Am I Being Mean?

gravitytolls

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I'd be far more worried about the consequences for other people of his driving without insurance. I'd either take the car away from him or report him to the police.

By the way, why on earth has he stayed living in a rural area where it's difficult to find work when he's left home? Surely that's pretty pointless?

What are his options? Can't rent a private house, can't get through a credit check, never mind afford rent on his own, no one wants to accept HB.

We moved to a rural area when he was small, as we felt that his personality was such that he would be likely to end up with the lads that nick cars and get hooked on drugs. I think we made the right choice.

gravitytolls

mildred1978 wrote: »

Presumably he's smoking dope and driving as well.

How did you manage to insure him for £520 per year if he has an IN10 on his license??

I didn't mention a figure and to all intents and purposes his licence is clean, there's physically nothing on it. I didn't fill in forms, just paid the deposit.

gravitytolls

sexki11en wrote: »

Really? Driving without tax& insurance, putting dope over bills? 3 laws broken right there (and he's done it before and hasn't learnt) What on earth would he have to do to be considered a bad lad?! :eek:

SK x

He's my son, I love him, what do you want me to say?

BitterAndTwisted

If you're not going to take the car back then you need to tell him in words of one syllable that you have given him everything he's ever going to get from you. And from now on, he's on his own. End of story.

gravitytolls

Caroline_a wrote: »

Driving under the influence of drugs can carry up to a 6 month prison sentence. How can you condone this dangerous practice? Even if you don't care about other people's children being hurt by his irresponsible behaviour, I'd have thought you might like him to stay alive.. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1504501/Driving-while-high-on-cannabis-triples-risk-of-fatal-crash.html

Thanks for that. Until the police start testing for this substance, what's to be done. I suspect it's more common than DD now.

gravitytolls

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

That sounds as if you would bail him out if you could afford it - I can't understand why!

Forget about the money side of things and just do what's best and right for your son.

Because all I can think is 'if he loses the car, he's finished, he'll not be able to start again.'

I will say this, his previous GF wanted a baby, he refused, knowing he wasn't ready to start a family. His new GF has a baby, he hasn't moved in with her. This alone gives me hope, as it would be far easier to just jump on the bandwagon of parenthood, he hasn't, and I'm very very glad about that.

If he had a child, I would have to speak to the HV about cannabis use, as for the driving, as I say, until accurate testing is introduced, users will continue to drive and use. There is at least one regular high functioning user on these boards who can't/won't see he has a problem. Until this mindset is reversed, things won't improve.

gravitytolls

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

If you're not going to take the car back then you need to tell him in words of one syllable that you have given him everything he's ever going to get from you. And from now on, he's on his own. End of story.

You're right, I'm going over and over my speech in my head, my mouth is dry, but I will do it.

I don't shy away from the truth, he knows what I think, he just has the enviable ability to argue about it, come back a couple of hours later having pigeon holed it and behave as if nothing was said. I confess I find him an enigma and don't know how to handle him, but Lord do I worry, worry, worry and obsess over him.

Kantankrus_Mare

Difficult one and and I know it feels bad to be seemingly "hard" on our children but..............there comes a time when enough is enough.

If you bail him out again this will keep occuring.

Tell him you love him but not his actions and he is not only endangering hisself but could possibly hurt others.

Some tough love is required but I know it can be painful.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

Mare
x

Oldernotwiser

gravitytolls wrote: »

What are his options? Can't rent a private house, can't get through a credit check, never mind afford rent on his own, no one wants to accept HB.

We moved to a rural area when he was small, as we felt that his personality was such that he would be likely to end up with the lads that nick cars and get hooked on drugs. I think we made the right choice.

If he can rent somewhere in a rural area, he could rent somewhere in a town.

Living in the country is great with young kids but makes a young adult's life very difficult when it comes to employment.

Oldernotwiser

gravitytolls wrote: »

He's my son, I love him, what do you want me to say?

What about when he kills someone else's child - someone who isn't a bad lad?