Time to Take Control

wannabee_in_credit

Hello to anyone reading this.
I joined this forum 3 days ago and am already feeling so much more positive about everything financial in my life that I thought that it might be time to keep a record of things. That way, when things aren't going so well, as they inevitably won't, then I can look back at this and remember how well motivated I felt at this time.
I have grown up around debt and been in debt for my entire adult life. I remember as a child, my parents borrowing money from their parents to tide them over, and buying all sorts of things on credit because they'd pay it back later.
When I left home to go to uni when I was 18 I followed my parents shining example. They couldn't afford to help me out financially so I took all loans and overdrafts I could and boy did I live the high life. Buy now, pay later - I'm doing a good degree, I'll get a good job, it'll sort itself out in the long run. Even on my paid gap year I took out a loan because I could have the cash now and pay back later - I bought a brand new car on hp after I wrote my banger off etc etc etc.
When I met my boyfriend in 2002 I was £17000 in debt but I did have an ok job and was making a start at paying it back. By 2004 I was pregnant and wanted to move back to the north east to be close to my family. We took out a mortgage for 110% value of the house - pay later... When my dd arrived suddenly my priorities changed - I wanted to be everything for her - no longer interested in myself but she wouldn't want for anything. I took a pay cut and retrained as a teacher (another 5k loan) so I could do what I wanted and also spend holidays with my beautiful baby. By the time I fell pregnant with my son in 2008 I was £16k in debt but very happy and just about managing the payments.
My son was born 2 weeks after I started maternity leave. 3 weeks later my boyfriend had a nervous breakdown. Another week after that our central heating broke and needed replacement (cue £3k loan). My dp was off work for 9 months in total - I went back to work 3 months before he did - suddenly we were £24k in debt and I could no longer make ends meet.
By the beginning of 2010 I admitted defeat as my debts were escalating - my dp had just returned from an extended stay in a psychiatric unit and I could no longer cope. So I contacted cccs, who thankfully set me up on a dmp. It felt awful at the time - my pride took a battering, but I was also relieved that I could stop worrying quite so much about my ever escalating debts.
In June 2010 - dp's mother was diagnosed with a brain tumour. She lived for another 9 weeks - dying on 10 August 2010 (I miss you Carol, more than you know). As she lived in Surrey, we weren't there by the end. When we got there, we discovered that her other son had used £3.5k of her money in the 9 weeks for 'essential living expenses' in the run up to her death. Phil and I organised and paid for the funeral thanks to a loan from my union - it cost £3k. Thankfully her life insurance and pension paid out just over £10k to my dp.
Time ticked by, and in June this year my fantastic boyfriend asked me to marry him. We agreed to marry on 31 Aug 2012, our 10th anniversary. I wanted to pay my share and promised to start saving. He wanted to use the money from his mum.
Anyway, things are better - the date is booked and most things for the wedding are booked and partly paid for. And over the past few months I feel the old me sneaking back in. Wanting to spend, spend, spend on the wedding and Christmas. I was starting to be able to increase my debt payments. But wedding and Christmas came along and now I'm struggling to make ends meet.
3 days ago I read a post on here (Blushing Rose). I recognised so much of myself that I decided to bite the bullet after months of lurking, sign up and ask for help...
Within 3 days I've signed up for 4 challenges. Found some new motivation, spoken the financial stuff with my dp and found new determination to clear this debt.
That's because I know I'm not on my own, I'm not the only person to make this mistake, not the only person to be out of control, and not the only person to spend more than I could afford to.
I've budgeted, cut my shopping bill right down and am looking forward to the challenge of being frugal.
I always said there were 2 things in my life I couldn't seem to get control over. My money and my weight. Time to make a start...

Now, who can tell me how to lose 5 stone in 6 months?

Love to anyone reading
G:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:o:o:o:o:o

_Tru_

Hello!

Popping a quick message in to say - you are not alone!

I've also just started a diary & just wanted to offer my support!

Good luck, though I doubt you'll need it.


Look forward to reading more.


Tru.

wannabee_in_credit

I've woken up really early this morning. Not the normal early morning, stressed-and-can't-cope waking up, but up with a determination that I will make progress today.
I got a cc statement either last week or the week before, keeping me up to date with the dmp. I noticed my balance was actually increasing, and it turns out I've actually been charged interest twice. I had been ignoring it but today I feel determined to either ring them if they are open or to put the letter in my bag to ring them tomorrow.
I'm determined that today will be a nsd for me.
I'm determined to look on the bright side and know I'm doing the right thing even though it's difficult.
I'm also determined to view the fact that I won't get credit again as a positive thing.
I'm determined to get back in control of this thing...

Keeping_Motivated

Hi I just wanted to say well done, you've had a tough time and been brought up in a culture of borrowing but it sounds like it's come full circle now with new ways of being and new habits to be formed... Feeling in control or starting to take control is a good feeling isn't so long may it continue.

Keep reading the diaries on here for inspiration, a couple that spring to mind are Hypno's diary (you'll need to go back to the beginning £100k of debt now gone!) and Benbens who works hard to keep her money in check and pay down her mortgage on one wages.

