Objective opinions from the sistahood

Seanymph

you didn't 'let him go' though did you? You had too much self respect to be doormatted.

I don't know if you are in a place to get hold of this, but I'll say it anyway;

You are NOT mourning the end of this relationship - what you are feeling is about something else - be that you have a low self esteem, or a previous relationship or family relationship you have never resolved, or something else going on.

It is not possible to invest so much in so shorter time into a relationship with someone you don't know - so you have something else going on that has added weight to what you have done.

'Normality' is about dating and getting to know someone to learn if they are right or wrong - you learnt he was 'a wrongun' as my granny would say - well caught, sensibly you have decided to retain your sanity and move along to find someone who will show you respect.

If you remained with him you are setting yourself up for failure.

Your anguish is about something else, you are just projecting it onto this failed relationship.

I suggest you do some work, with a counsellor or therapist and work out what has made you so desperate about something that, clearly, should not hold that degree of import.

Need_some_help

Seanymph wrote: »

sensibly you have decided to retain your sanity

I feel as if I'm going mad.

go_cat

You need to remember why you split up - its easy when you're lonely to make the person appear perfect but he wasn't - he was using a dating site whilst with you - what more do you need hun ?

Focus on how pleased you are to be rid because he can't have been right for you because of what he did and how you felt about it

Need_some_help

You are so right...I've lost so much more than him though. I've stepped away from a demanding and well-paid job, in part because I felt so low and unworthy of anything, and in part because I thought it's time to start a brilliant new life, and the demands of the job made meeting and keeping decent men nearly impossible. It might have been a reactionary mistake but who knows? Have calmed down a bit now, got out of bed and started to look at my finances. I'm just wondering what happens now?

claire16c

Need_some_help wrote: »

It's been 4 weeks and I am still wretched, it's getting a whole lot worse. Why on earth did I meet a man that was so right for me in many ways, and then let him go? I just can't seem to focus on anything apart from this huge gap in my life.

He wasnt right for you though. What part of right is going on a dating site whilst dating you?

If hes doing that 3 months in, what would he be doing 3 years in? I think you should feel glad you got rid of him now. You didnt let him go - he made you.

msb5262

OP, this is a difficult time of year for many people - bear that in mind when you're thinking about your emotional state.
It's a time when we tend to think about the past and the future, about people who we have lost and about where we feel we "ought to be" in our life plans.

I think the only reason you're still thinking about this relationship - which failed because thank goodness, you found out that the man was essentially dishonest and a wrong 'un - is that you wish things had been different. I'm not surprised; you were really happy with him until you discovered the horrid truth.
Try to remember, it didn't fail because of anything you did or because there's anything the matter with you.

It's very hard not to keep going over it again and again because it had all the hallmarks of a potentially lovely relationship.
Be kind to yourself and try not to overthink it all.
I think you sound exhausted and drained, and you should get some rest and plan some good things to do for yourself either over the next few days or in the next month or so (or better still, both).
You could also think about some counselling to help you move forward.

To sum up - don't worry too much; lots of people feel rubbish at this time of year. It's all about looking back, and many of us don't feel great when we do that.

Take care of yourself and have a happy new year.

MsB