I don't know whether this is controlling behaviour or not?

BitterAndTwisted

Actually, when I said with people like this, their behaviour gets worse over time I'm finding it almost impossible to imagine exactly in what way it could be worse.

Angel, where are your family? Are you likely to get any support from them?

Katinkka

You poor woman. You need to leave him. You really do. I would snatch up the toddler and everything you can carry and go to a shelter or something or family if you can. He sounds an absolute *******.

Mojisola

Please contact these people for help - https://www.womensaid.org.uk/landing_page.asp?section=000100010008&sectionTitle=If+you+or+a+friend+need+help

What are the signs of domestic violence?
Destructive criticism and verbal abuse: shouting/mocking/accusing/name calling/verbally threatening
Pressure tactics: sulking, threatening to withhold money, disconnect the telephone, take the car away, commit suicide, take the children away, report you to welfare agencies unless you comply with his demands regarding bringing up the children, lying to your friends and family about you, telling you that you have no choice in any decisions.
Disrespect: persistently putting you down in front of other people, not listening or responding when you talk, interrupting your telephone calls, taking money from your purse without asking, refusing to help with childcare or housework.
Breaking trust: lying to you, withholding information from you, being jealous, having other relationships, breaking promises and shared agreements.
Isolation: monitoring or blocking your telephone calls, telling you where you can and cannot go, preventing you from seeing friends and relatives.
Harassment: following you, checking up on you, opening your mail, repeatedly checking to see who has telephoned you, embarrassing you in public.
Threats: making angry gestures, using physical size to intimidate, shouting you down, destroying your possessions, breaking things, punching walls, wielding a knife or a gun, threatening to kill or harm you and the children.
Sexual violence: using force, threats or intimidation to make you perform sexual acts, having sex with you when you don't want to have sex, any degrading treatment based on your sexual orientation.
Physical violence: punching, slapping, hitting, biting, pinching, kicking, pulling hair out, pushing, shoving, burning, strangling.
Denial: saying the abuse doesn't happen, saying you caused the abusive behaviour, being publicly gentle and patient, crying and begging for forgiveness, saying it will never happen again.

candygirl

OMG hun.I'm really really sorry about you losing your baby, and cannot believe how callous n mean he is being:mad::mad::mad:
You are totally right in wanting the money back , and need to fully review your situation when you have the strength:A

CH27

Contact Women's Aid for advice.

margaretclare

Crisp_£_note wrote: »

Im not trying to be funny here just observant, if he doesnt like your books on the shelf and he is a techno junkie than ask him to treat you to a Kindle. No need for a bookshelf then. Just a suggestion trying to help but probably pointless. With the rest of the problem I am sorry I cant help much and my condolences to you both for the loss of your child.

I couldn't exist without my books around me! How can anyone live in a house without books? I've even been in houses where they had books in the loo, and a special shelf for them. You should see my half-brother's house in Liverpool - he has bookshelves and books everywhere, even on the landing at the top of the stairs.

I couldn't live with any bloke who wouldn't let me have my books. I have a book by my bed, another one by my armchair, and several shelves full of books in 2 rooms of this little house. I suppose your OH would say this was 'untidy'. Well, so what. A house is made for living in, not as a showcase for all the latest gadgetry.

doodoot

Honey, get out of there with your little one.

Ring women's aid, ask to be placed somewhere and stay the eff away from him.

A husband who videos conversations with his wife to 'protect himself' sounds deranged, unbalanced and dangerous.

And don't think that you can't do it.

I left my abusive partner and took my 3 year old, 6 month old, bin bag of clothes and a cat in a box and only had £10 in my pocket - that was nearly 5 years ago.

I was on meds for severe depression back then and know how it feels...it's scary thinking about trying to leave, but honey it is soooo worth it.

Lotus-eater

stayingupright wrote: »

We have got a beareavement midwife, but I can't tell her, as he would get really angry about it. We're waiting for counselling.

When we've had arguments in the past he's calmed down, then talked again to me, making things up about the argument, which makes me upset, then it turns out that he's started videoing it, after he's calmed down. He said he's done this to "protect himself", but to also show people how "mad" I am, if I were to leave.

I have bipolar, and despite taking my meds, and (considering I've just lost my baby) everyone from my HV, GP, CPN & psychiatrist saying that I'm doing remarkably well - better in fact than some people without MH issues - he still says that people will believe him, and that the videos prove it. He also says that he will keep our daughter, so I feel trapped.

This is terrible, he's a bully and either deranged or unhinged enough to be threatening you that if you leave him, he will destroy your life.

You do need to think seriously about your future together.

I would talk to your medical experts who look after you and get their opinion of his chances of keeping your DD. But I don't think he has a leg to stand on.

BitterAndTwisted

From the very beginning alarm-bells should have been ringing:

He "made you" get rid of all of your personal possessions and furniture when you moved in with him.

He doesn't let you be in contact with his parents because he hasn't told them that he's divorced and since has now re-married with a small child. Their grandchild. WHY DO YOU THINK THAT MAY BE? I think it's because there are things in his past that you would have discovered about him and found to be unfavourable. Possibly not totally unconnected to his gay-!!!!!! viewing or worse.

What did you do about the advice which you were given about your worries relating to his name only being on the LA/HA tenancy?

You talked about a "marriage break-up" back in July but you haven't done any breaking up yet.

How long are you going to allow this horrible man to abuse you?

Get out!

Get out!

Get out!

belfastgirl23

OP you might have mental health problems but at least you're getting them addressed and medicated. Your OH very clearly also has mental health issues judging by what you're saying here. Please at least step back and recognise this.

I agree with the others, it's time to think of an escape route. But I would urge you to talk to your bereavement midwife about this behaviour as well so that at least there's an official track of how he's behaving. Women's aid also seem like an appropriate referral to me.

On the losing your child issue, you are being very well monitored by mental health professionals who all agree you are handling things very well. I don't think you have anything to worry about here.

Honestly he sounds like the one with mental health issues not you.