Is he useless or am I unreasonable?

Kay_Peel

You think your OH is bad? Oh boy - that's nothing!

We were about to set off for a Christmas with family when an unexpected baby arrived early. I just about kept my legs crossed until we reached Casualty.

On the way, I told my husband to get some supplies in because it looked like we'd be having Christmas at home, and to pick up the 'Baby Bag' that I'd prepared. Later, Christmas Day, and we're ready to go home with new baby but - wouldn't you just know it - he's over 10 lbs in weight and won't fit into any of the nappies and babygros. Never mind, I've got bigger clothes at home, so I squeeze the little soul into the newborn things, swaddle him and off we set for home, where I retire to bed for a few hours, with shock and all sorts.

I get up and ask him what are we having to eat? Let's just say that we ate cheese omelettes and some stale biscuits until the shops opened on Boxing Day. :rotfl: And if that wasn't bad enough, husband sulked for the whole time because 'Christmas had been spoilt'.

Looking back, I can laugh about it now. :rotfl:

Make the most of your last few weeks as a couple and enjoy your baby! Good luck.

Aimless

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Same way, if you must do his ironing (why?), leave it in a neat pile for him to deal with. But put yours and baby's away. If he chucks it across the floor like a teenager, he's going to have very tatty looking clothes soon enough.

This does remind me of training my teen! After nagging about putting stuff in the washing basket, and even providing a washing sack in the bathroom to make life easier, I now just refuse to wash anything that is kicked under the bed. I still have to remind sometimes, but I don't have to crawl round searching for odd socks.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Kay_Peel wrote: »

You think your OH is bad? Oh boy - that's nothing!

We were about to set off for a Christmas with family when an unexpected baby arrived early. I just about kept my legs crossed until we reached Casualty.

On the way, I told my husband to get some supplies in because it looked like we'd be having Christmas at home, and to pick up the 'Baby Bag' that I'd prepared. Later, Christmas Day, and we're ready to go home with new baby but - wouldn't you just know it - he's over 10 lbs in weight and won't fit into any of the nappies and babygros. Never mind, I've got bigger clothes at home, so I squeeze the little soul into the newborn things, swaddle him and off we set for home, where I retire to bed for a few hours, with shock and all sorts.

I get up and ask him what are we having to eat? Let's just say that we ate cheese omelettes and some stale biscuits until the shops opened on Boxing Day. :rotfl: And if that wasn't bad enough, husband sulked for the whole time because 'Christmas had been spoilt'.

Looking back, I can laugh about it now. :rotfl:

Make the most of your last few weeks as a couple and enjoy your baby! Good luck.

Had that been me, he would have received the divorce papers the day the solicitors opened in January. Sulking because the baby arrived safely? Pah!

MarilynMonroe_2

VfM4meplse wrote: »

From what you have presented, your OH likes to be the centre of attention, and as you say is very childish!

He's in for one hell of a shock when your baby arrives and he is no longer the centre of attention. What's it going to take for him to face up to his emotional responsibilities? It sounds like he needs to man up and grow a pair.

I agree with this, your OP sounds like how my life was and unfortunately things just got worse.
i wish you luck xx

Blue_Monkey

We've had rows before where I've said I feel like I'm doing everything - from the household finances, to booking holidays. My work is office-based and his is manual so its easier and more natural for me to sit a a computer and get things sorted, and in general I'm more that way inclined than him, so whilst there's been times when it feels like I'm doing everything, for the most part, this is just how it's worked. So yes, I guess I have been doing a lot for him and sometimes feel that in terms of the overall "running" of our lives, it would make little difference if I found myself single... So perhaps I've made my bed and now have to lie in it...

This latest spate of stuff has really just been since we've been home. What worries me is that when the baby comes along I simply won't have the emotional capacity to "make sure he's ok" and that we'll just drift apart because he'll feel neglected.

I just don't know how else to approach it all - I've cried/screamed/shouted/talked gently/made light of it and yet he still takes it just as a pure criticism and that I'm trying to make him feel useless.

At the weekend, we were both out with friends, and I left early. I'd had a rubbish night's sleep the night before and was shattered so as I left the conversation went something like him saying "I'll be home soon" and I said "will you make it by 12 as it disturbs me when you come in and I'm knackered from last night so would like to get a decent night's sleep" and he said "yes, see you then". He texts at 12.25 and says "I've just got another beer and then will get a taxi home" so in reality meaning he wouldn't get home until well after 1am. I was cross a) because he was so late and b) that he just hadn't kept his word - yet he could not see why and didn't think he deserved an ear-bashing. Plus this is after a couple of incidents over the past couple of months where he'd been out all night and I'd woken the next morning at 7am-ish not knowing where he was... So after tears and rowing over these incidents, on Sunday he was all "this stops right now, you and the baby are the most important thing, I've been selfish, I need to put you first" it's then galling that just a few days later there's been no sign of him putting me first and in fact has been a mizog to be around, does nothing but put off the things that are important to me and then expects a sodding hand-j0b!

MarilynMonroe_2

Aimless wrote: »

This does remind me of training my teen! After nagging about putting stuff in the washing basket, and even providing a washing sack in the bathroom to make life easier, I now just refuse to wash anything that is kicked under the bed. I still have to remind sometimes, but I don't have to crawl round searching for odd socks.

i would collect the washing - do the washing - dry the washing - fold the washing, leave it on the end of the couch then get told off for doing that on his couch! ...put the washing away


now he goes round in smelly dirty clothes cos he doesnt have a washer (ex not son btw!)

Gillyx

I don't think it's fair to say "oh well you've always pandered to him so what do you expect?"

Hardly helpful when you're less than 2 weeks away from birth.

BM I really feel for you I don't even know what to suggest to solve the problem, as a lot of the stuff if you don't do it, it wouldn't get done, i.e the moving from Australia, sorting out a house. What were you supposed to do, wait about and then be homeless when baby is due because he's not pulled his finger out.

Not a lot to say but Big Hugs xxx

Aimless

I hang up the ironed stuff, simply because I hate ironing and will only do it once! The rest is either delivered to the bedroom door, or I call them to fetch it, and then is no longer my problem.

Lol, just seen your edit re ex not son, I blame the parents! That's why I'm training mine now to do at least some jobs.

Memory_Girl

Kay_Peel wrote: »

I get up and ask him what are we having to eat? Let's just say that we ate cheese omelettes and some stale biscuits until the shops opened on Boxing Day. :rotfl: And if that wasn't bad enough, husband sulked for the whole time because 'Christmas had been spoilt'.

Looking back, I can laugh about it now. :rotfl:

:rotfl::rotfl: I wonder if Mary had the same conversation about Joseph back in the day??

............... cross country on a donkey
............. no room booked
................ hello baby
.............. visitors already? Three at once???
.............what do you mean you brought him a sheep?
............ and can someone turn that bleeding star down

Seriously though hon - if it so important to you at this point, then do it or ask someone else to do it for you. Don't set yourself up for disappointment when he won't play. You don't need the stress at this stage.

Will he change?, who knows!! But your life is about to change hugely so just be selfish and concentrate on getting everything sorted for you so that you enter labour in a calmer state.

Mine didn't change BTW - and flounced off when DS2 was 6 months old. He is back living in his Mums pool-house and Mummy still takes care of him. But I got the better end of the deal my darling DS.

MG

scheming_gypsy

You're both at fault.

You sound like you'd prefer him to be gay; what with all this being more sensitive to your needs etc... and he could probably do with being a bit less selfish.

Just cook him a nice meal and give him a blow job to apologise.


Quick tip for you.... when you're in labour and doing the deep breaths.... blow your own bloody birthing pool up