Is he useless or am I unreasonable?

londonsurrey

Doesn't matter what he promises or thinks, it's the bottom line of what he does that's important. The sulks, the excuses, the "oopsies", are all pure teenager. Ignore them, treat them with the contempt they deserve.

What is important right now is the baby. And as its primary carer, you have a duty to yourself so that you are available for the baby.

If he mans up, then great, you can all live happily ever after together.
Just have a contingency plan for if he continues to live in la-la land.

Carl31

londonsurrey wrote: »

Doesn't matter what he promises or thinks, it's the bottom line of what he does that's important. The sulks, the excuses, the "oopsies", are all pure teenager. Ignore them, treat them with the contempt they deserve.

What is important right now is the baby. And as its primary carer, you have a duty to yourself so that you are available for the baby.

If he mans up, then great, you can all live happily ever after together.
Just have a contingency plan for if he continues to live in la-la land.

Great attitude, f*ck him, you have a baby now, you dont need him and his sperm anymore

Wont she need his wallet though?

A baby is a 3 person situation, not 2

londonsurrey

Carl31 wrote: »

Great attitude, f*ck him, you have a baby now, you dont need him and his sperm anymore

Wont she need his wallet though?

A baby is a 3 person situation, not 2

Exactly right. If all he's offering is his sperm, then it's better in the long run that she recognises that.

If he is ready to be a father, then excellent, the happily ever after scenario.

MarilynMonroe_2

The things to look out for once the baby comes along is him suddenly spending more money on himself, him taking more 'me' time on himself ... this si what happened in my situation, I think its a jealousy thing. Some men just cant cope with having to share and feeling left out, while the woman doesnt even get a chance to think about herself at all nor wants to IMO!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Wow, no wonder there are so many broken marriages around!

Yep, because a fully grown man is completely incapable of caring for himself so much so that he will die without 24 hour care and nutrition from his wife.


Unlike those selfish babies, who seem to expect the provision of milk from the secondary sex toys, dare to intrude from the lovemaking orifice, demand to be kept warm and, horror of all horrors, even expect a woman to show some affection rather than devote all her hours to cooking, cleaning and giving happy endings for the man every time he feels the urge.



It's called maternal instinct. Not everyone feels it.

Good men have a similar feeling.

Wonder_Womble

Gillyx wrote: »

Being honest the things you describe mines does, helping me off the sofa and out of bed puts my oil on my stomach twice a day, shaves my legs for me because I can't reach not got him painting toe nails yet.

I think sometimes I am a bit of a nag, I was quite annoyed this morning about the bin and I think that made me a bit of a moody cow. I'm calmer tonight and feel bad about what I've said

Blame it on your hormones Gilly No matter how great our OH's are sometimes they really get on our nerves, I'm certain I get on my OH's nerves

Blue_Monkey wrote: »

Ugh. Anyway, he'll be home soon and hopefully we'll get to sit and chat then. But none of it's anything new, so I feel worn down saying the same thing over and over, listening to him say he's sorry for being rubbish and that he'll help more, and then seeing no marked change.

BM when you say the same things over and over, do you speak to him generally and say 'I would like more help' or do you ask for help with specific things, such as 'Can you take over doing the dishes from now on?' Maybe he wants to help but doesn't know where to start, particularly if you usually just get on and do things. If you give him 2 specific tasks to do to help you this might help him to be more thoughtful and considerate, such as doing the dishes and massaging your feet for 10 minutes every night. I would be mindful of what tasks you ask him to help with in order to get the best response from him. My OH hates washing dishes and they would lie there all day and night piling up, I think since being pg he has washed them once that I can remember, so I wouldn't dream of asking for him to do that on a regular basis. But he does lots of other stuff for me, like I said yesterday not to bother making the bed as I was going to strip it, and he said 'leave it until the weekend and I will do it, just remind me it to do it', as he know I struggle with it at the mo.

ciderwithrosie_2

Have to say my OH was pretty useless when I was pregnant, they don't feel any different to how they always have - he did used to tie my shoelaces for me though when I couldn't reach! We'd only been together 18 months (of mostly partying) and I did worry in the early days of pregnancy what sort of father he'd be. This is the man who gets embarrassed buying his own underwear would happily go to the shops and buy sanitary towels and breast pads though.
And our house was spotless everyday for the midwife visit until he went back to work!

What's worked for us (in 22 years of marriage) is to focus on the things we're good at and not try to force the other to do things they're not good at/don't enjoy/or remember to do. We both like cooking so that's always been an easy area to cover. He's better at DIY, spider catching, tidying, organising cupboards, hoovering, mowing and strimming, so he just gets on with it and I do everything else :rotfl:

VfM4meplse

Person_one wrote: »

This thread is really depressing.

I'm always defending men when stereotypes pop up that they're all lumbering cavemen mainly guided by ego and their kn0b, incapable of sparing a thought for anybody's else's feelings and happiness but their own, but there are so many men on here trying to prove me wrong I'm starting to feel disheartened.

From the details given, not only is her OH useless, but bloody useless.

That answers the q succinctly.