outweigh the bad (and I foresee a bad day next week when the car goes in for its service and MOT, but I suspect it needs work done).

newroadahead

So glad you had a good day and very happy that you have got your lovely photos back. Just a thought but maybe the really precious ones you could get printed and put in an album? I know some sites do it fairly cheaply especially if you have a lot.


Good luck with the counseling, sometimes all we need is someone outside of the situation to talk to.

Hope OH and the children are ok and you have had a good weekend despite this awful weather.:(

take care


NRA xx