I don't know whether this is controlling behaviour or not?

DUTR

Post #2 is the best reply so far.

j.e.j.

Your husband's behaviour and attitude is crass to say the least! And there are many other things going here (aside from your recent bereavement) that are extremely concerning. You sound like you are trapped and would like to get out. I hope you do manage to do this and start afresh. Try Womens Aid, as suggested above.

babymoo

stayingupright wrote: »

We have got a beareavement midwife, but I can't tell her, as he would get really angry about it.

Wow, you need to get out before this gets worse, he's even controlling your thoughts and what you say to people. He needs help and you need to get out for you and your daughter x

sashadesade

Yes, he's controlling. He's also selfish, a bully and his behaviour is actually disturbing.
You aren't ALLOWED to do or have certain things? Think about how ridiculous that sounds! I agree with what you said about him profiting from your child's death - he claimed money he had no right to as it was never his and spent it on rubbish you asked him not to get - that's sickening in my opinion.
I don't even know what to say about him video taping your arguments, that's appalling behaviour from a spouse. He sounds wrong in the head.
Honestly, I would get away from this man as fast as possible if I was you.

*max*

Oh god. You poor thing. As if you didn't have enough on your plate without him being absolutely, unbelievably selfish, controlling and abusive.

You know his behaviour isn't right, it isn't how a normal loving husband would act, especially in light of your recent bereavement. I am trying to be restrained here, but what the heck!

He's a deranged a$$hole, and you need to leave him, for your own good and for that of your toddler. I understand you are in a terrible place at the moment, and probably can't see the forest for the trees, but there is help out there.

Contact Woman's Aid, please. You are extremely brave, and you deserve more, so much more! Please, do it. Everyone here will help you along the way, you can do this. Please.

meer53

Take heed of these posts, this is NOT normal behaviour and it's not fair on you or your child. If you can't face doing anything before Xmas, then make it your PRIORITY to do it as soon as possible afterwards. This is ABUSE, not controlling behaviour. Fair enough you are both suffering from the death of your child, but it sounds as though his problems started long before this. Note i say "HIS" problems, your only problem is him. Get away as soon as you can, if i knew where you were, i'd be round in a flash to help you get out, probably closely followed by lots of others from the forum ! Please don't let this go on, no-one deserves to be treated in this way. xx Keep posting so that we know you're ok ? xx

Carl31

Another post like this?

Basically, any relationship where things are not equal financially is going nowhere

move on

im going to post that every time i see one of these threads now, ive never once seen anyone complain where theyre in a relationship where its equal

*max*

Carl31 wrote: »

Another post like this?

Basically, any relationship where things are not equal financially is going nowhere

move on

im going to post that every time i see one of these threads now, ive never once seen anyone complain where theyre in a relationship where its equal

Did you even read the OP's posts? Clearly, "financial inequality" isn't the crux of the problem here. It's a symptom of a much larger, much more concerning problem - domestic abuse.

bunty109

I'm almost speechless about the videoing. Completely controlling behaviour. I think the advice to call Women's Aid is spot on x

Errata

TBH I think as a first, and quite urgent, step it would be a good idea to 'spill all the beans' to your CPN. They have your best interests at heart and will help you see the wood from the trees.