Objective opinions from the sistahood

Need_some_help

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Sadly, not only are you condemning him but you are cutting your own throat too and I feel very sorry for you. Won't you stop for a moment or two and reconsider?

I feel sorry for myself too, I love a man I can't trust. I can't stop crying even as I type, am going to take 1/2 a days leave as I just can't stay at work like this.

rinabean

How ridiculous, this isn't a "trial of an accused person" or anything else. You have a right to a fair trial - no-one has the right to a relationship with anyone else.

OP, if you don't trust this man, then you don't trust him. Nothing can be done about that. I still think you should talk to him, as, as others have said, you are technically 'active' on the site too, but you don't have to.

Person_one

Need_some_help wrote: »

I feel sorry for myself too, I love a man I can't trust. I can't stop crying even as I type, am going to take 1/2 a days leave as I just can't stay at work like this.

Dear me, maybe you should just end it and then try and sort yourself out a bit. Get a hobby, get some counselling.

I hate to sound harsh, but this level of hysterics over a 3 month relationship and a pretty ambiguous 'crime' that may or may not have happened is really a little over-dramatic.

Any chance you just wanted an excuse to leave work early?

shellsuit

I was on X site as I was going to close down my profile but I noticed you were online. What's that all about?

Just ask him, don't get into playing games with him.

burnoutbabe

if its something like plenty of fish, then he may well be chatting on the forums, made friends there? I really loved the forums, loads of funny dating dilemnas but i closed my account when met the boyfriend via that site.

so he could be on that. or just some cookie on his pc making it look like he is on the site (same as you get loads of winks when you are free member and nothing when paid )

paddy's_mum

Person_one wrote: »

[an] ambiguous 'crime' that may or may not have happened

OP - I think this is the bit that so many of us cannot get our heads around.

You have chosen to kill the relationship because of 'if ..' and that is a terrified response, not a reasoned one. If you had fallen off your bicycle and lay shocked and bleeding in the gutter, would you fight off the ambulance man who came to help you simply because he's a man and 'one of the enemy'?

Your concerns and gut feeling may, of course, be entirely justified but how can you possibly make a rational, sensible, productive decision without having the evidence you need to do so?

In the nicest possible way, I would second the recommendation that you seek counselling, if only to avoid a similar painful and distressing scenario a few months or years down the line. I wish you well.

VfM4meplse

Person_one wrote: »

Dear me, maybe you should just end it and then try and sort yourself out a bit. Get a hobby, get some counselling.

I hate to sound harsh, but this level of hysterics over a 3 month relationship and a pretty ambiguous 'crime' that may or may not have happened is really a little over-dramatic.

Any chance you just wanted an excuse to leave work early?

I think this post is harsh, but then again the OP is acting like a teenager in love .

Seriously, if the OP has been stressing all night, there must be more to it than what's been posted. It sounds like she is scared of her b/f, and if this is the case, she is better off w/o him.

ETA: I love the way you express yourself paddy's mum, have you thought about adding "hyperbolic artist" to your signature? :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

LittleMissAspie

Person_one wrote: »

Dear me, maybe you should just end it and then try and sort yourself out a bit. Get a hobby, get some counselling.

I hate to sound harsh, but this level of hysterics over a 3 month relationship and a pretty ambiguous 'crime' that may or may not have happened is really a little over-dramatic.

Any chance you just wanted an excuse to leave work early?

Totally agree, OP sounds completely irrational. "Relegated during office hours"? Damn right you are, it's unprofessional to spend your working day dealing with your social or love life. Working time is for working. I rarely phone my boyfriend at work, it's unfair to put him in a position of having to discuss non-work matters in earshot of his colleagues or manager.

Hermia

LittleMissAspie wrote: »

Totally agree, OP sounds completely irrational. "Relegated during office hours"? Damn right you are, it's unprofessional to spend your working day dealing with your social or love life. Working time is for working. I rarely phone my boyfriend at work, it's unfair to put him in a position of having to discuss non-work matters in earshot of his colleagues or manager.

I agree. In my present and last job personal calls were only acceptable in an emergency. A lot of people have jobs where they are with clients or in meetings all day or just don't have time for personal phone calls. I don't have much faith in a relationship where you can't just come out and tell the other person your concerns and have an adult discussion.

ViolaLass

OP, you say you're in love with this man but you're willing to throw the relationship away without talking to him first? If it were love, you'd want to fight for the relationship, not run for the hills because he may have done something.