Good luck

wannabee_in_credit

Thanks keeping motivated.
I will check it all out now. More motivation the merrier.
And thanks to everyone who has read this far.

wannabee_in_credit

Today was a good mse day. Long may they continue. I found a couple of letters for people I owe money to and have put them into my bag so I can make calls tomorrow to finalise the numbers and sort out the mistakes.
I was lucky enough to be fed and watered at my friend's house at lunchtime.
My ds and oh went off to watch the football, whilst dd and I stayed at home and spent no money at all. We cleaned the kitchen and bathroom, tidied and hoovered through, put washing on, then hung it to dry rather than in naughty tumble drier. And we even switched the heating off the whole time the boys were out - warmed through hard work.
We made rice pudding and flapjacks using storecupboard stuff, and planned and prepped dinners for next week.
Boys came home happy from football (about time Sunderland won).
Then spent the evening listing things on ebay in the feeble hope that I might make a little money - you just never know.
No saving today, but no spending either...
I hope I still feel like this in the morning.

wannabee_in_credit

You know - I never pretended to know lots about financial matters. I am good with numbers, sums etc (I have PhD for goodness sakes in Engineering), but I am absolutely shocked and gobsmacked at how little I actually do know when it comes to money and finances. Looking around the site and on the forums a few things spring to mind.

I thought I was a careful shopper, but I'm far from it. I have an eye for a bargain but no wisdom when it comes to buying stuff.

I have no clue on some of the financial terms and laws. I had never heard of 'statute barred' until today - have no clue what court orders are, what a ccj is.

I have no idea how 'bad' it is that I'm on a dmp. I don't know if I default just the once per creditor or do they default me every month for the next 6 or so years until I'm debt free? That's a boatload of defaults.

I stupidly thought that once the dmp was up and running I could forget about it. I stupidly am not checking statements against my cccs statement. That stops as of now. I need to take control of this again.

How naive I have been... I had no idea how big and bad the financial world is.

wannabee_in_credit

What an excellent first week I've had, long may this feeling continue. I can't believe how much my life has changed. It's exactly a week since I started posting on here, and SO many things have changed for me and all positive. I feel so much more in control, like I'm not running and hiding from my debts any more.
It was such a good decision to finally post on here.:D:j:D:j:beer::T
I have joined loads of challenges:

Sealed pot, Virtual Sealed Pot, £2 savers - to help me to try and build up a 'slush fund' as my mother calls it.

Don't waste food challenge - if I'm wasting it then that's money down the drain. Also, after some fantastic advice on here my daughter is finally starting to eat properly and the relief I feel about that is more than I could ever imagine, and greater than the relief at taking control of my debts:T:T:T

Pay one debt challenge - I have a loan that hopefully will be paid by April next year and this will keep me on the straight and narrow.:)

Weekly spend challenge and nsd challenge - is fantastic at keeping me on track and making me think twice before I buy a couple of things:beer:

The DFW and OS boards are full of fantastic people with honest and helpful advice which has helped me make a mountain of progress over this week.
The daily threads on the boards keep me on track.
Help me plan.
Have encouraged me to track my finances.
Stopped me being scared of talking about my debts.
:cool::T

And on top of that - today I mad £19.11 on ebay, and received a £70 tax rebate cheque as well.

Thankyou all you fantastic people. I know it's my work but I couldn't do it without you and your advice.
;);):j:j:j:beer::beer::beer::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Tilly_MFW_in_6_YRS

Hi WIC, although I am on the MFW board,I felt I had t stop after reading your posts. Facing up to any financial stuff is difficult and it's much easier to bury it. I always used my work as an excuse, too busy, travelling too much etc, but actually it was just hiding.

Good luck on your journey and when your energy level drops, just read back over your diary from the beginning to see the progress you have made.
Best wishes Tilly

wannabee_in_credit

Well, day 2 of my hols and awake at stupid o'clock again, but at least my all day hangover and rubbish mood from yesterday have gone.
It's still only 10 days since I properly took control but it's still feeling pretty good. I think that I'm just about ready for Christmas apart from wrapping the kids presents - just never get enough time on my own to do that without them sneaking in to see what they have...
It's been a pretty good few days - my kids have both had their Christmas parties and nativity plays, and I have even had my Christmas party. I'm pleased to report that I spent only £21.90 on my night which included transport, drinks and a 3 course meal. MS at its best...
Went shopping yesterday for the groceries - I have an online shop booked for Friday night as I do every Christmas because I can't bear fighting my way through crowds of people in the supermarkets in the run up to Christmas. Anyway, yesterday I was there at 8am with list in hand ready to go. £36.47. I don't think I've spent that little on shopping since I was at uni, living on my own with no kids.
When I joined up here, someone posted that money saving becomes addictive. How right they were.
:D;):D;):D;):D

_Tru_

It's lovely to read such positivity! I think you're doing fabulously and you're right it does feel good taking control of your finances. Wishing you all the best!



Tru.