Objective opinions from the sistahood

FBaby

I can totally understand how you feel. Doing the online dating is emotionally very tough. Whereas in 'normal' life, you approach dating positively, when it is online, you have to approach in on the defensive, be prepared to be faced with the worse, but unfortunately, that is often what you get, those who are married, who are in bad debts, who have wierd tendencies, so when you finally meet someone that seems normal, and to whom you are also attracted, you do tend to feel like you've won the lottery... if you then discover that the ticket is not the winner after all, it certainly gets to you.

I did online dating for 5 years after I separared and the experience overall was quite daunting. When my partner contacted me, I had very much given up hope to find not my prince charming nor even someone decent. So I was in total shock when all seems to go so perfectly. He seemed to be exactly what I was looking for and I could shake the feeling that it was just too good to be true. I became convinced that he was married, so checked him on 192, that he had some nasty secrets, or that he was going to dump me suddenly telling me that he didn't like that after all. He didn't, our relationship progressed wonderfully, yet still I continued to have to pinch myself. We have now been together almost 3 years, can't imagine my life without him, and still at times, i tell myself it is just too good to be true.

OP, I understand you wanting to cut all ties loose without going through the explanation because you are right the in all likelihood, he has been lying to you and even though he probably liked you a lot, it might not be in the same committed way you feel towards him. Still, my personality is such that I wouldn't be able to avoid confronting him. I would need it to avoid the low chance of 'what if I'm wrong'. Sometimes, things that seem obvious do have an explanation. I would certainly prepare myself to hear what I don't want to, but still would bring it up, being totally 100% myself just in case. That means telling him that you went on the site to cancel, noticed he was there, which surprised you and understandbly made you wonder. You were disappointed to notice that he was almost signed on and therefore you can only assume from it that he is looking for a potential someone else which is not what something to can close your eyes to as you do care for him. Leave it to that. He will either come up with a stupid explanation, if that is the case, he might not be the man you thought he was, admit to it and say that indeed his feelings were not what you thought, but at least you will know for sure, or take you in his arms, tell you what a silly billy you are, that it indeed show him as signed on just because his computer is on, that he does adore you and really want to move things forward (the excuse better be plausible though!!!) Good luck, I really hope it is the lattest explanation.

jellyhead

shellsuit wrote: »

I was on X site as I was going to close down my profile but I noticed you were online. What's that all about?

Just ask him, don't get into playing games with him.

Or log into your account and say hi to him that way

i know somebody who still chats to friends she made on the plenty of fish website, even though she has lived with her man for a year. She loves him and is not looking for a date. She just has friends on there because she used the forum for a long time.

RainbowDreamer

sorry not related to this thread, but jellyhead.. just had to say.. I LOVE your sig lol.

jellyhead

Thanks, I copied it off facebook

rachelhen

Hang on dont the men in your life also realise that when you're working you're often unable to turn your attention to them? In my job I am mostly in meetings or serious situations with people and would be unwilling to turn my attention to a phone for a chat!! My family and friends completely understand that.

Running_Horse

Need_some_help wrote: »

I am really quite fond of him, although he's very focussed on what he does for a living when we spend time together he does concentrate on me, and he appears to be loving in his intentions and actions. Once I got used to being relegated during office hours, I was satisfied with what we have and would really like this to last.

Leaving aside the dating website issue, did you expect him to abandon his career to spend time with you, and what do you expect from a man during working hours? And why do women over-analyse their relationships like this anyway? Either enjoy the relationship or move on.

Need_some_help

Thanks again for the largely constructive advice, but there have been a few assumptions here that I have to correct.

Firstly, I am not needy, and I myself hate being interrupted unnecessarily with personal phonecalls at work. That being the case, I have only ever texted him twice during the day and sent the odd email (such as traffic queues to be avoided, rather than lovesick rants), given that we are both superglued to our smartphones all day and repond to everyone else, how hard would it be to tap in an acknowledgement, smiley, thanks or ok back? He's a prolific texter outside of work hours, and also happens to be the boss of his own firm so has all the privacy he needs should he feel guilty about responding to me.

Secondly, he has lied to me about the most inconsequential things before, ie small gifts I considered to be thoughtful have found their way into his bin. If you can lie about the small stuff, you're going to conceal the truth when it matters. I asked him whether he was looking for another g/f not once, but twice and he said no both times.

I know his being on the dating site is not accidental. Like myself, he is online all day for work purposes, yet use of the website is intermittent and not automatic. He could be telling me that he is working hard one evening, or even when we are on the phone and then I will see him on the dating site.

Lastly, I do not require counselling, but a bit of honesty from him is not an unrealistic expectation. I will be the first to admit that I am hormonal, which is why I sought external views.

So now tell me what would be the point of discussing any of this with my b/f, to effectivelly call him a liar? The fact is he's one character in person, and another when he is away from me. I am stupid for falling for him so hard, and even more so for wasting the last 24 hours crying. It doesn't matter that I love him if he doesn't feel the same way about me, I think peachyprice's verdict is unfortunately true.

VfM4meplse

Acc72 wrote: »

Seriously ? ...............

If you come to that conclusion based on what the OP has written, you should be recruited by Special Branch ........

Yes, I will admit to being v special :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

newcook

Oh honey, you need to realize you are not in love with him – you are in love with someone he is pretending to be.
Pretend is make-believe, make-believe is not real and you cannot be in love with something that is not real!

If he is lying just cut your losses and stop wasting your time on someone who doesn’t deserve you and is only with you until a better offer comes along.

Get yourself a man who deserves you.

FatVonD

I disagree with all the people saying just ask, if he's a player he's going to lie about it so the OP will be no further forward. It might be underhand but the only way to really find out the truth (and avoid having her head f*cked with) is to contact him with a fake profile but it sounds like she's stronger than that anyway. Trust your instincts, OP.