Objective opinions from the sistahood

Need_some_help

I'd like some objective opinions on the following situation.

I met my current partner on a dating site, we've been seeing each other for about 3 months now and things seemed to be going well. So much so, we agreed on exclusivity fairly quickly. I am really quite fond of him, although he's very focussed on what he does for a living when we spend time together he does concentrate on me, and he appears to be loving in his intentions and actions. Once I got used to being relegated during office hours, I was satisfied with what we have and would really like this to last. So I have been living in happy land for the past few weeks.

Until recently that is, when I discovered that he still visits this dating site! I visited the site to hide my own profile and cancel my subscription after we'd spent the most wonderful weekend together, and was shocked to see that he was active. Since then I have been obsessed with checking this site to see if he is online, and 8 times out of 10 he is . His attitude towards me hasn't changed, and when I asked him if he was looking elsewhere he denied it.

Sisters, please tell me what I need to hear.

peachyprice

He's just not that into you?

Person_one

I don't think its a good sign I'm afraid.

Even if you hadn't mutually agreed to exclusivity I'd think three months was seriously pushing it to still be chatting up other women, but the fact that you've had that conversation makes it dishonest and a breach of trust.

Go while the goings good and be glad you saw his true colours early on.


(Although I've just realised that because you keep checking, now your profile will know show you as pretty active on that site too, maybe he's paranoid and doing the same as you, checking up!)

NickyBat

Why not ask him outright why he is still active on the site, you've nothing to lose at this point.

DVardysShadow

Person_one wrote: »

....
(Although I've just realised that because you keep checking, now your profile will know show you as pretty active on that site too, maybe he's paranoid and doing the same as you, checking up!)

The important part of the above message!!

Insecurity breeds insecurity. You really need to get by without being swayed by possible misinformation.

VfM4meplse

NickyBat wrote: »

Why not ask him outright why he is still active on the site, you've nothing to lose at this point.

That might come across as being needy; the obvious response would be for him to ask you what you're doing on the site and it will open up a can of mistrusting worms. He obviously thinks there is better out there.

It's only been 3 months, and being fond of someone is not the same as loving them. Exit stage left, with your head held high and find someone you can trust.

onlyroz

How does the site work? Some sites would have you down as "active" if you're just logged onto the computer, regardless of whether you're actually on the site.

NickyBat

VfM4meplse wrote: »

That might come across as being needy; the obvious response would be for him to ask you what you're doing on the site and it will open up a can of mistrusting worms. He obviously thinks there is better out there.

It's only been 3 months, and being fond of someone is not the same as loving them. Exit stage left, with your head held high and find someone you can trust.

Would rather ask the question first than just walk away without at least finding out why.

Peater

Indeed, if his computer is never shutdown properly, he could stay logged in infinitley......

He could say that he was checking to see if you were still using it, which as the evidence available to him would now suggest is, you are. Or perhaps he was replying to messages telling them 'sorry, spoken for'. Don't immediatley assume the worst.

Tricky one. At this early stage, there is no point obessing over it. Just get it out in the open, if there is a reasonable explanation then fair enough. If not, perhaps time to re-evaluate.

CH27

Need_some_help wrote: »

I'd like some objective opinions on the following situation.

I met my current partner on a dating site, we've been seeing each other for about 3 months now and things seemed to be going well. So much so, we agreed on exclusivity fairly quickly. I am really quite fond of him, although he's very focussed on what he does for a living when we spend time together he does concentrate on me, and he appears to be loving in his intentions and actions. Once I got used to being relegated during office hours, I was satisfied with what we have and would really like this to last. So I have been living in happy land for the past few weeks.

Until recently that is, when I discovered that he still visits this dating site! I visited the site to hide my own profile and cancel my subscription after we'd spent the most wonderful weekend together, and was shocked to see that he was active. Since then I have been obsessed with checking this site to see if he is online, and 8 times out of 10 he is . His attitude towards me hasn't changed, and when I asked him if he was looking elsewhere he denied it.

Sisters, please tell me what I need to hear.

You mean he is too busy to talk to you?

Errata

He's probably a member of umpteen other dating sites too.