Time to Take Control

Lemon_Tree

hi, just found your diary and thought i'd say hello. Your diary is a very upbeat place and i think i'll subscribe if you don't mind me gatecrashing. Sorry to read your last post about your OH, depression is a very hard thing to endure and to live with, but you're right you can come on here and vent and think things /talk things through.

bluejeans

Hiya, I have just read through all your thread. Well done and keep it going. I have about the same weight to shift as you as by the sounds of it live very close to me.

Subscribed

:money:

wannabee_in_credit

Hi lemontree and bluejeans - welcome on board and thanks for coming along.
OH and I have barely said two words to each other all day. He's obviously taken on board some of the stuff I said because he hasn't started drinking (yet), but he is sitting on the sofa with his hoody up over his face (Kenny from South Park) looking very miserable indeed.
He got up when I'd made roast dinner and I sent the kids to wake him, then I went to bed for a couple of hours (unwell) before I went out and did my tutoring this afternoon. I have this awful pain in my side that won't shift and the nigglings of a migraine, so another early night is needed.
However, when I got home this afternoon he'd emptied the recycling for me. Small steps. I'm still not feeling well enough to have a proper chat but I'm pleased he's listening a little. Just needs a constant reminder that he's not the only person in his world.
I've cooked up all of the leftovers into 5 portions of pork curry, bathed and dressed the kids for bed. Everything out ready for tomorrow and I think I'll be in bed by 8. What a wimp.
I always need help with the weightloss, and encouragement on that front. I get married in 7 months and am still a fatty. And to think I was devastated about ordering wedding dresses in plus sizes. My sister was right - not to fret about my size, just worry about enjoying myself. Are you tyne and wear way bluejeans?
Also, just checked my online savings account and have managed to build up just over £200 since I had to empty it to pay for the car repairs last month. Amazing what you can do mse wise when you put your mind to it. Couldn't have managed that without help and support of lovely folk on here.

Keeping_Motivated

Sorry to hear about OH, as you say its an awful illness and it sounds like you are understanding as its so bad for him to live with BUT remember that also has a knock on effect on you and it is an awful illness for you to live with too and while he deals with it in what ever way he does you are left to do the lions share of everything...not easy and your only human.

What help is he getting? tablets? counselling?
The drinking sounds like he is self medicating?

You sound like you do the lionshare with the kids and the house? If so even with his depression it might help to give him a list daily (being gentle if he is struggling) as this will help motivate him and set goals. Do you think if a list was wrote he would be more likely to complete it even if it only has 2 or 3 easy things on it?

pennywisepoundstupid

Morning hun, hope your feeling a bit brighter this morning.

Sending you hugs as i'm not really sure what to say about your other half other than can you speak to your GP. Also know how you feel about alcohol, my father was an alcoholic and its so hard growing up around it.

bluejeans

Hiya,

Depression is a hard thing to deal with. Help can sound like nagging, when you battling with it. But I do agree the drinking will not help. As you say we all like a drink but in moderation. Outdoors is a wonderful thing, walking, playing with the kids. Easy for us to see but hard for him to see and do. I see both side of the coin.

Yes I am in Tyne and Wear

Have a good day

:money:

wannabee_in_credit

Thanks everyone for your kind words - much appreciated. I had the early night last night and have woken up feeling a bit brighter this morning. Still not 100%, but I can feel a cold niggling and I am really the worlds worst patient when it comes to being even slightly unwell.
I've decided to send him a daily text with a couple of little jobs he can do for me before I get home in the evening. Small steps as I say. Normally if I ask him to help then he does eventually but I'm as guilty as anyone for it being easier to do it myself. I know he's finding it hard to find motivation but I wish he would make himself. He was supposed to be going to football on Saturday but then changed his mind because it was too cold and windy for him!
He's had depression for a long time, and had bouts of it before I even met him. He was on medication for over 2 years after his breakdown but stopped last summer. He almost had another meltdown last October and I went with him to the doctors who put him back onto his medication but he only took it for a couple of weeks before stopping again. I understand he's not keen, but he doesn't see the self medicating link with the drinking. He went to counselling for a little bit but got too anxious and stopped going. I sometimes feel really sad for him that he'd rather sit in his tiny little comfort zone than ever try taking a risk or trying something different.
He definitely didn't have a drink last night though, which I'm counting as a good thing.
Back to work for me today - we have 2 people off in my department with stress.
But I'm determined not to let it get to me. OK, I don't feel 100% but I'm doing ok for the moment and still keeping going. I have 2 fantastic kids and am finally getting a grip on my finances. I know that OH's behaviour isn't personal - it just feels that way sometimes and he obviously does care somewhere in there.
Thanks for being fantastic listeners. I appreciate it

wannabee_in_credit

Jobs OH has done today
1. Washing and putting dishes away
2. Remembered to bring holiday forms home from work
3. Got ds off to sleep
He still appears to be a miserable so and so but has spoken to me a bit more tonight. And now that I'm feeling more human again I'm making a bit more of an effort too.;)
Rather unbelievably it took me over an hour and a half to get dinner ready and clean the kitchen. By which time he'd gotten ds ready for bed and the pair of them were snuggling on the sofa downstairs. So I've had a bath and am tucked up in front of the telly with E@stenders and laptop.:T
Another nsd too so only a minor blip. I've started thinking wedding stuff again which has picked my mood up. Trying to decide what to do for the hen do. I know it's not my choice but I want to make sure that I'm not wearing L plates around town. Hehehehe.
It's still a week until payday, and I'm not totally skint and counting down the hours. Thank God.

wannabee_in_credit

I knew the whole downer wouldn't last long if I just kept working through it. And I feel so much better today than I have since probably this time last week. The migraines are still on and off but the hormones have sorted themselves out.:D
OH had 2 days off the beer and has had a couple of little bottles tonight (I don't mind the odd drink, was starting to think he was trying to stop altogether to make me feel guilty). I spoke to a close friend at work today who really didn't seem to think that him sitting drinking on his own every night was much of an issue. Maybe I am all wrong with it - maybe being too harsh on him. But I still remember the night he drank a whole bottle of Pernod before trying to get himself admitted to the psychiatric ward at the hospital so maybe I have that making me fret a little. Note to self, don't nag about the drinking unless it's a real problem.:cool:
Still a week till payday but the finances are not dire at all. They're almost looking reasonable, which spurs me on to keep up with my myriad of challenges on here. All change into sealed pot, nsd's etc. I never honestly thought I could manage 20 nsd's a month but it could be a possibility for me this month.:money:
I signed up with a wellbeing thing at work today, a couple of theatre trips later in the year. Quite expensive, but I think it's important to have a couple of things to look forward to. So I have between now and October to find £65 for these tickets, which doesn't seem daunting at all. Obviously I have the wedding to look forward to (obviously) but need a couple of other things too. Listen to me trying to justify the horrendous cost of theatre tickets. But I really want to. And twice a year must be allowed, surely. Well tough, because I've said yes to a night out with my workmates now.:rotfl:

bluejeans

Hiya, £65 not bad, don't feel guilty, you can squirrel that amount from now till them. Your £2 nearly got that paid for.

I hang onto my gym sub and my sky. As we don't drink, smoke and rarely go out.

We must have some sort of let out, to keep sane and plodding on.

Good things are picking up at home.

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