Reassure me I'm not being a heartless, witch, please!

ceecee1

Hi squeeks !

I have been watching your thread from the beginning and have been tempted to post quite a few times...brings back lots of memories of my long long ago ex. He also was very much into emotional blackmail, never hit me but looking back he used to punch the wall at the side of my head, break anything and everything that meant anything to me and always always threatened to do himself harm because of the way that I treated him....

Anyway, thats not the point of my post. I came to my senses at Christmas as well, he threatened to kill himself, set the house on fire..anything really to make me take notice. He came to my mums and put all the windows through.. the only thing that matters is that you stay calm and stick by your guns.

If you are anything like me, and it sounds as if you may be, you are strong enough to get through this, I reached a point that I was so calm that nothing else mattered. Everyone kept saying to me that whatever his does it is his problem and not mine. Just keep telling yourself that. As much as you probably still feel responsible for him - this is the result of his manipulation of the situation. It is something that he has done to you to make you feel that way, and probably taken away most of your confidence as well. Hang onto your inner self and what you know is the right thing to do.

You sound stronger than I ever was - there is no way I would go into a bar on my own, even now - but you are probably right to be out of the way.

My ex told everyone that I was seeing someone else, I wasn't...but what does it matter what he says - you know what is true and if telling himself that makes him go away then all is good.

Be strong - stick by your guns - you can do this.

You will probably have a strange and emotional christmas but whatever you finish up doing (treat yourself, I always do) it will all be for the best in the long run. You will be able to look back and realise that being on your own, happy, peaceful and with no worries is far far better than being with someone who make you miserable, or makes you feel nothing at all.

Look forward to a fantastic life, even if that is on your own. Its not as scary as it sounds.

xx

AbbieCadabra

sqeeky, your last post says so much about how your attitude/thoughts have already changed from when you 1st posted. his life, his responsibility.

take care & have a great christmas! x

janey183

after reading your post I would say you are the furthest thing away from being a witch
You are a strong woman (must be putting up with all that and not punching him!)
Think of the wonderful life you will now have without him holding you back.
Live each day to the fullest and surround yourself with beautiful things becasue you are beautiful.

Pee

If he contacts you again, tell him you cannot have any contact, it hurts too much and you need to move on and then, please, do move on.

I have been in a very similiar situation to you but where I felt there was a lot more promise for the future and in the end I just had to let it go.

Oddly enough on his own he managed to straighten out a lot more than he ever had with me and with my "help". He didn't need me at all. He needed to have to choose between food and drink or drugs and warmth.

You can't save someone else.

It's a hard lesson and you'll feel mean. You are doing it for your own good, because you have to. That's why I did it. But actually, it was for his good, too.

victory

sqeeky now just think of all the good things, all the good life, the future you have now, it is going to be fab, merry xmas:D

Dinah93

I'm so glad he's gone for now, but please be aware he probably will come back. Do NOT let him in the house, if he hammers on the door and won't go away call the police. Don't be afraid of making a fuss because you need to get shot.

My ex sounds very like yours, 4+ years later I still struggle with the impact he left on me. My husband can't raise his voice without me jumping several foot in the air - even if he's just yelling at the rugby on the telly. Thank you to whoever posted the BPD link, it feels like a huge puzzle piece fell into place in my head, and I finally understand how he could have treated me that way. My ex was never strongly violent physically until the day I told him I wanted him out my life, then I had to call the police as I was so afraid, by the time they arrived he was locked in the kitchen threatening to kill himself. It's all about control and he couldn't handle that I'd taken it off him. After we broke up he told everyone I'd had an affair (I hadn't, although I had made a new and increasingly close male friend who gave me the strength and self worth to see I could leave), sent me text messages telling me he was going to kill himself if I didn't take him back/he'd taken naked photos of me while I was sleeping and was showing his friends in the pub and they were all laughing/called my mum and told her he'd been diagnosed with cancer and he had no one to talk to or to be there as he died... all cries for attention and lies. I couldn't relax in my own home anymore, I was scared every night he'd turn up, I changed my mobile number, and managed to move a few months later. The relief of feeling that he can't contact me is immense.

On the one hand I feel you need to be strong and not engage with him, on the other if he's anything like my ex he has the potential to become very dangerous if he feels he has been wronged, so please tread carefully, don't under any circumstances let him in your house, and seriously consider calling your phone provider and get the number changed - this is free and so worth doing.

MessyMare

Sqeeky - if he does come back..please don't let him back in, don't let him near you.

After a couple of years, whilst not with an alcoholic, but of waking up to find exactly the same thing as you (and being told it was MY fault because I'd given him the come on, while I was asleep) I plucked up the courage to leave. My friends who I hadn't alienated had been telling me over and over what he was really doing to me, but I still struggle to accept and believe it. But he tried to worm his way back into my life. Threatened to kill himself. His family threatened me and abused me in voicemails, phone messages, they even said horrible, horrible things about me to my mother. I was followed, and spied on. Everything was used against me.

But I stayed strong (if that's what you can call it) and kept him out of my life. Three years on, I'm beginning to recover, and karma is biting him.

Please please be strong and don't give in to him, no matter what happens to him

gratefulforhelp_2

You're very far from heartless. x

sqeeky

Grrrr.

Three messages on my answerphone. My thoughts afterwards.

1. 'Hello darling. What do you want us to do for Christmas?'

!!!!!!?


Three minutes later.


2. 'Hello, it's me. I've got to get my stuff anyway.'


Should have picked it up when you were here. I told you to post me a list and I'd sort it out. No list, no stuff (it's only, as far as I can tell, a couple of T Shirts and some cheap boxers)


5 minutes later.

3. 'Call me on the landline or the mobile.'


What?



Haven't replied. Been avoiding the phone.


I am definitely not going to be in on Christmas Eve.

Sambucus_Nigra

Change your number?